um... 1 minute Here are some jokes for you! May I have best answer? here are your jokes:
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A Cop and a Penguin
A man walks down a street and comes across a penguin. He takes the penguin and finds the first cop he sees on the street. He gives the penguin to the cop and says, "I found this penguin on the street, please take care of him."
Cop: "Well, what am I supposed to do with a penguin?"
Man: "I don't know, take him to the zoo."
So the man goes home and the next day as he is walking on the street, to his disbelief he sees the same cop walking down the street with the penguin.
Man: "What are you doing? Didn't I tell you to take him to the zoo?"
Cop: "Yeah, I took him to the zoo yesterday. Today we are going to the cinema."
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The Importance of Walking
Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where he is.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing..
I joined a health club last year,spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,...... just getting over the hill.
You could run this over to your riends but why not just e-mail it to them!
We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
AND
every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.
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A girl came skipping home from school one day. 'Mommy, Mommy!' she yelled, 'We were counting today and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to ten. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! See?'
'Very good,' said her mother.
'Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?'
'Yes, it's because you're blonde.'
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. 'Mommy, Mommy,' she yelled, 'We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only go to D, but I went all the way to G. A, B, C, D, E, F, G! See?'
'Very good,' said her mother.
'Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?'
'Yes, it's because you're blonde.'
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. 'Mommy, Mommy,' she yelled, 'We were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!' And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
'Very good,' said her embarrassed mother.
'Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?'
'No, Honey, it's because you're 24.'
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REPLACEMENT WINDOWS>
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the
work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Hellloooo,...........just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy
had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for
themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only
silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never
called back. Guess I won that stupid argument. I bet he felt like an
idiot.
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The Buttocks
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the Husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face.
He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was
Overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said,
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