Ive been having an affair for a year...advice please!?

Question

Ive been having an affair now for nearly a year, me an this guy get on fantastically well, he isnt happy with his girlfriend and i'm not happy with my partner, he has promised to leave his girlfriend around november time as he wants to makesure she is financially stable for when he does leave.

she knows about us, and is willing to forget he had an affair, so he is obviously telling her he's staying with her, but at the same time is telling me he is deffinatly leaving, he spends everyday with me, and most weekends he doesnt go home!! i love him very much and feel he feels the same, but for some reason i'm worried he's not going to leave her, because of this on many occasions ive told him i cant do this anymore and have finished with him because part of me feels he's not going to leave her, everytime i finish with him, he refuses to leave me, he always emails, rings, texts, all the time an constantly reminds me of how much he loves me!!

Do you think he is serious about me? What do you guys make of this?

Answer 1

This is just his girlfriend and he's concerned about her financial stability after he leaves? Sounds like a lame excuse to postpone the actual leaving. This happens often - one person is ready to leave their partner while the other is wishy-washy about it. I think you need to avoid seeing him until he actually goes through with it. You also need to tell your partner what's been going on. You may end up with neither guy, but that's a risk you'll have to take. Best of luck.

Answer 2

oh my God!!!and you dare ask????he will never leave her...are you nuts?

Answer 3

All I have to say is Karma, what goes around will come around and you will get yours and he will get his!  Have a great day!

Answer 4

Neither one of you can be trusted , because you are both adulterers .  Do you think you would ever be able to have a life with someone who cheats! End it

Answer 5

That's like someone telling you " The check is in the mail",lol. They usually don't end up leaving their wives because they have the best of both worlds, a wife and a mistress.If he's already cheating on his wife for you, what makes you think he's not going to cheat on you as well?I would end the affair and the whole s*x thing, he's only using you as a play toy when he gets bored with his wife, and he can't get s*x from her, he can get it from you. Don't be so willing to give it up to him , see how quickly he heads for the hills, and this will let you know how he really feels about you.respect yourself hun, certainly you can find alot better, don't you think you deserve that? Why would you want to take second place to someone else, or take the back burner?

And I would not want someone else's  sloppy seconds in the first place, that shows low self esteem, love yourself first :)

Answer 6

advice- leave him alone and fix your relationship or either leave the person u are with....your all wrapped up in this new guy when u already have a man, be woman enough to leave man your with before trying to start a new relationship and i was told "how u got him is how youll lose him" if this new guy she s******g around with u on his girlfriend what makes u think when yall get together(if yall get together) he wont do the same to u?

Answer 7

Hun i think he truly does love you when its November see what happens and if he truly does love you he will leave you for that girl best wishes to you never give up on true love :]

Answer 8

I can guarantee she will never be financial stable for him to leave. That point will never come. Another thing I can guarantee, he is telling her he loves her too, and he is going to quit his affair. He is getting the best of both worlds. He is s******g two women, and each of them know about the other and instead of leaving the scum bag, both women just keep hoping and dreaming their life away.  Get a grip, leave the sorry SOB, he isn't worth it. Why do you not want to be with somebody who is just yours, you know, they are only with you, you are the only one for them. They appreciate you and love you and you don't have to worry about other women, because there aren't any for him. He doesn't love you, he loves what you do for him. He doesn't love her either, he is a pig and you two are his mud he is rolling around in.  

Answer 9

Tuco finds this is interesting.

It sounds like he is worried he will hurt someone and in the process he is doing just that.

It also sounds like he is very young and can't make a decision.

Tuco's advice is to stop seeing him and not respond to his emails, and messages.  It would be smart to let him know this up front so he doesn't get crazy.

The bottom line is he needs to end the relationship he has with her before he can start a new one with you or someone else.

Good luck and....

Adios

Answer 10

he is not leaving his girlfriend! he is keeping you on a short leash so he can have his cake and eat it too... Move on while you can

Answer 11

If things were that bad between he and her and he was NEVER home, why would she stay with him?  But more importantly, why wouldn't he just leave?  People don't PLAN ahead several months a break-up!  Sounds like he just wants his cake and eat it too!

He may love you, but sounds like he doesn't want to hurt her either.

Sometimes, when the man CANNOT make the decision, YOU need to make it for him (and you!).  You need this resolved.

Good luck!

Answer 12

I think if either of you were really serious, you wouldn't be cheating on your partners and playing games with their minds.  

Answer 13

I don't think he is going to leave because when you tell him you are done and can't do this is he was going to leave her it seems he would do it not just call or text heck he is only doing that because he knows it will work. Also how do you know she knows about you from him please you need to open your eyes.

Answer 14

what do you think we are going to say. you have already wasted a year. tell him you want a break and he shouldo call you when he has his own apartment. and make sure you get the home phone number, not just his cell. this arrangement is going nowhere fast. in november he will say, oh, its too close to christmas, lets wait till after the new year. wake-up, will you?

Answer 15

He's not going to leave her.  Sorry, but if he was going to leave her, he would have done it by now.  Don't you think you deserve someone who can commit to you completely?  Someone who won't cheat on you?  He is obviously enjoying having (at least) two women and doesn't want to give that up.  Why else would he always beg you to stay with him when you say you want to break up, yet he still stays with his girlfriend?  You can do better.  You deserve better.  Good luck!

