Just took in a nine month old and feeling so confused?

Question

I have unexpectedly become the guardian of a nine month old and I am boggled and overwhelmed, I do not even know where to begin. I also do not know yet if I will be the permanent guardian or not. I'd met the little guy before, but never saw him more then a few hours a week. I hate it but part of me feels...I dont know...almost resentment, not towards him but the situation in general. I love him and want what is best for him, and want to take care of him, but I wasnt ready for a kid, let alone someone elses! Also, I dont know how to do things...my style or should I stick to that of the mother? I'm hoping she will one day be able to take him back but at the same time...I cant be her! I made it through today, but I have no idea where to begin tomorow, or how to deal with whats going on in my head.

Answer 1

you will be fine

Answer 2

Well god bless you for trying but I have to say that if your heart is no into it FULLY that it is not going to just miraculously happen.  perhaps you can go see a counselor to help you sort through some of this and give to the child all of your patience and love.  OTHERWISE, you need to seek a better solution for the child...like adoption.  there are hundreds of families looking to give a child a home (without the resentment and stress).

Answer 3

Relax, relax, relax!   I would suggest a book or two, like "what to expect the first year" or something similar to give you some idea of how things should go. Check your local library.

Keep things simple and don't over-buy.  But you do need the basics, which are:  a crib w/ mattress, car seat, bottles and formula, a high chair, baby food and the recommended table foods for a baby that age.  

Make sure you have health insurance for the baby - go to your county health department and apply for Medicaid.  I don't know what state you are in, but Michigan supplies food & formula for foster children under 5, so please check into that.  Be sure and bring your guardianship paperwork.

Once you have the insurance thing figured out, the next step is a thorough exam by a pediatrician.  This is important because the mom might not have gotten medical treatment for her child due to her personal circumstances (no disrespect intended; just being practical).  This is very important and a good pediatrician can also help you with any questions that you have.

Good luck to you - and just be yourself and do the best you can for that little guy.  He needs you!

Answer 4

you sound a bit overwelmed try to relax i know u will do the right thing

Answer 5

You sound pretty young. You can't do the mother's routine because if you only saw the child a few hours a day then you won't know it. Deep breath. Having someone who depends on you the way a baby does can be overwhelming. But there is help. You can have mother day out for time for yourself. Your life will have to change some as children change everything. But you will still need to do somethings from you old life to keep your sanity. Take it one day at a time. Ask for help

Answer 6

you should do things as if he is yours already. do things your way. the mothers way lost her custody. clearly not a good thing. the resentment is a natural feeling. after all your life will be different from now until forever. even if the baby goes back to birth mom. let this child touch your life in every respect. embrace him and the experience . let god worry about the details.  he never does anything without a plan even when we don't know what it is.  i have a child  now that is about to turn 11. i was blessed with her when she was 5 . it was supposed to be for only 2 weeks. this has been the best 2 weeks of my life .  i now have full custody , and will have thru her 18 th birthday. i put her birthstone on my mothers ring. she is my daughter.

Answer 7

take a deep breath.

Its going to be okay. For whatever reasons this child has been placed into your care. I know you weren't ready yet, but please for the sake of the child honor the traumatic experience he is going through as well. It sounds like he has just lost a family, and that....is life-changing painful to a child, especially that small. Be there for him. Let him cry with you. Hold him, he is grieving too. Be the rock that he can depend on. He needs you right now. To be there for him. To be yourself. And to give him a safe place to grow until he can ( hopefully ) return to his other family and beyond.

Answer 8

I can understand your feelings..But thank God you were a good enough person to see this baby needed a good home at least temporarily.  It's an awful feeling to feel trapped in a situation that you want to take on, but feel not qualified or overwhelmed by.. I have 2 grandsons who have a great mom and dad..Both have to work to make ends meet.. Daycare was the choice although I tried Grandmom daycare with my 1st grandson who is now 3. He was just starting to walk.. I don't work and felt I never wanted him in daycare so I tried. I was 59 at that time.  My daughter in law had to drop him here everyday at 7:30am..I have two pony size blk labs and they love him but they would almost and did once or twice, knock him over.. I had no idea how long the day was and since I only have a sport car, could not even fit a car seat for him.. So, I was here everyday with him all day.. He napped for about 1/12 hours in afternoons, but then I was up and running after him again.. PacknPlay only works for a little while at that age..So, sorry to say, but I finally had to let him go to daycare after about 2 weeks of trying.. I felt so guilty and he started getting every bug that went around that place!  Then I would babysit a sick child instead of a well one. (her mom works so she is never available to watch him when he's sick)  Now the same thing is going on with our 2nd new one.. He's only 3 momths and mom has to go back to work after taking off the summer.. I am taking him 2 days a week to help and so far, it's fine.. He's so young and he sleeps alot.. Not much to do except give the bottle, change diapers and give lots of love and attention when he's awake, and I love it.. The dogs are great with him.  I wish I could do it everyday.  But again, I can't go anywhere because of my  sport car..I need a new car, but can't afford one. I also need to go out to doctor appointments etc.. So everyday would be a bit too much.  My mom is now 86 and she can't really help watch him so, it's me and daycare.. But, if it gets too much, then it'll have to be daycare and I'll hate to see that.  So, try to hang in there for that baby's sake and maybe look for a neighbor or a friend who can lend a helping hand to take some of the pressure off you. It just might turn out that you will settle in and be a great surreogate mom for a little boy who needs alot of love and a good home for the time being.. Hopefully whoever mom is, she will be back soon and able to take care of her precious little one.. I wish you the best of luck and God bless you all..