Just an adoption question out of interest. A family members recent adoption has got me thinking.?

Question

They are adopting a baby girl from Vietnam, she will be 9 months when she arrives home. They have been talking about the ways in which they're going to teach her about her cultural heritage, and her customs, beliefs etc. l think that's great, but it made me wonder, isn't your child's culture the one which you provide for them? After all, children aren't born with a culture, but into one. l can understand what they mean, but personally l would look at it that my way of life would become my child's way of life, as in every family. What do others think, how did you approach your adoption, etc? Thanks in advance.

Answer 1

I don’t think there is anything wrong with teaching an adopted child their genetic  culture even more so when they were born in a different country.  An adopted child can learn about both cultures their adopted families and biological.  I know there are some groups for trans-racial adoption where families get together with others that adopted similar race/heritage child, they have like monthly meetings where they all get together, sometimes even bring an ethnic dish from the child’s origin country, learn about different things, and just have fun. I actual think it make everyone life that much more rich.

Answer 2

just adopt

Answer 3

You are right in the fact that the child gets their culture from their families, but because this child is coming from a different country your family wants to make sure that their child knows that she was especially chosen from Vietnam and that she knows where she came from and how important it is.

Understand that they are not trying to confuse the child or hurt her, but make her aware of everything that she is, loved, special and part of a family.

Answer 4

I think it is very important to embrace and teach our adopted children all about their homeland or they could very well end up just like the friend of the poster- ClassyInCoach.  I have a daughter from Vietnam she is just a baby now so I have CDs and DVDs that is all in Vietnamese when she is older I will teach her everything I can about Vietnam. I think you should also lean about Vietnam embrace her culture it may just give you a strong bond with her that you will cherish forever

Answer 5

I have never been involved in an adoption, but I do think that a child who grows up in a family that looks a lot different from the child would have some questions about the country that they came from.

I see nothing wrong in giving that child information about their country of origin.  It can help the child to realize that "different" is not "bad"

Answer 6

Before we adopted from China we had to pledge to teach our daughter about her heritage, culture, etc.  At the time it was just lip service after all she will be an American and teaching her about China would make her different from my bio kids.  But after going to China and seeing everything, I can't wait to teach her about her culture and hope that she wants to visit her birth land to see where she came from.  When she is old enough I hope she chooses to learn the language, dance, customs.  We will expose her to all these things but in the end it will be up to her to decide how much she wants to learn.

Answer 7

Interracial, cross culture adoption can be difficult for the child.  There is no "hiding" the fact that they are adopted and can grow up feeling out of place.  By including the culture and customs of their first country, this helps bond them closer together as a family because the child feels more accepted.

Answer 8

It's a both/and... not an either/or.  You don't have to choose, and neither does the adopted child.  You can celebrate and "teach" your child about both cultures.

As a Korean adoptee that was adopted into an Caucasian American family, I very much appreciated the efforts that my parents took to learn about Asian culture.  They didn't make a big deal of it (e.g. "Let's all learn about Korea today"), and I don't think it was even all that conscious on their part... but they definitely did it.  

For me... being adopted means that I belong to two families... I have my looks and genetics from my birth family and the way I was raised from my adoptive family.  My ties to Asian culture are very personal and for me, represent a family that I won't ever know... but still are a part of me.  Anyway... the matter of "culture" is something that every adopted child has to come to terms with him or herself.  It's an individual process.

Hope this helps.

Answer 9

Yes, the couples' own way of life is paramount, because that's what the child will be living in. However, the importance of the child's own heritage cannot be ignored, and is totally important.

Answer 10

http://www.antiracistparent.com/

Adoption is fundamentally founded on loss.  In many cases, international adoption also means that the specific biological heritage is also lost.  Part of one's obligation to their adopted children is to try and answer that loss.  While those that drink the adoption koolaid try to believe, an adoptive family's culture and love cannot and should not replace that loss.  Supplement, yes.  Replace, no.

If one does not have an open adoption where the child can see the biological questions answered for him or herself, than the next step would make sure that the child can understand where they came from and what it means in our culture.  To ignore that a child is Vietnamese in a culture that isn't Vietnamese is a huge disservice.

Don't drink the adoption koolaid.  Be real about what the adoptee needs.

Answer 11

this one can be a hard one to answer and also easy,,,,,I am an adopted child,,,57 yrs old now,,,lol,,,,even when i found out that i was in teen yrs,,,,i loved my parents,,,and nothing could change that,,,,i think that maybe they are trying too hard and thinking they are doing right,,,,tell them to slow down,,be a parent and relax,,,,,when the time is right,,,,and the child will know that then they can bring out the things that they know,,,birth parents etc.,,,,but do not pressure the child at all,,,,love your baby,,,never say wh3en you get mad of things i wish i never adopted you,,,,never happened to me,,,,just love and teach and love,,,,the others will come on their own

Answer 12

i hope she looks like the rest of the adoptive family...

Answer 13

Your right it's what you teach them, she will learn about her culture in school or the library, the family member will s***w up the kids mind because it will always remind her that she was adopted and no kid wants to be reminded that all the time especially when her friends will mostly have bio mom and dad.

Answer 14

Totally agree with you as a  "mixed" american who is 5 generations removed from any native land other than my native american ethnicity, I am sick of people asking where I am from and what I am . I was born and raised in America, I am American !!!!

Answer 15

A friend of mine was adopted from Korea as an infant into a caucasian family with 2 older and 2 younger very Irish-looking biological daughters.  Of course his family loves him, but they never really addressed the fact that he was Korean other than to draw attention to it when they'd encounter other white couples with asian babies and walk up to them with him (even now that he's an adult) to compare timelines and costs.  Even with all the love, my friend grew up feeling isolated because he KNEW he was different and everybody seemed like they were either not noticing it or pretending not to see it.  When he finally got to college and met other people from Korea (citizens and adoptees), it did him a world of good to see that he had actually come from real human beings with traditions and national characteristics.  Up until that point, I think he felt more like he'd been hatched in a field in the middle of nowhere, never truly a part of anyone in the human race.  His parents are wonderful, tolerant people who certainly never cut on Korea, but they never taught him anything about it at all (or incorporated any part of Korea into the lives of their biological children), and I think that they might have been able to spare him from decades of counseling if they had.

Answer 16

I think to fully honor your child, you honor all parts of them.  And one of those parts is where they came from -- their birthfamily, or family of origin.   And if the birthfamily is from a different culture, race or ethnicity, then you honor that culture, race or ethnicity.

But I think the best way to honor any of our children is to honor all children, all people.  That models for our children that they are accepted, appreciated and valued for who they are.

Answer 17

I agree.  First of all, a child needs to feel s/he belongs to her parents, really and truly, and in her family.  S/he ought not to be made to feel s/he is different.  After a few years, say five or six, though, it is nice for a child to begin to learn about her cultural heritage.  Just as many Americans look into the European country or background from which their ancestors came, this child will know the cultural heritage she has.  Believe me, it is just education.  A child belongs to and feels love and loyalty to the parents who raised her and the country she grew up in, so it is not a problem.  Their way of life will become her way of life and really the only one she truly knows.