Just found out i'm pregnant and want to give my unborn child up?

Question

i'm 22 married and have a lovly girl of 2! i was on the pill and we used condom most of the time so this pregnnacy has came as a big shock to us! i want the baby but then i know we couldn't coz we are living with my mother in law and me and my husband has only just got back 2gether i dont want to have abortions i would rather give it up has anyone any ideas? i want serious answer not rude ones please

Answer 1

i llike the fact that you don't want to go for abortion and i applaude you for that, yes you should look up an adoption agency

good luck to you on that, many things can happen in 9 months maybe when you see your baby in your arms you wont want to give it up

:)

Good luck

augh I dont know but im getting emotional over this question maybe its because of this sad songs thats playing.

Answer 2

Make sure this is what you want to do....and if you are serious about giving your child up for adoption, you can consider independent adoption in which you can have terms for an open adoption. So maybe you will see pictures of the child on a regular basis or be introduced when a child is old enough to understand....etc.  I know more than one family looking to adopt a newborn.

Answer 3

Talk to your husband it's the only way to sirt this out.

I hope everything goes well

Good Luck.

Answer 4

hi you sound really sad you poor thing!  i can understand what you are going through, you are very young to be doing this on your own isnt their anyone to help you for support?

if you think you can carry the baby then give it up for adoption am sure there are lots of people out their to help you i would go to see your gp first,  he will get you the right people to talk to & hopfully help you out. Your partener should be helping you out on this 2 as he in involved in this,  try no to stress about this & get some help you will feel much better once you have spoken to somebody about what you want to do & they will help you every step of the way, I really hope this advice helps you & take care xxxx

Answer 5

you sound like you need a big hug and support. Have you got any close friends near you that you can pour your heart out to?

My friend didnt want her 2nd child all the way from start to finish but has never regretted keeping him, in fact she coped better with him than the first.

Your midwife or doctor may be able to offer you support and advice.

Good luck.

Answer 6

give it up for adoption, Dont get an abortions, please, what a wast of life.

Answer 7

Bless your heart.  You are going through a really tough time.  Take a deep breath, and step back for a few minutes.  Ask yourself, because you are the only one who knows -- are the problems that you are going through going to resolve themselves anytime soon?  If so, take an emotional, physical, and mental inventory to see if you 1) Can, 2) Want to be pregnant, be a mother again, take care of this baby /child for the rest of its life.  If your answer is "No, I cannot or do not want to at this time", then consider adoption for the sake of this child and your other.

Open adoption allows you the opportunity to know the adoptive parents and stay in touch with them and your child forever, if you wish.

You are the only one who knows what is truly best for this baby.  Reach deep down inside your mind, heart and soul, and you will come up with the right answer.

Email me if you need referrals for good agencies, or any support or information about adoption.  Take care.

Answer 8

i know you said you dont want an abortion but i think if you did it would be a lot emotional and stress full

Answer 9

You need to follow your gut instinct, you know what is best for your family and your child, obviously there is a lot to this story and we only get a tiny piece of it. I am one of those people who can't have children and want too, so i am biased to the adoption issue. If your husband doesn't want the child and/or it isn't his then you have complete control over the issue.

Sweetheart think of Your child, God has plans for it, just let go and let your heart lead your decision and NO ONE has the right to influence you.

adoption is a great option for you and your child and you could ask for an open adoption and still keep up in pictures and letters to see how baby is doing..

you have a lot of options

good luck

Answer 10

You will not be able to give her/him up.  I dont even know why you are considering it in this day and age, especially when you are married to the father and have a child already.  So what you are living with your nmother in law - it is her grandchild too , part of her family.  You wont be living with her forever , so just think about  the question you have asked.

Answer 11

The fact that this has come as such a shock and at a bad time is making you feel you couldnt have another child.  I totally disagree with abortion and there are plenty of people unable to have their own child that would love to adopt yours.

I would speak to your GP about your depression as that certainly wont help but give it a little time and talk to your husband - you may feel differently after a couple of months.

If not - then your GP will be able to put you in contact with the right people

Answer 12

Give it up for adoption.  There are thousands of parents out there right now hoping to adopt a baby.  Go through a private agency - contact any one of them and they'll jump on it - and that way you'll have everything paid for that has to do with the pregnancy by the adoptive parents.

