Judgement begins in the House of God; care to comment?

Question

Within the mêlée of this world I sought

Peace of mind my eternity I bought

Offering, my refusal to do evil

I sacrificed all by condemnation

It would surely bring a victorious end

Your enemies all condemned to misery

Awaiting the judgement of tomorrow

Burning coals I heap woes upon their sorrows

The still voice that I command now speaks

“Forget that thou also art a man”?

I am undone, thou has seen my plan

You speak in my mind and know every thought

Were shall I now hide from thee

I am aware, you also know my heart

If I am not safe in my thoughts

The woes of man have fallen on me.

Why do you not judge my deeds

And all the mercy I have extended?

Your promise is to meet all my needs

Yet, judgement has started with me

I had forgotten, I sought your smile

That this life without you means nothing

My peace is only when you dwell within

To one day see your face; is everything

Answer 1

I think I'll take a swim in my diphthong...

Answer 2

I like the core message, but in some way, this poem failed to touch me where I live. This is rare for you, since I am generally deeply moved by your poetry.

Perhaps you were trying too hard with this one. Not to worry, there are millions of words out there to be combined into other poems.

Answer 3

I'd say a 9 on content, a 3 on meter, a 2 on rhyme. Although you make some great statements this is not poetry, there is no music in its reading and the rhymes are random,  Overall it didn't work for me other than the content and how you phrased your wording. That part was excellent.

Answer 4

Where shall I now hide from thee, indeed.  Great work AG!