Jealousy... please answer!!!!

Question

i have 5 children and pregnant with 6 and 7. i have noticed that since i started doing the twins nursery my other kids have become extremly jealous. they do things like try to mess up the twin decorations on there wall and dressers. my oldest daughter wanted there room but i would not give it to her so she wont speak to me. the twins room is in the attic which in very large which we changed into a bedroom and all the kids wants this room. they make comments like i hate the twins, or i dont want them to come.... etc. i am very upset because my kids get whatever they want and just becasue they dont get one thing there acting really bad!!!. i want advice on how me and my husband should handle this???

Answer 1

I agree with the guy above me about not letting them be spoiled in the first place.  But further, I'm wondering why you would put newborns in the attic so far away from you?  Why not let the older kids share the larger attic space so you can keep your eye on the babies?  IDK, it's up to you but since you have chosen to have 7 kids then I'd start learning how to handle them all a little better if I were you.

Answer 2

Okay, so I think there are two separate issues here. For the first part: I was an only child until age 12, so when my sister came around I was very upset. My parents redid one of the rooms in the basement for me and had me move down there and gave the baby my room as it was next to their room. This makes sense but at age 12 I was super mad and felt really displaced.  

The way that I got over it was my mom took me shopping for the baby. I got to help decorate the room, pick clothes, toys, help choose the name.  Feeling more involved in that made me like the baby better.

Have them read to the baby, or sing. Make a collage or a mural in the nursery and let the other kids help paint it. Have them be as involved as possible.

Other than that, the other thing you need to do is explain to them that they cannot say those things. You are their mom, and the twins are a part of their family so they have to understand now which kinds of behaviors are not acceptable. Think of this as training, make words like "i hate the twins" just as bad as swearing. Those negative words are off limits.

The other issue is that your children do not act the way your would like. Go back to the basics, you and your husband need to set limits on acceptable behaviors, take things away when they are bad, and set a goal for your family. If everyone is good for a week, then plan a fun trip. Make it visual, a jar with marbles for each child. Say the kids get a marble for each good, helpful thing they do, and you take one away when they are moody, say something mean, throw a fit. Set a goal for the end of a week, if there are 25 marbles in the jar at the end of a week you will all go to the zoo.

Set a limit, make it visible to them, then stick to it. Congrats on the twins :)

Answer 3

The answer to your question is contained within it - "(your) kids get whatever they want" - they are SPOILED! It's never too late for kids to learn that they can't have everything they want - this can open a dialog between you and them about what life is all about.

Answer 4

I would sit them down and tell them that having these twins isn't gonna change how mommy and daddy feel about them at all. I understand how the kids feel because I remember being there as a young one. All I wanted from my mom was confirmation that I was still gonna get her attention. Have you ever watched Jon and Kate plus 8?? They set aside a special day for each one og there kids to do whatever they want and it works well. That way they have your undivided attention. Also ask if they want to help decorate the babies room with you, to help make it special. I watch super nanny a lot and with the oldest kids they seem to always be distant like that, I could imagine how it feels, maybe do something extra special for them. Hope I helped maybe a little bit, and just try to put yourself in their shoes on how they feel. Good Luck and best wishes

I wasn't trying to be judgmental at all, it just wasn't mentioned how you coped with each child. I think it's great you have a lot of kids and can give them a great life. I would love nothing more. Sorry if I offended you

Answer 5

My advice is to stop giving them what they want...The reason they are acting this way is because you are not giving this to them and they are so used to getting their way...

Start being the parents and stop letting them run their own lives by giving them everythign and everything they want...they are being spoiled brats. Sit them down and put your foot down with them and tell them things are gonna change. with 7 kids, i dont know how you afford giving them everything, but you gotta stop it and tell them its gonna stop...They will be brats for a while to get adjusted but in the end its for the best.

Answer 6

wow...

thats alot of kids...

thats killer.....

i think you should put them in time out if they dont behave right or you shouldnt let them have what they all want..

or treat all the other and not the ones who doesnt act right...

im not sure...

im not a parent im a teen....i think........

^__^

Answer 7

i think you should sit your kids down and firmly let them know that these comments and remarks will stop... AND NOW!!!! your the mother and you should not have to put up with it. let them know that if it does not stop then things will start to get taken away from them everytime you hear these remarks. and as for you oldest if she is not talking to you just wait she'll need you before you need her and i bet her voice will start working very soon once she sees there is nothing she can do about it

Answer 8

well as the attic would be away from everyone i would think i would give it to the oldest child and put the twins closer to you as i would not be happy as to what they are doing but the oldest child should have more space and room to enjoy having a break from everyone as i would say she helps with all the kids and i would think about letting her have the attic as she is probally getting older and want be at home much longer so i would talk to her and the other kids why you have choose the way you have but i would consider putting the oldest up there she needs peace and quiet and to be able to have a space to her self and time to think she might help out more when the twins get here

Answer 9

It sounds like they feel neglected emotionally, which of course they are because there is no way two parents can give that many children enough love and attention.  Big families are great but too many kids equals bitterness over lack of attention.  Maybe think about stopping at seven.

Answer 10

They probably don't understand why you have that room near your room. Just explain it to them all together as a family. They will soon hopefully understand. I know they are probably going to be jealous for a while, but they will soon get the hang of it. Everyone gets jealous somehow.

~I'm sorry that you are receiving some 'unhelpful' and 'rude' answers. Hopefully you will find a good answer. ~

Good Luck!