I'm on that other side, waiting to adopt....  Just make sure you're sure about it, don't jerk around with people's hearts and emotions.  Commit to it and then follow through with it knowing that the parents who are waiting to adopt are most likely well off financially (they'd have to be somewhat to pay $$ to adopt) and will raise that baby pampered and with everything it could ever want or need.

Answer 13

Just so you know...only those who are unmarried can get away with relinquishing without needing the father's consent.  You're married, they will not even consider the idea unless he is in favor of this as well.  I have been there.  I was and still am seperated from the father of both my children, the youngest I relinquished for adoption at her birth.  I juggled with the pregnancy for many many months before I decided that this was best for all of us.  Husband's only response was "does this mean I only have to pay for one?"  Really sit and think about it.  Research what you can.  Open adoption are not legally enforceable, once you sign this child away, it will be done....over.  Do not contact an agency or attorney until you have researched this, discuss with your husband, discuss with your family.  I was in my seventh month when I decided....you need to sit and consider all of this.  Every one of us handles our situation differently.  While I do not regret relinquishment, I do miss her and think about her all the time.  She has a big sister who knows about her and cannot wait to see her in person (even tho it may be years).  This does not mean that you will feel the same way.  Wait it out, let the shock wear off before you and your husband jump to any rash decisions.  When you are six or seven months along and still feel this is a better option, then sit down with hubby and discuss what you both want done.  You said you really want this child.  Already this sounds like you could not go thru with this.  Situations do change.  Remember the old saying: adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

FYI, Sue: a child is not a "gift".

Answer 14

OK first off, you said "you want the baby" but you couldnt have it due to living with your mother in law. I think the answer is already there. You and your hubby have just got back together? so what. When the baby arrives, then its make or break. People bring up kids on there own every single day! They get money from the state if they dont work. I am not sure if your american or from UK, but here in the UK, there is pleanty of help with housing, benefits etc. You CAN provide for that child.

Get yourself housed, you have 9 months to sort it. Talk to your husband, even try marridge councilling if thats what it takes to get you both back on track. Adoption isnt the answer here at all. Your not the worst case.

count on family and friends too. Do what you can. And provide for the baby. DONT put the baby up for adoption.

Never thaught I would here myself say that, but i dont think you have good cause for adoption.

Whatever you do, then I hope you make the right decsion for you and your unborn child.

Answer 15

I'm so so sorry that you've been through all this on your own. you have had a awful time i really feel for you . well i can only give you my apin to this i would personally keep the baby move out of the mother-in-laws house she really has no right to tell you what to do and i would tell him to grow up and sort him self out and to support you when you need him most.. one thing to think about while you are carrying this baby is could you give him or her up think back to when you gave birth to your little girl the first time you hold her and kissed her what you felt at that very time not after or anything else just that moment and there you will find your answer to you Q hope this helps just remember this is your child and you can do whats best for you and your baby there is so much help for people with the baby blues now days so if you do keep the baby just ask for help when its born explain to the doctor what you have been through before and you will find him or her very help full good luck darling all the best

Answer 16

My heart realy goes out to you. You have had a realy bad time may i wish you and your family all the love and luck in the world. You will do the right thing in the end nobody can tell you what to do and how to feel. Take care.

Answer 17

Contact an adoption agency?

Answer 18

Don't worry about the rude answers. Some people are not happy unless they are being a jerk. I am glad you don't want an abortion as that would wreak havoc on your body. Might I also add that it is not up to the mother - in - law whether you have this baby or not. She cannot make that decision for you. Please don't listen to her. She sounds mean even though she is letting you live with her. I live with my mother - in - law at the moment as she has health issues and I have 5 kids and my hubby and an 18 yr old neice to look after. And she would never tell me such an awful thing. I would suggest thinking this through more thoroughly as once this decision is made it is hard to change the circumstances. Even though you have had a rough patch make sure this is what you and your hubby want. If you still want to adopt out the baby then search adoption agencies in your town. But most of all good luck and god bless. :)

Answer 19

A child will never understand why you keep one and give one away - think about how the children are going to feel, both of them, before you do this permanent act that may now feel the answer to what could be a temporary situation

I totally understand that unplanned pregnancy can happen, even within marriage (gasp!)  From what I have read here there seem to be alot of anti-s*x folk, how sad is that

Answer 20

I say give yourself some time.  There are many potential adoptive parents (okay myself included) who will make an excellent parent but you must decide for yourself and the pregnancy is nine monbths so time to decide and weigh options.  Planned parenthood is good to give all the choices to you.

