Just a small question...?

Question

My friend yesterday asked me something that I had to ponder for awhile about spanking your child. What do you think of it?

"People say that spanking your child as a form of discipline and teaches them right from wrong.

Well what if your wife did something wrong....would you spank her for discipline and teach her right from wrong?

Or what if she did that to you?"

I didn't have an answer. Obviously your wife would be grown up and most likely know the difference between right or wrong and how to act responsible and civilized. But I have seen many irresponsible adults that just need a beating.

What do you guys think?

Answer 1

i really don't agree with slapping your children as a form of punishment!

personally i don't think it teaches them anything, it just makes it ok form them to hit other people!

for example my aunt spanks her children and i was at her house 1 day and one of her children hit another my aunt yelled

"Ciara don't slap your sister or i will give you a slap"

what was she teaching there? its okay for adults to slap?

there are ways of disciplining children without having to be physical with them.

Answer 2

My answer would have been,

"I'm not responsible to hold other adults accountable for their actions.  My responsibility is in my child.  Also adults have more cognitive ability to remember things and to weigh the outcome of their actions.  Children do not have that ability.  Used as a last resort, spanking ingrains the lesson in a child's mind to remind them of the negative results of the behavior they're contemplating."

Answer 3

I was bred a spanker, which in fact blurred into abuse many times during my childhood.  However my second wife and her 11 year old son and now my two year old daughter have reformed me by the simple question what is the line that you child must cross that you resort to physical punishment by hitting them, regardless of where you do it.  Having thought long and hard I and realized that teaching your children that it is okay to hit when they do something that I don't like or have told them not to do, is pretty confusing when I run around telling them not to hit other kids when the kid does something that they don't like.  I have realized that being consistent, standing up for what I have said and the rules are no matter what, giving your child respect and demanding it in return seems more valuable.  We use the 1,2,3 method with time out and then rewards or removal of them as reinforcement.  It has worked wonders for both our children.

Answer 4

I think the first answer is spot on

Answer 5

There is a huge difference between your child and your wife. Your wife is your equal and you have no right to discipline or to punish her or even to teach her. Your child is your responsibility however and you have not only a right but an obligation and duty to punish or discipline the child. Discipline should be thought of more as teaching than punishment, however, or guidance. Too many people think of discipline as physical pain or restrictions, some sort of ban. Discipline can be about teaching, example, about love. Spanking doesn't teach. parents teach. It's up to the parent to figure out how to be adult enough to communicate with example, words, and actions how to behave and to be able to stay calm. I think it's going to be far more effective to somehow physically guide than to spank or yell, however. Seriously, how effective is standing there or sitting on the couch yelling at your kids or jumping up and spanking them? They're not stupid. They know you aren't really going to do anything when you just yell. But if you got up and moved them away (or gave them time outs, took away privileges) etc it's going to work better. They know you mean it, and they know you care. That's the most important part of being a parent and discipline. It's impossible to communicate love with a spanking.

Plus, while there are lots of adults who are irresponsible, they are just a lot like overgrown kids. Yelling at them or trying to force them to be responsible isnt' going to help either. I think adults respond the best to the same thing children do--love. Oh, and if my husband thought he could "discipline" me or "teach" me how thinks should be he might just be living somewhere else. There is no room for a complete lack of respect like that in a marriage. The best thing to do in both instances is to figure out how to communicate and stay calm. IN the case of the children you actually might have to think of what a "natural" consequnce might be. with your spouse you don't have to. If your spouse is being irresponsible the consequences are readily apparent. For instance, there might be a lack of trust, lack of intimacy, lack of closeness, lack of respect etc. Either way, good parenting and good relationships takes some effort and self-discipline--and spankin requires neither.

Answer 6

I would say the differnce between spanking a child who has no idea what they have done (put finger in electrical socket, ran into the street, climbed the chimney and a reasoning adult are two completely different things.

You tell your 'friend' that spanking stimulates the blood flow to the brain to a child. He realizes that he did something that was not right and usually if done properly never does it again.

As far as adults that 'need a beating' the karma gets them eventually, if not the karma they end up in jail, irresponsible adults get longer punishments from the courts.