Just had a baby boy...

Question

i have a few things if anyone can help with any of them.

1. Does anyone know how to tell if i'm giving him enough to eat. I'm breastfeeding. He always seems hungry and I'm scared.

2. I feel depressed but only when his daddy goes to work. When he is home I'm fine and all taking care of the baby but when he leaves I feel sad and cry alot and just want the baby to sleep. I still take care of him I just cry also ALOT when he's not here.

3. I think i'm having problems getting attached to my baby because I'm scared something will happen to him.

4. when he is sleeping during the day I feel guilty if I'm not constantly paying attention to him. If i relax for one second I feel like a bad mother. almost like i'm ignoring him in some way.

thanks

Answer 1

Oh honey, everything you described is perfectly normal.  I went through everything you just said when I had my baby boy.  

1.  The way breastfeeding works is this:  when the baby sucks, the body makes milk.  If the baby drinks all the milk in your b*****s your body knows to make a little more next time.  In a little while you're going to have so much milk you'll be engorged.  It takes some time for your body to sort it out.  If you are concerned you can get together with a lactation consultant.

2.  Your hormones coupled with your exhaustion is what's making you cry all of the time.  It's great you have such a wonderful relationship with your husband.  The old adage is true, Sleep when the baby sleeps.  Ignore the dishes and the laundry that are needing cleaned.  Spend time holding your baby when he's awake.  If your depression gets worse you should talk to your OB/GYN and talk about antidepressants.  There are both pros and cons to taking them and only you and your doctor can decide what's right for you.

3.  Not feeling attached to your baby is normal.  If this is your first you worry about everything that could happen.  You'll soon discover that babies are a lot more resiliant than we give them credit.  Once your baby is a little older you'll feel closer.  Wait until he looks at you and smiles or you hear his first laugh.  You're going to look back at your feelings of unattachment that you have now and wonder how you could have ever felt this way.  I promise, I've been there!

4.  I understand that you feel you should be doing something 24/7 for your son, but you need to understand something.  You are a good mom by letting him sleep without disturing him.  He needs his rest to grow and develope.  You also are a good mom if you sit down and put your feet up when you have a chance.  In fact, taking a nap during the day (or 2 or 3 naps) shows how much you love him.  You're not sleeping through the night right now, so you have to get your rest in chunks.  If you don't sleep or rest you are not going to be the best you can be for your son.

Honey, many of us moms have been right where you are right now.  I'd love to have you email me.  I'm a stay at home mom and if you want to I can give you my phone number and we can talk during the day.  You are going to be just fine once you come out the other end of this fog you're in from no sleep.  I promise you that!

Answer 2

I agree with the post about post partum depression however I will add that my children are all adopted and I was the same way so I'm not so sure that is only a medical condition I think it can be an emotional one as well. You are so high with excitement before the little one comes then he’s born and everyone is so happy and you can't wait to show him off then all of a sudden it STOPS! This is kind of a bad comparison but remember how Christmas feels you are so excited about all the hoopla that happens before then Christmas comes and then there’s nothing.

Plus, you are sleep deprived. That in itself is enough to make you nuts! Nursing, sorry you kind of have to go with the other moms on that however I will tell you that La League is great. I have many moms who I have referred to them. Not only do they deal with nursing they also deal with bonding. Also many hospitals have lactation consultants either on staff or can refer you to one.

So,

1. Call you doctor about post partum.

2. Call hospital about local resources.

3. Call or visit the la league site until you can meet or talk with the consultant.

4. SLEEP!!!! If he sleeps you sleep! Who cares about what the house looks like.

5. If you have friends or church members close ask for help. They may have been where you are. Put him in the stroller and take a walk.

The worst thing you can do is ignore it. Don't let yourself fall into that depressed state. You’re a good mom, I can tell just by your concerns and your questions.

Oh, and if you weren't bonding with him, you wouldn't care! Enjoy being his mom. You are perfect to him. God Bless you, I will pray for you now.

