Just Wanted Opinions of my poem...Please?

Question

My Safe Haven….?

I sit upon the mountain top, sun setting here with me.

A place that I have always loved, a place I felt so free.

But now I don’t, not even close, as darkness settles in.

I look around where you once were, and in your place just pain.

My summer turns to winter, as my tears freeze upon my face.

My freedom turns to torture, as I realize I’m alone.

I need you back; I need you here, no one can replace.

The times we had, the fun we shared, but now I’m on my own.

I walk the streets that I have always walked.

I run the trails that I have always ran.

I climb the mountains that I have always climbed.

But now without you and I’m not so sure I can.

Answer 1

very symphatetic, poetic, and i can feel there's an internal pain that you've got. but how about her feeling or at least, your thought about her feeling upon you since both of you sit on that mountain top? just for a just-judgements

Answer 2

that was really good, very emotional and real, great job.

Answer 3

In the first stanza (last two lines) the words "in" and "pain" don't really rhyme maybe you can use other words to make them rhyme?

Answer 4

That was the best non-corny poem I've read in a long time I love stuff like, I love the emotion behide every word You should definitely keep writing, people need to hear words put together that way " the right way". Thanks a lot for almost making me cry......by the way who did you lose?????

The best verse is :

"I walk the streets that I have always walked.

I run the trails that I have always ran.

I climb the mountains that I have always climbed.

But now without you and I’m not so sure I can"

This explains how I felt for a while, It's amazing hearing a real life situation in words

Answer 5

The first verse isn't bad.  'Pain' and 'in' don't rhyme too well but, what the heck.  In verse 2 you switch the rhyming scheme from ab-cd to ac-bd and frankly you just lose it in the first line of the second verse and don't get it back.

Answer 6

aww that is so sad you are very poetic i love it who did you right it for?

Answer 7

I like it.

Not so much cos of the theme, thats such a common one for poetry ...and one anyone reading will instantly recognise for what it is.

I like it because its obviously a way for you to release some of the upset you were/are feeling over what sounds to be a break-up you are not yet over.

Its a very therapeutic way of handling stuff like that, and gives the reader a little bit of information abotu the writer and the writers lifestyle beyond 'just the relationship' ...and this is what I like.

Answer 8

awwww that is sooo good

It is so refreshing to see some actual poetry not some amateur attempt at emotions.

I love all of your poetry that I've read .. you really are talented

I love that when i read them I can picture the scene and experience what the character may be feeling .. it really captures the essence of what true poetry is and should be

Well done .. once again

Answer 9

Aw, a sad, lonely, and broken hearted poem... I am amazed! You must turn this into a song...