Justifiable cheating debate. what do you think?

Question

ok so me ans friend were discussing a book i am reading "Torn" and in the book the guy has His fiance who he is in love with and there is no doubt about it but she does not like to perform oral s*x, and he is also messing with another chic who is has no problem performing oral or anything else sexually and cant seem to leave her alone.

So me and my friend are in a debate because i believe that his cheating is justifiable because if your partner just refuses to perform certain acts in bed and you have tried discussing these issues numerous times with them and they refuse to put forth a effort to please you then they should not get upset if you decide to go else where to get your needs met. she feels if you love that person you should just deal with it and ignore what you like. but i don't think it doesn't mean you don't love them you just have needs and if your spouse cant compromise then you should be free to get your needs met. I Knew a girl who refused to give oral and did not mind that her husband went else where to get it. when i asked why it wouldn't bother her she said "i'm not doing it so hey"

What do you think is this justifiable or not?

Answer 1

I feel its cheating...period.  Even if the partner agrees with it (at the time), I guarantee it will lead to other things...then the next thing you know he has ran off with some other chick that doesn't mind doing "it" on a PERMANENT basis.

I will say, however, that I have been out at the bars with my girlfriends, and have allowed (well, maybe allowed is not the right word) my best friend who is married to kiss guys.  That's all she wants from them!!!  And I trust that she would not do anything else with them!  But her husband refuses to kiss her and she has talked to him so many times about it, but he just isn't the affectionate type (although they have a GREAT s*x life...still no kissing), and yet she NEEDS to be kissed.  I know I would go crazy if I couldn't have that either.  

So the debate continues...

Answer 2

If the two people agree to go outside their marriage and meet other people, that's between the two of them; it's called an open relationship, and there's nothing wrong with it if both partners consent. But if you feel you must do it in secret because it would hurt your partner if they found out, you need to be honest with yourself and admit that this isn't the right partner for you to begin with. If oral s*x is so important you are willing to compromise your integrity over it, you really need to find someone who likes to perform it. You can't justify lies and dishonesty in a relationship, ever.

Answer 3

No, sorry it's not justified.  If the two are not compatible in every way, they're not compatible and shouldn't be together.  If a bee-jay means more to man than fidelity does, then he should leave and find someone offering both love and bee-jays.

Answer 4

Cheating is never justifiable. Using your example, (s*x is a desire by the way, not a 'need'...nobody dies without it) and you have a mandatory criteria of oral s*x in a relationship, and your partner refuses, then you move on. It's just that simple. Unless your partner okays you to find another lover who will do that for you...but if that is the case, then cheating isn't occurring.

There is no justification for cheating, and trying to use the excuse of a s*x act or position is typical of someone with no (or low) loyalty, morals, integrity, or conscience.

Kinda sad that you'd be okay if your wife went and got <s*x act> done by someone else if it was something you didn't do or disliked so much she couldn't enjoy it.

Why not just have an open relationship or join the swinging lifestyle? Then no one is cheating and it's all good...MUCH preferable to being a lying, betrayer to the person you claim to love.

Are you trolling or really have such a distorted view of fidelity?

Answer 5

Not justifiable.  But, some people just need to break up and move on.

Answer 6

What if she wanted you to bang the neighbor's dog?  i mean, everyone has limits, and as a couple you need to accept and respect each other's limits. otherwise maybe you shouldnt be a couple.

there has to be something higher.  something worth more than s*x.  love means sacrificing for each other and coming to middle ground where you can.  i guess i know my wife would never tolerate such a thing, nor would i expect her to.  i should have enough pride, discipline and love in my heart to be better than that.

Answer 7

NOT justified.  If you don't find sexual satisfaction, then you end the relationship.  You do NOT f*ck around just to get a little head!

EDIT - I don't care - gender is irrelevant.  You DO NOT CHEAT.    s*x should not be the be-all-end-all of a relationship.  If you are otherwise compatible and love that person unconditionally, then the discussion or thought of "stepping out" should never occur.  End of story.

Answer 8

So if your wife wanted 10" and you didn't have it you would be ok with her going out and getting the 10" she needs.

Stop this bull.

Answer 9

It is so not acceptable! That philosophy can go into other parts of life too and get totally off track. So what if she does not like oral or anal or the works - it is not reason for adultery.

Answer 10

Cheating is NEVER justifiable.  

Answer 11

i think you are a pig first of all.  and lets say the tables were turned a little. say she could only "finish" if she had a finger in your butt. so by your rule if your not willing to do that she can go sleep with any man who will let her. that's stupid think before you speak. the world is not one sided any more and if your old lady stepped out on you it would be unforgivable. so no men this is not justifiable nor is realistic. And as far as woman who allow this thanks a lot for nothing. it because of people who think like this that it is getting harder and harder to raise children today with good morals and a strong sence of what is right and wrong!!

Answer 12

Nope, not justifiable.  If the man is getting intimate with his wife and having most of his sexual "needs" met and it's just this one act that he's missing out on, he's got a lot of nerve to claim his needs aren't being met and cheating is justifiable....because I can guarantee that there's probably one or two needs he's not meeting of his wife's and surely nobody would think that would justify her to go out and cheat.

What if you gave your wife oral, but it was LOUSY oral and her needs weren't being met, would you be OK with it if she went and found a man who was a lot better at it, would that be justifiable cheating.

Just 'cause it's oral doesn't mean it's really meeting a need, a person could be lousy at it.

Answer 13

It absolutely IS cheating & no you can't justify it.  I did NOT stand at the alter with my husband's p***s.  Me & the p***s are not the ones who exchanged vows.  I love my husband & would never hurt him because of something so selfish.  How could anybody be such a spoiled brat & so self serving?  Ugh.  That annoys me.

Answer 14

cheating is NEVER justifiable, no matter what the situation!

Answer 15

So your whole argument is based on any is justified if you have a plausible excuse.   Following that line of thinking, it would be all right to cheat if your SO had dark hair and you want a blond for variety.  What a wicked web we weave.

Answer 16

i don't think any reason at all is necessary...we all cheat as much as we can anyways