Izzit time for some more humorous RR anectdotes?

Question

I'll let it go to the vote again, here's mine:

Years ago, a train was struggling up the mountain, and the bells started ringing, it was middle of winter, colder'n a well digger's a s s so the fireman went back to try and restart the dead one and drain it if he couldnt.They figured they still had enough power to barely squeek over the top. A short time later they stalled out, when the hoghead asked what happened the fireman said (sheepishly) "I drained the wrong engine". So they had to double, the conductor was NOT amused.

(NO, I wasnt the fireman but I worked with him LOL)

Answer 1

This has nothing to do with juicy mangoes.

Answer 2

Years ago when i was working as a head brakie i made a trip up the Cal P from Oakland Ca to Roseville Ca.We had a drag of 70 empties and 4 units.As the trip progressed we we told several times we had to give away power to westbound trains.We drug in to Davis Ca with one unit left.The only reason we were still moving is it's a flat pull there.We put our train away in the siding and were going to go to beans(dinner).As we were getting ready to get off the dispatcher came on the radio and told us he had a hotshot coming down the valley that needed a unit so give him one before we went to eat.The engineer(one of those crabby old timers that had been there forever) attempted to tell the dispatcher we only had one engine left.The dispatcher told him before he got a chance to do that that he didn't want to hear any whining and to just do as he was told.The engineer said you bet!We gave the unit away and went to eat.When we got back to the depot the engineer got on the phone and asked the dispatcher what he wanted us to do now.The dispatcher told him he wanted him to get back on the train and head for Roseville.The engineer told him he guessed he could stick the airhose up his butt and possibly pump the trainline line off but he was just too d**n old and tired to pull the train.The dispatcher then found out we had give our last unit away.He wasn't too happy with us!We deadheaded to Roseville and got to have a nice chat with the superintendent.He was dressing down the engineer pretty good when the hoghead held up a hand and told the super "Listen here SONNY if you have a problem with what happened i suggest you go talk to that brainless wonder you call a dispatcher because not only was i too old and tired to pull that train..i'm too old and tired to listen to your c**p.And with that he turned and walked out of the office.Priceless!

Bob you might remember that hoghead.His last name was Linn but everyone called him lowater a hold over from his steam days when i guess he ran a few engines low on water.I couldn't believe he called the super sonny!And got away with it.

Answer 3

To appreciate the humor in this, one must know some of how certain operations occur. In this instance, a real life “fantasy” railroad operated. On it, the speed at which a train is permitted to operate is dependent on some variable factors that are described as follows:

“Track speed” is the speed that the roadbed and track is engineered to safely handle. In some instances, for example, a track speed of 25 MPH. may be the maximum the structure can handle, usually due to tight curvature and/or heavy grade, and on the other hand the track speed may be 60, 70, 79 MPH or more.

Trains are restricted to different maximum authorized speeds. By way of comparison, you can be driving along the same road, constructed the same, of the same material, yet the speed limit changes here and there, as advised by speed limit signs. These speed limits have nothing to do with roadway, in many instances, but are usually precipitated by other factors, such as “school zone”, “business district”, “pedestrian crossing” or other restrictions, dictated by conditions. So it is with freight trains.

One of the more important of these variable conditions is TPOB, or Tons Per Operative Brake. This is merely the average weight of each car in the train, arrived at simply by dividing the total gross trailing tonnage of the train by the number of cars. For example, if the train consists of 9,000 tons and there are 90 cars in the train, then the TPOB is 100 tons.

In this instance we are speaking of the downgrade between Grass Lake ( the summit of the grade between Dunsmuir, Ca., and Klamath Falls Oregon), and Black Butte. These are on the old Black Butte Sub-division of Southern Pacific’s Oregon Division. ( For the purists, the Oregon Division is the old “Shasta Division”, host to the “Shasta Daylight”.)

The track speed ranged from 40, to 35 then to 50 MPH, back to 40 and 20 mph for the last eleven mile dive towards Dunsmuir. Grade varies all along the distance from 1% all the way to a max of 2.2% in the last eleven miles. Throughout this territory, trains with more than 100 TPOB were restricted to only 25 MPH. On this trip, conductor K, and myself went on duty at Klamath Falls, Oregon, at 7:40 PM for service west to Dunsmuir, and the lights of home. This is where the story starts to get interesting.

The train we were called for originated in Eugene Yard, in Eugene, Oregon. The time was 1988, before the big environmental movement to save the northern “Spotted Owl” destroyed the economy of the Pacific north-west by severely curtailing logging operations (so as not to offend the sensitivities of my “Green” brethren, I do agree with the ‘Earth First’ philosophers. We can log the other planets later).

Eugene Yard was in perpetual gridlock. Many local trains serviced at least two dozen or more major lumber producers, plus loads of newsprint, paper products, plywood, veneer, you name it. Log trains still plied the rails. This of course meant empties had to get to the shippers for loading, as well as chemicals and other products for manufacture of these products as well. Sprinkle in through freight, helper pool and passenger service and the recipe for “full scale railroad statuary” is complete.

All of this meant that if any of this originating traffic was to be weighed for accuracy all of this stuff would still be rusted to the rail. So, the brain trust of the time decided all cars needing to be weighed (which was pretty much all cars) would be shipped all the way to Colton Yard in southern California (hey, it’s only 850 miles and who cared how many days), even if it meant back hauling the traffic, which it did. And anyone wonders why the Southern Pacific went belly up? They never had a people problem. And all along the way, the engineers dealt with trains whose tonnage was grossly inaccurately “estimated”.

This was a boon to the shippers as well, since their contracts usually provided for compensation by the car-load, not by the ton, so the cars were usually overweight. Estimated tonnage worked well for all but the crew, until one evening, when this engineer decided to use it to his advantage.

