Just had a baby and broke up w/my baby's daddy..need advice.?

Question

I just had a baby not too long ago. This Saturday she will be 1 month old. I just broke up w/my baby's daddy b/c he doesn't have a job and won't make a real effort to go find one. He is sweet and loving but doesn't want to make an effort to support us. I dont' know, for some reason I can't help to feel like I made a terrible mistake. I don't want to lose him, but I also don't want my baby's daddy to lay up on the couch all day either. Has someone been in this situation? How did you deal w/it? and Did he ever change?

I feel so depressed right now....I just need a lil bit of advice.

Answer 1

yeah thats a tough situation. my husbands brother was exactly like that, he never worked, while his wife had 2 jobs to support them he was at home lazing about and not getting up until noon, she tried leaving him but couldn't bear it because she loved him so much. so always took him back, after much encouragement from all our family my brother-in-law really sat down and thought about what he would LIKE to do for a job, he decided he wanted to be a youth worker, so went out got a job and they havn't looked back, he is now one of the hardest working people i know, he provides alot for his wife and soon to be child (she is now 7 months pregnant). maybe he just really needs to find out what he would LOVE to do for a job and go after it. having said that he already has a family and still needs to provide for them no matter what, i know my husband would catch chickens for a living if he had too. follow your instincts, if you think he will never change your better off with out him, if you think there is a chance he might... support and encourage him. hope this helped. good luck and congrats on your baby girl

Answer 2

You did the right thing, being a father is a grown up job, and he needs to grow up.  Maybe this will be the kick in the pants he needs to grow up.

By letting him go, you are proving you will not enable and reward his laziness.  Maybe he will prove himself in the future and you two can work it out.

Congratulations on your baby girl, such a blessing!  Hopefully she will inspire him to be the best man he can be!  

Answer 3

well i was kinda in that situation. i was about 2 months pregnant and my babysdaddy and me were arguing constantly and i didnt want to miscarry so i broke up with him and we stayed broke up until after i had him and he  was at the hospital and everything and i guess he realized how much we both meant to him and now we are amazinng. so my advice to you is to leave him and if he doesnt get a job and show you that he wants to be there then he isnt someone that you should be with. just tell him that if he decides to make things better then to call you and until then to just think about things. god luck!

Answer 4

Hi there. Okay, if you love this man don't let him go unless he isn't willing to help in the families situation. Talk to him, My advice would say get a job and i will want you in my life because it shows you care about my feelings and support for your child's needs, don't get a job i see where i stand. My mother had that situation, and now my daddy is COL in the army :]

Good luck.

<3

Answer 5

Ignore the ignorant people on here please. Everyone is so quick to judge, if you had got on here and said you just had an abortion for this very reason the same people would be all over you.  

Anyway, I think you need to do what feels right. If you love him and you can work it out try as hard as you can, not for you but for your daughter.  You need to sit him down and have a very honest conversation and tell him you need him and so does the baby. I know from experience you can't change someone who doesn't want to change, but you can try to make him understand where you are coming from.  Good luck sweetie and take good care of that beautiful baby!!!

Answer 6

ummm i think u should tlk to him and try to get him bacc and say can u at least fill out papers for a job and srry but u did make a mistack cuz a babys life is hard will out a mom or dad cuz my life's fucced up cuz my mom and dad went their owns way  

Answer 7

Tell him if he doesnt get a job then you will file for child support. Believe me...no guy wants to owe child support. If he really cared about you and your baby he would find a job. He obviously doesnt care that much... dont worry you will get over him. Later on you can find a better man to be a father to your child.  

Answer 8

Well hopefully since he now knows your serious about everything he will smarten up. Good for you for standing up for yourself and your daughter.

You sound very smart, but why use the saying my baby's daddy? It sounds so trailer park/ghetto.

Answer 9

Ignore anyone who tries to make you feel bad. Of course you dont regret your beautiful baby! Whatever has happened in the past, you clearly want to do the right thing now for your baby and yourslef and that is the most important thing. If your baby's Daddy isn't prepared to support his family then you are better off to go it alone and show him that you are not prepared to carry him - if he wants to be involved in his family then he has to contribute to it.

Of course, you have to let him see his baby, but make it very clear that you want a good life for your child and him lazing around on the coach is not going to provide a good example for your child. Be strong - you are a Mother now and you need to stand up for what is best for your daughter. You are doing the right thing, and if the Daddy can get his act together and you decide you want to try again then make sure he knows that it's his second chance, and his last chance - you can't have him coming and going every time he wants.

I hope this helps, and I think your concern shows you to be a good Mother! Wishing you lots of success and health for your family.

Answer 10

You have a baby without a marriage and now you are regretting it?

Answer 11

you just had a baby so your hormones are still not right yet and it is normal to want the best for your baby and for the daddy to be responsible but try not to be too hasty right now.  if he is being supportive and helping to care for the baby in other ways besides financially like feeding and changing etc. that is awesome.  he may be having a hard time looking for a job because he wants to spend time with his family (you and the baby) right now.  if you haven't already talk to him and tell him your fears and see what his are.  make your expectations known and give him a chance to meet them.  i've heard the saying that people don't change but I have known alot of people..men especially that change for their children.