Are you sorry you asked? :-)

Answer 3

1. Try and feed the baby for 20 mins on each breast and then do the same thing 2 hrs after. I am sure you have a doctors appointment coming up and if your baby gained enough weight from doing that then he is getting enough to eat. Keep in mind that babies will cry and you might think they are hungry and they are really not. They have a rooting reflex to such so they can actually eat to much and make them uncomfortable and promote obesity in the future.

2. I think you have become dependent on your husband. It's pretty normal especially for first time mothers. We fear so much. It might be an onset of post-partum depression but I think you can beat it. If this continues for another week, I suggest you go see your doctor. Try looking forward to doing things with your baby. Even if he is sleeping just talk to him or even sing to him. Think of it as mommy and baby time instead of family time when dad is there. You have to find positives to look on to get through this.

3. You know what, the chances of something happening to your baby are very slim if you just take care of his basic needs including cuddling and kissing him a lot. Starting to think you are getting too attached because something will happen to him, will detach you from your baby. Believe me, he may not show it but he is loving when you hold him and kiss him and breastfeed him (bonding) and so much more. You'll be fine and remember that many women go through this.

4. Don't feel guilty, you can't take care of anyone until you take care of yourself. Sleep when baby is sleeping so you can get to relax and rest. You are being a great mother when you check on your baby periodically. You are a wonderful individual and a wonderful mother, don't ever doubt that or yourself. All you have to do is love your child and everything will fall into place.  

Answer 4

Congrats on your new baby!!!

1. Feed him as much as he wants, you are breastfeeding so the more you feed him the more milk you will produce and the fuller he will get , and soon it wont be so often.

2I got depressed after my hubby went back to work, I felt overwelmed, I had no more family around we live out of state. And I cried for the first week or 2 , and it got alot easier I got used to being alone with my daughter. But if you feel there might be a bigger issue, you should talk with your DR. PPD can happen easily in these cases.

3.Every mother has these anxioties at first about something happening to the baby. We check on them consitanly, put our hands on the belly see if they are breathing. Check their head for temps. Relax( I know its hard) but most likely nothing will happen and your baby will be just fine.

4.You are not a bad mother. When the baby is sleeping, YOU sleep, or rest. or grab the monitor and go take a warm soothing bath and relax. Sleeping baby is what I call "MY TIME" cause believe me , for a few months, you want them to sleep just so you can brush your teeth. It does get better. You are not a bad mom, you are a great mom with all the concerns you have, its all normal.

But really if you feel very depressed, dont hesitate to call and talk with your DR. that is very importanat to get control of before it turns into something worse.

Good Luck and Congrats!!! <3

Answer 5

1. Baby will eat when hungry, dont worry about him not eating enough, try to get yourself on a schedule so you know at this time he eats and so on..

2. Feeling depressed is very normal for a mom after she has a baby, after i had my daughter i would cry at least 7 times a day, even for the strangest things. Its called post pardum depression and you could have it for up to your six week checkup, after that confront your doctor.

3. Very normal to think something is going to happen to your baby, my daughter is 1 and i still freak out thinking that something bad will happen. Try not to think about the nagatives of things, i know its hard but your baby is healthy (otherwise they wouldnt have let him out of the hospital) and he has a mommy and daddy who love him very much as i can tell. So nothing bad is going to happen, try to stop worrying so much although it is normal.

4. Noo mama you deserve time for yourself to! you are only human! he is sleeping, you dont need to be holding him all the time, you CAN take time for yourself too, after all, you deserve it.

Let me assure you, everything will get better, you will get on a routine with your son and it will be like you have been doing this all your life! Every new mother feels the same way, and those are the 4 top questions we all have! lol in a year from now you will be answering a question just like this :) because a year ago i was asking this stuff too, congrats by the way :)  

Answer 6

Call your doc, it sounds like the beginnings of post-partum depression. Be sure to tell her everything and she should be able to get you some support.  

Answer 7

1. breastfed babies always seems hungry, they love the comfort of mummy. anytime they can latch on to that boob they will take the opportunity. he's getting enough to eat if he has between 4-6 wet diapers and at least one dirty diaper every week.

2. see your doc. this is NORMAL and can be treated. most of us get the baby blues. do not feel guilty to get a sitter and have some serious adult time. you need it, you've been through alot.

3. again, normal.....don't worry.....we all get overwhelmed with this new wonderful life. your body and mind knows what to do, do what feels natural. the whole idea of "instant love" isn't true, like any other person..........your baby grows on you. after a while you will laugh at this question and wonder if you are too obsessed with your child. trust me.......it all works out.

4. take the time when he's sleeping to do what you want to do. no guilt required. watch a cheesy movie, eat ice cream, take a glorious nap.

bottom line, all your feelings are normal and you are a GREAT MUM for acknowledging them. see your doc if you feel the depression is scary or unrelenting but it is part of a new baby and any honest person will tell you that.

congrats! keep you head up girl! you are doing great!

Answer 8

all thos feelings are normal. just relax and let nature kick in. if you start getting more depreesed and you start to have thoughts about hurting yourself or teh baby, call your doc and get seen immediately cause then you are having the baby blues post pregnancy depression due to your hormones trying to go back to normal and you dont wanna risk harming yourself or the baby. u need to be put on meds immediately!@

Answer 9

1. You know your baby is getting enough to eat if he is having 6-8 wet diapers a day and 3-4 poopy diapers a day. If baby is gaining weight, he is getting enough to eat. Breastfed babies need to eat more often because breastmilk is digested easily and quickly and there is almost no waste. Do not stop nursing. Also, clusterfeeding in the evenings is very normal. It doesn't mean you are not making enough milk!

2. This is totally normal! Having a new baby is a lot of hard work and you can feel overwhelmed when you're alone. Is there anyone who can come hang out with you during the day, even for an hour or so? Try looking for local mom groups. I am not sure how old your baby is, but getting out of the house is good for both of you!

3. Totally normal to  be worried about your baby. Just proves you're a loving mom.

4. Don't feel guilty for taking time for yourself. You can't be a good or effective mom if you don't take care of yourself. Try taking a nap when he's sleeping so you're well rested. Don't feel like you need to cook or clean or get things done when the baby is napping. Take the time to nap yourself!

Answer 10

1. Well as a mama to two beautiful children, Benjamin 6 years and Isabella 10 wks. I ONLY breast fed my son and plan to same with my daughter - babies breast feed a lot during they first 6 weeks especially at about 3 weeks and then again at 6 weeks, but every baby is different. Just make sure that you let him feed until he pulls off the breast, then burp him and offer the other breast to him. If he takes it he is still hungry, if not then he is full. However, each baby feeds at different intervals too. My son use to want to eat every 1 1\2 hours, my daughter wants to eat about every 2 1\2 to 3 hours. The best advice I can give you is, feed him when ever he seems hungry and don't take him off of one breast and put him on the other breast to soon. The first milk that comes out is high in calories and digests faster. If your baby drinks the first milk off both b*****s and doesn't drink the hind milk that has more fat then they are hungry faster. The hind milk fills them up longer, because the fat digests slower. Also I would suggest contacting a breast feeding clinic or the La Leche League in your area, they can help you.

2. It sounds as if you are experiencing some postpartum depression, contact you doctor and be completely open with him or her. Also, talk to your husband about it, maybe he can take FMLA time to stay home a week or so with you and the baby.

3. It's normal to have some fear of some awful happening to your infant, but it's important to bond with him, for both of you. Skin on skin contact with your baby will help. Also this sounds like a postpartum depression symptom as well.

4. The best thing I can tell you is don't feel guilty, you need to sleep when he sleeps, rest up, and if your not tired, then take some time to yourself. You are a new mommy, but you are also the same woman before who needs to cater to yourself every now and then. Don't feel guilty. Part of being a good mom is taking care of yourself.

Hope this helps.  

Answer 11

1. Pediatricians will say you can tell if they're getting enough by the number of wet and poopie diapers and by their weight gain.  You'll soon be able to learn when he's hungry (or still hungry).  He might start rooting around looking for your breast or start munching on his hand.  Mine does both of those, plus sometimes he'll smack.  And cry.

2. Your sadness when Daddy goes to work may be your nervousness. You sound like you may be a first time mother and you're a little scared about taking care of another person, especially one who demands so much and who is so small.

3. I thought the same thing with my first baby.  I feel that the whole "instant attachment" thing doesn't happen with everyone.

4.  Don't feel guilty about relaxing for a moment.  You're not ignoring him.  My little man is sleeping next to me while I'm on my laptop right now.  

You're not a bad mother and don't ever consider yourself one!  I think you're just nervous and scared.  To me, you seem like you want to be the best mother you can be to that little boy, and you're going to be!

Everything is going to be ok!!

Answer 12

1. You have to judge by the umber of wet diapers he's havng per day. Maybe your not making enough milk. Nothing wrong with formula feeding, at least you know that he's getting milk and they stay fuller longer on formula.

2. Totally normal, being a new mom is VERY hard work and can be overwhelming, Remember that your hormones are going crazy right now. It WILL get better. If this feeling persists you might have post partum depression and need to see a doctor about it.

3. Again, post partum depression. I think you should see a doctor instead of waiting. PPD is really common and treatable.

4. Well he'd probably appreciate you not paying attention to him while he's sleeping! ;) He's trying to sleep..have a nap yourself when he does this. It will help you avoid becoming completely exhausted. Don't be so hard on yourself! Your doing a great job and it will get better. We all go through this and although you might need to be treated for post partum depression, that's normal and you'll be okay. Keep the lines of communication open with your husband. Talk to him and let him know how you feel and that you need some TLC too!!

Answer 13

ur just finding it hard to bond with the baby,thats common

i do suggest you speak to your partner about this,ur feelings.

or speak to a counselor plz

good luck to you and ur baby

Answer 14

It's all normal.

1. It's normal for new babies to eat a ton. It's meant to help boost your milk supply and get it well established. My son ate every 1-2hrs around the clock. I got worried to so kept a log of when he ate, for how long, and when he had wet and poopy diapers. As long as your baby is having 6 wet and a few poopy diapers, your baby is getting plenty. I just kept track for a few days for peace of mind.

2. It's normal to feel this way for a while. If it goes past 6wks I would talk to your doctor about it. Try holding your baby close, skin to skin. Just strip him down to a diaper and wrap yourselves in a nice robe or blanket. I sat around like that a lot in the early days. It helps your body produce more endorphins and will also help with your milk supply.

I regretted not enjoying my pregnancy more and decided that I wouldn't regret one minute of his early days. I found out later that what I did instinctively helped with my baby blues.

3. See #2. It's ok to have the feelings you do. I didn't feel well attached until maybe 3 months. It's a hard adjustment to make.

4.You need time to take care of yourself to be a good mom. Take a shower, eat, and even take a long bath when dad is home. You need some you time. I still have this feeling from time to time. My son doesn't nap much or well so I end up having to get a lot done when he is awake and I feel like I am neglecting him even though he doens't seem to mind. I remind myself that he seems happy, he is not crying, so he must be ok and I must be doing a good job. Just keep in mind that babies sometimes cry dispite your best efforts and it doesn't mean you have done something wrong.  

Answer 15

1. Breastfeeding can be hard, and I know how you feel about not knowing if he is getting enough. Pump if you think maybe he isn't getting full, and see about how much you are producing out of each breast. That will kind of give you an idea of about how much he is getting. Also, just breast feed on demand. It is really hard to put a nursing baby on a schedule.

2. I have a 7 week old daughter, and I was really depressed when we came home. Especially when my husband would leave us home to go to work. Everytime he would go to work I would pack up and go to my mothers for a while, so I wouldn't be alone. It really helped me get passed feeling so down.

3. ALL good mothers are scared something will happen to their new baby. Many people kept telling me that I would get over it, and I didn't believe them, but don't worry. You will become more comfortable with him, and start worrying less. I felt like that for about the first 2-3 weeks, and like you I felt it was hurting the bond with my child. As soon as I stopped worrying so much, I instantly bonded with my baby girl! So don't worry, you will bond with him. It just may take a little bit of time to get use to everything.

4. They need to sleep! If he is feed, dry and happy, than he is fine. You are by NO means a bad mother for letting your little one lay down by himself for a little bit. During the day put him on his belly to give him a little belly time. That helps them lift their little heads up and keeps their little heads from getting flat, or bold!! Lol.

You are doing a wonderful job! Being a new mother is hard, exhausting and stressful at times. I was VERY emotional when I first came home with my little one. If you go look at my recent questions you will see some of my questions about feeling down.

Everything is normal! Just get some rest when your little one is sleeping.

Congrats Mommy!!

Answer 16

You are not alone in your feelings; this is common among many mothers’ especially first time moms. There are a few things that might help.

1: It does depend on how old baby is but if baby is gaining weight then he is getting enough food. If you are around the 6 week make they hit a growth spurt and you are right he is hungry. Just let him feed on what is called demand even if you do not have any milk left. This will increase your milk supply to his current needs. This happens many times through out breastfeeding. This can be as often as once ever couple of months at least. Anyways you can also tell if he is getting enough food by how many times he pees in a day. They say 6 to 8 pees a day which equals out to be about 4 to 5 diaper changes a day if you are using a brand of diaper like Huggies or Pampers.



2: It is okay to feel depressed you have just changed your life for the better, none the less it is still a hard adjustment. You feel the support of you husband and you feel that the two of you can handle anything together. When he leaves you do not have him right there to bounce ideas off of to resolve a cry or even let you get extra sleep. As a mom your instincts to love and protect your child are there, it just does not mean our confidence is as high. Many feel sad in this situation, I would recommend talking to a doctor or a health unit nurse, not because there is anything wrong with what your feeling as it is quite normal, the only reason I suggest this is some moms that end up with post partum depression or the baby blues could get out of this feeling much faster and enjoy those moments faster when they have someone else who knows exactly what you are going through and how to say the right things when you need to hear it. I had a mild case of post partum with my first child and never got help because I thought I was strong enough to make it through it on my own. I am now on my third child and have met many friends that did go to explain what they were feeling to someone and they felt happier faster then I did. I wish I had not been so stubborn to do it on my own. Support from your husband is just as important as support from the community.

3. You love your baby and want the best for him. The best way for you to be therefore your child is to let him feel that love from you. I had fears with my second that I would hurt him accidentally by bumping into my stair rail. They were really badly set up and I hated walking up those stairs. Again the best thing to do is explain your feelings to the doctor or the health nurse as they will be able to help you by showing you that many moms have similar experiences and how they get past it. Almost like when in the hospital they show you how to bath baby. In this situation they show you what the best way to care for your baby and yourself is. As mothers we tend to focus so much time and energy onto our baby that we forget about our selves. This leads into your fourth question.

4: You are feeling guilty because you have this moment to yourself. Use your time wisely in the best ways to make you feel happy. Some examples are having a bath to relax, bring in the baby monitor and you both will be fine. Or have a cup of coffee/tea/juice and grab a book and sit on the deck. Or join baby and have a nap if you need one. The other thing you can do is the obvious and that is house work, but do not spend too much time on everyone else as this means your love tank for yourself will go empty and then you will have nothing to give. You are aloud to give time to yourself just make sure he is safe before you leave. That is why the baby monitor was created just for all the moms just like you that feel guilty and wanted to watch baby sleep. Oh and by the way sometimes this is good self time too. It can put you in a peaceful place to sit in silence and watch your baby sleep.

My last suggestion is check out the website www.meetup.com for moms groups in your area. Sometimes there are some just for moms with infants and then you can meet many other moms that are just like you. We all are in some way or another, do not worry just talk to those that love you about how you feel and those that can be therefore you to help you through your feelings. I wish you, your husband and your baby the best in your future.

After thought: I was running a moms group up until a few days ago. I meet this lady for the first time through the group and she shared how she thought she was a bad mom and wife because she could not keep the house clean, the dinner on the table like before, and then baby was very time consuming too. After asking a few questions she had been told that you are suppose to be able to do all of this with ease, it is your job. I explained to her the truth, behind close doors that almost every first time mom or mom with an infant for that matter has a hard time keeping up with all of those things. After explaining what my house looked like after my son was born she felt she had someone that understood her. She had unneeded pressure of someone elses expectations put on her and this was making her feel depressed. Now she is very happy and says she does what she can, her child is happy, feed and clean, the house might be messy but who cares there is always tomorrow to get to that. Today what needed to get done got done.