Iwrote this , do u like it?

Question

My Sister’s Curse

- “ I am leaving now, if he called me just tell him that I’ve gone to see the doctor, and I’ll pass after it. Bye girls”

Sara could notice that there is something wrong, she actually didn’t notice; she only felt it.

The problem was that Sara’s sixth sense was so strong and all what she feels mostly happens. My mum feared her daughter’s dreams and the bad mood of her. Sara always saw it as a gift to guess what may happen, she always felt happy when what she says really happens. I saw it a curse.

That day I knew that Sara has hid what she felt when my father went that day. She knew that it’s serious this time.

It was about ten at night when my mum started to worry, but I knew that Sara was worry since the morning.

“Sara!! Did he call to say that he’s gonna be late?” mum asked Sara. I wondered “whose “he”?” My little sister spontaneously said: ”No” I feared my sister’s tone when she stretched that “No” as if it is “Yes”!!!

They were talking about someone without mentioning his name and I knew later that they are talking about my dad!!!

While I was thinking how mum and Sara think about the same thing in the same time, my thoughts were turning about one question: “Where was I?” I tried to remember but all what I could is that I was only catching a book and dreaming instead of reading.

My thoughts were interrupted by my mum’s way of talking to Sara!! I knew it’s another fight. I closed my door and drank my cold cup of coffee.

Will you excuse me my reader!!! Don’t blame me not to try to know what’s going on.. You don’t know the secrets of my home. You won’t appreciate even if I told you. It is something you cannot understand, it’s something that can be felt only.

I put my pencil on the rest of the coffee, on my notebook I wrote: “I am sorry mum, I am sorry Sara” then I inked it again with the coffee and wrote on a very big font: “I am sorry dad!!’. Then I closed my note-book and cried under my pillow when I knew that I am the one who is cursed not my sister Sara.

Answer 1

Uhmm, it's fine but it lacks a certain depth... the characters are shallow, like stick figures drawn by a 2 year old. The writing is great, but you need to get in touch with your characters a little more.

Answer 2

Its ok. kind of amaturish/mediocure.

Answer 3

uh it's okay. You made a couple mistakes. Maybe after you re-write it again...or when you re-write it the time after that.

Answer 4

yh

Answer 5

A bit confusing to be honest, and you have spelling/grammar errors.

But it has good potential!!!

Answer 6

i like it

Answer 7

I like it.

Answer 8

it needs more detail!! it jumps back and forth to much you have to let them talk a little longer with more detail becuase what is the curse? why is she sorry to her dad? why is the dad late? he really isnt in the story so far... it's more like a poem is that what your looking for? maybe you should change it just to a poem and less like a story? good luck!

Answer 9

Yeah pretty good

Answer 10

I like it,

very visual

Answer 11

eww no i hate it