Answer 21

To be honest you sound a bit confused at the moment to make any rash decisions.  Talk it over with your husband, your in laws have nothing to do with your decision.  Go to the council about accommodation etc.  If you are not going to have an abortion, leave your decision till closer to the birth, just sort your lives out.  This year might be a turn around for you!  Good Luck.

Answer 22

That is a really tough situation!  Here is a website that has some good information for you.  They have counsellors and they do adoptions, but they might have some other solutions for you too.

Answer 23

Congrat's on your pregnancy!  Whatever you decide, you are going to bring another life into the world and that is a miracle.  There are some wonderful adoption agencies out there and these days all the decisions belong to you and your husband (as they should).  You pick the family, you even pick when you pick!  Their is one agency in particular I would recommend.  www.adoptionnetwork.com, they can give you a much better idea of the process and what help might be available to you (help w/food, maternity clothes, medical expenses, etc.).  It sounds like you are a loving mom who wants what is best for both children!

Answer 24

You will never be able to do it,..

It will destroy youy inside so so bad as every day you look at your little girl you will be thinking god i have given anotehr one of these away...

Termination is a option but again destroys you and i really do not believe in it..

Can you not set a game plan for a chuge change in the next 8 months??

We found out i was pregnant bough an moved into a house a week before baby came..It can be done

Answer 25

Please think it out really really good.  I understand that you are going through tough things w/marraige, money, etc..but really think about if down the road 10yrs, 20yrs, how much you will think about that baby.  And where it is, and what it looks like.  I know people give up for adoptions everyday, but I don't understand it in your case.  You are married, healthy, have another child, young and able to raise.  Im not trying to be rude, but If I were in your shoes, and I have been there, I would not give it up for adoption.  Make the best of it.  It will work out. Even if you are a single parent (like me). Please just think about it before you sign it away.  If you absolutey want to do it, then that's a decision you will have to live with for the rest of your life. good luck.  I hope you don't regret it.

Answer 26

I wouldn't wish the pain of being without one's mother on anyone. It is really difficult to grow up with strangers. I wish my mother would have terminated her pregnancy rather than sentence me to a life where I can't trust or love.

If you won't parent, please don't birth your baby.

Answer 27

this must have come as a shock to you, why not give yourself some time to come to terms with the idea before you make any rash decisions?

What does your partner say? Obviously he'll need to know if you're thinking of going through with the pregnancy.

If you still want to give the child away, you'll need to contact an adoption agency

Best wishes with whatever you decide

Answer 28

Contact an agency.  Talk it thru with your husband.  It sounds like you are going thru so much right now. This is your decision to make.  Just take it slow and make an informed decision.  Don't let anyone pressure you into making decisions you don't want to do.  You have the right to change your mind at anytime.  To adopt or not to.  Good luck to you and your baby.

Answer 29

well coming from someone who has put there child up for adoption..let me just tell you this..it is the hardest thing i ever did in my life..i knew it was what was best for him but it is so hard..you know what it's like to be pregnant and to feel the baby moving in side you and all that then you go to the hospital and have the baby and you leave empty handed..it takes a very strong person to do that...plus it sounds like you already are dealing with alot of stress and you are still grieving for your father ....to much stress is not good...i really feel for you and i wish you all the best..see i'm not against abotion..but it just wasn't for me...there are some people whoo can't handle the adotion so you to sit long  and hard with your husband and think about what is the best thing for you two and Paige..

all the best

Answer 30

please dont do it. i was pregnant, and the dad wasnt around but i still kept it, now i have a lovely 17week old. to think i wanted to get rid of him.  

i think you shoudl keep it

x*x

Answer 31

Awww. I am so sorry you have been having a hard time. I too applaus you for not wanting an abortion, and I applaus you again for considering your unborn child and what you are able to offer it. Only you can determine if you are able to give your unborn baby what it needs and if you think you are unable to meet those needs now or at sometime in the future, then you are a stronger person than you realise, for doing this.

You will need to contact an adoption agency to arange the adoption. I hope all things work out well for you and who knows what the future will hold for you, your family and your unborn child.