Just curious about opinions - is this cheating in your opinion? ?

Question

My dad is g*y. He's 76 years old, and didn't come out until he was 55. He was from a generation when most g*y men got married to women and had kids. So, my mom and he are still together, and have this sort of "agreement", that he can see men and have s*x with men. I know she's not happy about it, but she's old and I think it would be hard for her to kick him out or whatever. So for the past 20 years, he has had flings with guys. I know that she's aware of it, but I still say it's cheating. My dad says it's not cheating, because he can't help it that he's g*y and therefore has no sexual desires for his wife. I agree that he can't help that he's g*y, but I don't see it as any different from straight guys who lose sexual interest in their wives. many couples lose that interest, but that doesn't give them carte blanche to go with other people. I think when you commit to marry someone, whether you are g*y or straight, you should be faithful. anything less is cheating no matter what the circumstance. Any opinions?

Answer 1

If they are legally married, then yes, but it doesn't sound like emotional cheating, since she's not hurt by it.

Answer 2

Yes, it is cheating. Straight or g*y, for as long as they are married, can't help it is not a reason nor excuse to have s*x with people other than the person they married.  

Answer 3

I think your mother is a very steadfast woman for being willing to part with her lifemate for his happiness. That being said, yes, it's cheating. Agreement or no, his commitment to her should supersede all others. The line about not being able to help being g*y seems like a justification for his actions to me. I understand that g*y people are made that way, I do. But he should either honor the commitment and the woman he chose, or he should do the honorable thing and give her a comfortable way out.

Answer 4

Of course it is cheating.  The old vows are clear: "forsaking all others".

I am bisexual (strong preference for guys), but did love my wife and was faithful to her during our marriage.  I thought it was wrong to be with anyone else, and I'm happy I stayed faithful.

Now that we are divorced, I hope to eventually find a boyfriend, to whom I will also be faithful.

That being said, for whatever reason they have decided on this arrangement, and it isn't for anyone else to tell them what to do.  I am sad for your mom, for I think she at first didn't understand the situation fully and also maybe gave up too easily on herself.  Perhaps if they had divorced, she, too, may have found love.  I don't know if she thinks it is too late for that now.  But they are the only people who can decide to change their arrangement or get divorced.

Answer 5

I agree!

Just because your g*y does not give you an excuse to cheat!

I was married for 21 years and never once cheated on my wife.  It was not until she left me, and had no intention of coming back to me that I had a "fling" with a guy.  We were not divorced yet, so technically it could be considered cheating!  

I agree that he should be the one to leave the marriage, or at least allow her to have s*x with others!  It is not fair that she should have to do with out!

Answer 6

Nope, your dad and mom agreed to an open relationship.

Answer 7

if your mom knows about it then its not..

but its still wrong.