Jokes (mixed category)?

Question

''Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator: ''My friend is dead! What can I do?'' The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: ''Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.'' There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the hunter says, ''OK, now what?''

TEXAN: ''Where are you from?''

SNOTTY HARVARD GRAD: ''I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.''

TEXAN: ''OK - where are you from, a*****e?''

PATIENT: ''Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum.''

DOCTOR: ''I've got some cream for that.''

A patient says, ''Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip, I was having dinner with my mother-in-law

and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter? But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life.'''

''A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. 'He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says, "'Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.' 'The friend replies: 'Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.'''

''I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.''

Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, 'I slept with your mother!' The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!' The other weasel says: 'Go home dad, you're drunk.''

Answer 1

I liked the first one :P

and the funeral one is pretty good too, he should probably of been there with them but its still funny :)

LOL at the grandfather one as well

At first i thought the weasel one was quite funny but then thinking about it, that means one slept with its grandma o_O   =S

If you made these up, well done :)

If not then you chose good ones :)

xx

Answer 2

So ummm... what's your question?

Answer 3

thats hilarious....i actually have tears i was laughing that hard...well done..... *************

*no curly thats not right about the weasel

Answer 4

OMG IM AT SKOOL I NEEDED THAT LAUGH EVEN THO I LOOKED RETARTED LAUGHIN thanks for the jokes keep posting =)

Answer 5

skip the first, the rest is pretty funny!

Answer 6

nice ones!!!

Answer 7

Perfect mixture.......its a delicious one (but u seem 2 b even more delicious)

Keep it up..  

Answer 8

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....all excellent..lol but ive heard the grandpa 1 before....