Just curious??

Question

Why aren't adoptive parents the ones searching for the first mothers to say thank you?

if someone gave me the one thing that i could never have more than anything else, wouldn't it seem that they would be lining up at the adoption agency to find these women and say "thank you"?

i know that families who donate their deceased loved ones organs to save the lives of others get at least that.

Answer 1

You just posted a virtually identical question a little while ago, here:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

What's the answer you're looking for?

Are repeated questions that are clearly designed to provoke a certain reaction really meant for discussion?

Answer 2

I think it's mostly out of fear.  If the child is young, they don't want to confuse him/her.  And if they're older, they may think that the child will like their biological parent better.  And a lot of times biological parents don't want to be found.  I have a friend who got pregnant as a teenager and was forced to give the baby up by her parents.  The little girl only lives about fifty miles away, and she knows that, but it kills her knowing HER child is there and she's not allowed to have any part of her life.

Answer 3

Adoptive parents that didn't have an open adoption are afraid that their child will be taken away from them.    They live with that fear every day.  I don't think they want to test the waters. But I am an adoptee, and I hear what you are saying.

Answer 4

Some biological mothers don't want to be found.

Answer 5

I'm sorry, but I find this question rude.  I do not think you should be talking like that.

Answer 6

I think your question is quite presumptuous to assume that adoptive parents don't search for birth families. I'm sure it happens more than you think.

Answer 7

good question

Answer 8

i think there is a few answers to this. they are afraid the birthparents will enter their lives and try to be 'mom and dad' to the child. that is a title of respect and they dont want to share it. i wouldnt, if i had raised a child their whole life i wouldnt want someone else to come in and take that spot away from me. even if that didnt happen i think the fear would still be there.

worry about what they will find. if they did a search found the birthparents were a mess, how would they explain that? when the questions started to come from the childeren and they knew the birthparents were bad people or in a bad situation they have to explain that. in this case i would think ignorance was bliss.

or the flip side of this, what if they are wonderful successful and rich, and they are humble and middle class? i would think the child would look at them and wonder why they have to live by a budget and their birthfamily are living high on the hog. seems like that would be a slap in the face.

im sure there are contless reasons why, but i would think fear would be the biggest reason. if the roles were reversed and i was the adopted parent not the adoptee im pretty sure i would be scared of what i would find.

Answer 9

You know its not up to the birth parents to look for the bio mom. Sometimes she and the family want this to be closed for a reason. Its not that they dont look they arent sure what will come out of it in the end. I am sure there are tones of people that have adopted that have tried to look to say thanks and cant get anywhere because the records are closed!!!!!!!!You dont seem to understand unless you keep it as an open adoption you dont know where the birth mom is.Its not as simple as you think. So mayeb you need to look into this before you asume we that have adopted dont try to look.

Answer 10

By way of answering your question I have a story for you.

My In-Laws adopted my Sister-In-Law.  She came home to them at six days old.

They sent the birth Mom Christmas cards every year until they started coming back because she was no longer at the address.  

Many years later, she contacted them and they happily put her in touch with my SIL.  

Now mind you she is getting friendly with forty now, married and three children of her own but my In-Laws were very thankful and open with with everyone about the adoption.  The birth Mom and they choose not to have her involved in the girl life early on for fear of confusion and I don't know that the girl knew they were send the birth mom cards but the three parents have a great and thankful relationship to this day.

It was one of my nieces birthdays and she had three Grandmothers and three Grandfathers there and everyone seemed so comfortable with each other!  It was really great to see.

This is just to say it does - did - happen.

Answer 11

That is a great question. The gift of a child should be one of the most appreciated gifts you could give I'd think.