Answer 16

news flash- hes not leaving her! He is using you for the s*x because if he honestly wanted to leave her, he would have done so already- also...even if he does leave her, once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater.  Find yourself an available man, not one who is already taken- no woman deserves to share her man's love with another woman.  

Answer 17

If he just has a girlfriend, why would it matter if she was "financially stable", that makes NO sense whats so ever! And you have a partner yourself... I guess you're hanging onto yours in case this man falls through eh? Horrible!

You both are scum, besides... how do you know in a few months he wont be doing the same to you with some new little cutie... I guess some people just can't be alone... which would probably be best!

Answer 18

thats a cool deal for him- for sure.

heck no he's not serious about you, he wants his cake and to eat you too.

He sounds like a total loser, arent there any available/eligible men for you to sleep with?

Answer 19

This is an old game play the players and the date or should I say month may have changed but not the game. Come november she will not be financial secure or something else will pop up. He could even just be making sure you are the one he wants before letting go of what he has. Ask yourself this.

1. How did he come up with November some people take a lifetime to be financially secure and by the way what do they consider financially secure.

2. How do you know she knows about you have you spoken to her directly.

3.What steps have they made to getting her financially secure is she going to school, getting a better job, looking for a roommate.

The 3rd one is very important because if none of these things are what's changing how would she be any more secure financially if she is not there currently from the two of them being together all this time how would a few extra months make a difference if they couldn't get it together all that time they were together. Think about it this is a game.

Answer 20

Use your head if he wanted to leave her he could have done that already.  No one can be financially stable to move at any given moment.  It is hard just to move in with a roommate.  Tell him that he does not have to wait till she is stable because you are leaving him for good and that you do not have time letting him play with your emotions while you play with your partners.  Neither one of them deserve what you are doing to them and they did not ask to be cheated on by either of you.  Make sure that this is what you want to do, because as soon as you leave your partner he may not leave her is that what you want?

Answer 21

Do yourself a favor and save yourself the heartache by walking away now.  Tell him that if he wants to be with you, then he can come to you in November when he has finally left his girlfriend.  He needs to end this relationship and cut the ties with her before you two can get together.  

If you do not walk away now, you are in for a long road full of heartache.  You said you have been involved for a year and I am sure you are not any closer to being with him now than you were a year ago.  He has had plenty of time to end his relationship and to make sure the girl was financially secure in this time frame.   Believe me when I say that he will continue to make excuses as to why he can't end things with her.  If you keep accepting these excuses, he will always live this life with her and having you too.  He told you November.  Well, the next excuse will be he doesn't want to leave her during the holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Then it will be, lets wait until next year and start the year off together.  

I was in your shoes for 3 years waiting for the man I wanted to be with to come to me.  He kept thinking of different excuses and he finally ended up staying with the other woman.  She knew about me too and she took him back.  It hurts more than I can describe!  

Answer 22

I don't doubt that he loves you but you must realize that by making yourself available to him 24/7, you are hurting your chances of him leaving his wife because he has the best of both worlds right now.

I mean why would he leave now, the guy is not stupid. Unless you are serious about you're feelings for him, you have to give him an ultimatum. It's you or her ! He can't have his cake and eat it too and that's what he his doing at this very moment. If it's meant to be, he'll leave his wife once and for all and stop this whole charade.

Unless there is concrete evidence of him leaving, stop deluding yourself and reading more into meaningless things he might say or do.

Action speaks louder than words you know. Trust me, I know what I am talking about because I've been there and done that for a very very long time.

Answer 23

Even if he is "serious" about you. What makes you think he wont do the same to you?

Answer 24

Whether or not he is serious about you, none of us know the answer other than you and him. However, if you believe that he won't leave his girlfriend for you, then he is not worth it because he might want both of you. It seems like he is more into you than his girlfriend. Maybe you should just wait till Novemeber and see.  

Answer 25

Waiting until November makes no sense, it's just another dumb excuse he gave you. Don't be so naive and guilable. If he's doing it with you he'll do it against you!  

Answer 26

I feel this November thing is just an excuse. That or he is incredibly soft wanting to make sure she is ok. I doubt she will care if she is finacially secure if he finishes with her - the least of her problems!

If you want to be with someone, you be with them.

I met someone whilst with an ex and I ended the relationship immediately. I did not wish to cheat and knew how I felt.

Tell him you can't wait until November and if he can't do that - finish it now and leave it finished.

Answer 27

If he loves you then he shouldn't be so worried about her being financially set. Especially if doing so is coming between the two of you.

Maybe he's not sure about you leaving your partner?- why haven't you?

I think if it were me I'd start making my own decisions and not base them on him. Obviously you and your partner aren't working out so I'd break that off. Then I'd tell the other guy that you are moving on and if he sees fit to free himself up for you then great and if he wants to wait until Nov then he can call you then and see if you haven't moved on.

You can't spend your life on hold for someone else who may or may not ever make you a priority- you have to make yourself your priority.

Answer 28

he might care about you, but if he hasn't left her yet, there is a good chance he isn't going to leave her.  If he was truly unhappy, there would be no stopping him...but he must have you believing he is a nice guy because he wants to make sure she is "financially stable"...yeah right.  Enjoy the s*x, cause I believe that is all it is...he text and rings you alot because he wants to continue to have s*x with you and his girlfriend.  Do his girl and your man a favor and leave him alone.  And since you are unhappy with your man, leave him, why cheat...just leave.