Just a little understanding?

Question

i am an adoptee and i am comfortable and happy i was adopted. i have found both my birthparents. they were a mess back when they had me and the reasons they gave me up are obvious. i have thanked them for what they did for me. several times. my experience was positive and i share my story openly. now that being said we all know that not all adoptions are rosie and grand. some are immoral, some are down right awful experiences. the list goes on, but all in all is it really so hard to TRY to have some understanding of all sides? for those that adoption was a bad experience, cant you try to see it isnt always like that? for those that had a good experience, cant you have some compassion for others that have only heartache connected to it? for birthfamilies that gave up their children willingly and openly, cant you see that it some are forced into that decision?

the questions can go on forever, but in the end is having some respect and understanding for the other side really that hard?

Answer 1

Not all people who are against adoption practices, are this way because we had a "bad" adoption.  I had a great set of adoptive parents, but I don't love adoption.  I don't appreciate having my birth certificate altered, sealed, and denied to me.  I don't like not knowing where I was for the first 4 months of my life, and being told it's none of my business.  I dont' like being treated like a second class citizen, being regarded as a potential criminal that will "inflict harm" upon my natural family, simply because I would like to obtain a copy of a record of my own birth.

If you're perfectly happy with having your civil rights violated, then more power to you.  I won't stand in your way.

Answer 2

I like you had a good adoption and i made it ok. so i am siding with you and read your piece you said it very well there is nothing for me to add. we are lucky and yes like you said there are some that didn't ahve the luck we had. i had parents and they had 2 other kids (girls) which they didn't fair as well as i did. but hey we are here and fine take care.

Answer 3

I was adopted and I had a good experience.  But that doesn't mean everyone has.  So yes, I do understand both sides.

And to address something else, not all adoptions are b/c the parents had no other choice and did it out of love.   Some children are kidnapped and then given up for adoption.  The parents may not have even known until too late.

Answer 4

I don't see why you think you are going to get "fried"...I think you were very open and honest about how you feel and I see nothing wrong with that. I am not too clear on what you are refering to when you say that not all adoptions work out as wonderfully as yours did (good for you, BTW)...but it is true that some women feel forced to give up their babies when they do not want to and some adoptive parents (sadly) maybe do not turn out to be the best people for the job. That said - in general - adoption is a wonderful, beautiful thing. There are so many people in the world who want nothing more than to love and spoil a child of their own but they cannot have one (unfortunatly, I fall into this catagory) and there are women out there who find them selves pregnant and unable to care for the child they are carrying. What a wonderful world we live in that these two can come together in a situation that is mutually beneficial (not to mention beneficial for the child as well)! I know many people who are adopted and I even have a good friend who gave a child up for adoption...never an easy decsion to make, but one made with a LOT of love.

Answer 5

Thank You!!  I am glad to see someone say this.  We all need to try to understand where everyone else is coming from and I appriciate that you put this in such an open minded way!  For example, just because I want to adopt does not mean that I am going to lurk around clinics and stuff, asking people to give me thier baby!  I would not knowing work with an agency that used tactics like coersion to get mothers to give up thier children, yet I often feel like people are calling all adoptive parents baby stealers.

Answer 6

I dont know how old you are but you seem to be a very mature and well grounded individual.  I could not have said it better myself!  I agree with your "question/comment" with every ounce of my energy and just wish more people would apply what you said to all aspects of life.  Great job!!

Answer 7

its hard to understand at first because all the information about the adoption is not given to the adoptee. I'm happy to finally hear of someone that has a happy life as an adoptee. those who were adopted and had a rough ruff time will have a harder time understanding the other side because of all their difficulties.

Answer 8

Absolutely.  Everyone should be understanding and non-judgemental.  No person will "give away" their child without a good reason and that reason is usually made out of love for that child and the fact that they know they have nothing to offer it, but that some loving family will be able to give the child all it needs.  It is a most giving love, a sacrificial one and it isn't without it's own pain and heartache so yes, people should always be understanding and sensitive.

Answer 9

I agree with Dizzle's answer.  I think people in general need to stay open minded.  Yahoo Answers isn't a place to beat people up with answers or crucify them for the way they think.  I believe that when a question is asked, and I have information to share - whether positive or negative - it is up to the asker to take that information so they can make their OWN decisions.  

Thanks for this question!  You are wonderful!

Answer 10

I agree.

To me - you are saying - no matter what experience anyone had in adoption themselves - be open to the fact that someone else may have had a completely different experience than your own.

And - if people are open to that - maybe - they will learn something new.

Yep - I agree.

Answer 11

Rachael, I hope it's okay but I really need to give you a great big **HUG**  The adoption attitude here on YA has been so negative lately that it has been positively frightening for me-an adoptive mother. It's so nice to hear that you had a good experience and for those of us that are trying very hard to do the right things- our children may be happy.  Thank you!

Answer 12

I'm adopted. my adoption story isn't bad or under bad circumstances but everyones different  I was told pretty much from the moment i could understand words that I was adopted. Some parents don't tell there children untill there older and that can lead to resentment and anger and confusion  but what does anyone know about adoption except for there personal experience?  everyones entitled to there own opinion and I think those  opinions are worth listening to if you didn't have the same experience  then how can we judge those people?  adoptions can go either way  all I know is i'm thankful for being adopted but somebody else may not as been so fortunate.

Answer 13

good question...err...statement!

I agree!

I'm pretty straight to the point and often that comes off as rude or insensitive. Its the way I am.

I understand what you're saying and I'll try to gently word my answers better, but I do stand true to my cause. I  understand people can be happy about their situations, i'm not trying to take that happiness away, i'm trying to make adoption pro-adoptee. Right now its very anti-adoptee for ALL adoptees in the US and various countries around the world.

Until Adoptees are treated equally, I will be here fighting the good fight!

thanks for your statement!

Answer 14

this isnt just true of adoptions.. this is true of ALL aspects of life.

if people would shut their mouths long enough to let information and feelings set in - people would be a lot more understanding. We should all respect one another. And not base opinions on differernt things. Each experience is different and derserves different outlooks.