The event recorders of the day were literally 8 track cassettes, just like the antique but revolutionary car stereos of the beginning. They only recorded 8 parameters, such as throttle position, speed and air-brake conditions. There were two manufacturers of these devices employed on Southern Pacific locomotives so equipped regularly, which were Aeroquip and SIS (Speed Information Systems). The only significant difference between the two, is one would read an emergency application of the brakes, while both read a full service application of the brakes (this means all the braking ability available short of emergency). Put another way, with one type of recorder, the read out was the same for “all brakes on” or “emergency brakes used.”

There was one other piece to this puzzle. Trains headed west, toward Dunsmuir, were limited to maximum trailing tonnage of 9,000 tons, without a helper engine back in the train. So, strangely, every heavy lifter wound up weighing 8,999 tons.

.

Conductor Koshnick and I were called for the 01EUWCM03, from Klamath Falls, Oregon, to Dunsmuir, California. When we received our paperwork for the train’s consist, the train consisted of 88 loads, no empties and 9160 tons, on paper. This created more than one problem. Over tonnage to start with, 104.5 TPOB, which nailed us to 25 MPH on perfectly good track, not to mention the delay involved in reducing the tonnage of the train by setting out at least two loads, something the yardmaster would avoid at all cost. The “sluff” from Eugene Yard was becoming his problem. The train was going to go as it looked, period.

The usual call to the dispatcher was made by conductor Koshnick. The usual question was asked, “Do you want us to reduce or reduce ‘on paper’.” The reply? The usual, “No, reduce ‘on paper ‘ to 8,999 tons.” Conductor Koshnick reported to me the bad news.

At that point I suggested to conductor Koshnick, “Well, if we’re going to run a paper train, lets make it 8759 tons, so we can boogie on down the hill.” Conductor Koshnick replied, “If you want to, call the dispatcher.” I did. The conversation went like this:

“CTC Eugene, WR43. Monica.”

“Hey, good evening Monica. This is engineer Miller at Klamath Falls. Conductor Koshnick informs me we are to reduce the tonnage of our train on paper. If we’re gonna do that, let’s reduce to 8,791 tons.”

“Why do you want to do that? Does it make a difference?”

“Well, that will put us under 100 TPOB and we can scoot on down the hill at speed, which will get us out of your hair sooner.”

“Works for me.”

“Then it’s done. We’ll be ready to go in about 45 minutes.” End of conversation.

We were off like a herd of turtles, picked up a helper behind the caboose at Andesite, the first siding west of Grass lake, and ran on to Dunsmuir to tie up. And that was that. Until a week later, when my telephone rang one morning, with the Road Foreman of Engines, Mr. Mark Barnum on the calling end. That conversation went like this:

“Hello Bob. This is Mark.”

“Good morning. What’s goin’ on?”

“Yeah, well, I need to talk to you about a trip you made last week, west bound out of Klamath Falls on the 01EUWCM03 with conductor Koshnick.”

Of course I knew exactly what it was and said, “Lemme get my time book, Mark.” I poured a second cup of coffee, fished out my time book, and returned to the conversation.

“OK. I got it here. What do you need to know?”

“Well, they pulled the event recorder tape on a spot check of that train in Roseville, and according to the figures, you were beatin’ the h**l out of the time down the hill. It says you were restricted to 25 MPH.”

“Oh, that. Well, both the conductor and I talked with the dispatcher and we received permission to reduce the over tonnage on paper."

“Hmmm. Well, even at 8,999 tons you were still over the limit.”

“Well, Mark, when we reduced, we reduced to 8,791 tons.”

“OK. How did you come up with that figure?”

“Easy. 88 cars times 99.9 TPOB equals 8,791 tons.”

There was a slight chuckle, then, “Yeah. OK. I figured you had you’re a s s covered.”

“Always, Mark.”

“Say, did you guys have a UDE (undesired emergency application of the brakes) at Andesite? The readout doesn’t distinguish between a UDE or full service application (all the braking you have short of an emergency application).”

“Nope. We did have to stop and pick up our helper there and I used full service to bring the train to a stop.”

“Why did it take so much air?

Said I, “Well, h**l Mark, you get 10,000 tons goin’ forty miles an hour up there, it takes a lot of wind to get ‘em stopped.”

I just heard a polite “click” as Mr. Barnum hung up the phone, and the matter was closed.

Addendum: Yeah, Andy. That was the good 'ol days when SP hoggers would stand on up their hind legs and bark back. But I don't need to tell you, you were one us too...

Addendum to Addendum:  I fired passenger for L. W. Linn.  But, a "low water" fireman was a good thing.  On top of it all the time, they could run with minimal water on the crown sheet.  That meant the most steam for the most miles out of a tank of water.

At least I think that's right.  Ask your dad.  He fired steam on the Cal-P.  I'd like to know for sure.

Answer 4

I don't know, I lost track

Answer 5

Congratulations Rango, you've surely derailed my train of thought! LOL

Answer 6

Ha, to Rango

.I told my Conductor this last Wednesday, "This train's leaving in two minutes, and I want you under it !!!!"  

It was supposed to be a half day, just taking 66 cars from one town to another - that was it. We made up our train and were ready to go. My Conductor at the last minute learned that there were 8 fertilizer cars in the yard for Farmers Union Co-op. "Better take 'em downtown today." he said. So alright, put our train away, go get the 8 cars, battle 16 crossings while shoving through town, negotiate a dozen switches, and spot up. There was no one around. The place looked abandoned. The Conductor calls the office to find out that it was a Farmers Union Co-op in the town we were going to in the first place with the 66 cars. AND, they didn't want that fertilizer til next week anyway. That maneuver cost us three hours. Oh, and he's buyin' me lunch all next week.