I like David Beckham. Most of us have skeletons in our closet, but he takes his out in public.
When I was a kid, I used to have an imaginary friend. I thought he went everywhere with me. I could talk to him and he could hear me and he could grant me wishes. Then I grew up and stopped going to church.
I noticed on the side of a box of viagra it said, "Keep away from children." What kind of a man do they think I am? That I can't maintain an erection with of a child?
When you get to my age, you go off s*x. Nowadays I ejaculate so little, it barely warrants throwing the tissue away. I just think, if I put that on the radiator for a bit it'll be fine.
My father was a cross dresser. He didn't wear skirts or a blouse, he just got angry as he put his clothes on.
I went back to a girl's flat and she had an eight foot light switch. I thought, that's a huge turn off.
Tags: