Just in Time, what do you think?

Question

Just in Time

I thought he was gone for good

I just knew I waited too long

he hung on longer than he should

and if I were him, I'd be gone

I was sure he wouldn't talk to me

as I picked up my phone

I almost couldn't speak

when he said he was coming home

I fell hard in his embrace

and I said I was out of my mind

I thought you had left this place,

he said, you were just in time..

this is the beginning of it, what do you think?

Suggestions are very appreciated

Answer 1

i give it a 9 and half i'm a pro singer and so when i sang it with my guitar it was great i just think you should get someone to sing it and get it in the stores

Answer 2

omg... that was really gud... i wud like to ear the read the rest of it... keep going at it... u r one talented person...

Answer 3

I really loved it , and it really sounded very complete just the way it is!  It sounded like a very good ending, I really like it, it told the complete story, and loved your very fitting title ---good job as always !! Cheers !!

Answer 4

Thoughts are ideal and unique. My suggestions would be to see what you can do by rewording and removing some of the (I's).If it disturbs the flow, then don't do it. Like I've said before, I'm not a professional. It is sometimes more difficult to polish a stone than to find it. (Hey! That's an original!) Or that is the way it is with my poetry. lol. EDIT. Noticed the closing doors almost caught me. Got here just in time.Again lol. Check out millionaire no small miracle.

Answer 5

I love it!!! Add more to the song!!!

Answer 6

sounds really good i like it.

Answer 7

I think you have something here. Keep going with it....I would like to read the rest.