Keeping the father out?

Question

Okay, if you were younger (in the 16-20 age range) and got pregnant but were financially unstable and decided to give the baby up for adoption could you without the baby's father's permission? If you thought he wouldn't agree to it would you just not tell him about the whole situation?

Answer 1

In order to relinquish, you need the father to terminate his parental rights.  

Further, he should have the chance to parent, if that's what he wants to do.  It is his child, too.

Answer 2

The father has the right to know it is his child too, married or not. If you do this without his knowledge you take the risk of him finding out. Then if he objected there could be serious problems arise. He must be given the opportunity to have his say. You don't want the baby to be adopted and then have him say he wants the child. That could harm the child and the adoptive parents. If you are honest with him now and tell him it can be decided between the two of you what is best for the child.

Answer 3

i think that because it is as much of the fathers baby as it is yours   u should let him in on the info. but if the father is on the fence about it   if in fact you choose to tell him  you guys should get a third opinion    if u aren't ready for a baby then you should give it to a family member or give it up for adoption. but if u aren't ready for a baby then i don't understand why you had unprotected or risky protected s*x in the first place.

Answer 4

If he is the biological father, he has rights....  He could take you to court and get custody if he truly wanted.... The court system would rather the child be with their biological parents, than throw them out into the system. You need him to relinquish his rights as well......... I gave up my son for adoption, and it wasn't easy- and still isn't... Make sure you make the right choice!

Answer 5

it would be absolutely wrong.  If he wants to take custody of the child then i think you should allow him to do so.  You can still relinquish your rights to the child and not be responsible financially if that is your concern.   Also giving the child up for adoption without the father's consent would be illegal and grounds for an adoption to be illegal.  In that event if you lied and the father found out you would not only be causing heartache for the adoptive parents and the father but the child as well.  Sorry you will have to tell him and allow him to decide what actions he will take.

Answer 6

No absolutely not you would need him to sign his rights away as well. Otherwise if he ever found out he would have legal right to try and have that adoption overturned. Even if he found out about it years later. Would you really want to subject your child to living with loving parents for 2 or 4 years? Then to be taken away? It would be horrible to have a young child ripped away from the only parents he or she has ever known and placed with someone who may be a biological father but would be a stranger to the child nonetheless.  Not to mentioned the heartbreak that would come to the child’s adoptive parents. A lot of people could get hurt in this scenario mostly the child.

Unless you feel this man is unfit to raise a child then you need to let him parent if that is what he wants to do. You didn’t make this baby on your own. Now if he is unfit that is a different story you would have to proof this and then the courts could terminated his rights and then you wouldn’t need his approval to place the child for adoption.

Answer 7

The father absolutely has a right to know.  Please give him the chance raise his child if he wants to do that.  I wish you all the very best of luck.

Answer 8

You can try but if the father finds out there are legal problems that come from it.  Both parents have to sign off on adoption papers.  Woman have done it before by lying about not knowing who the father is but then the fathers sometimes find out and come forward and stop the adoption and the mothers face jail time for lying in court papers.  So it is illegal to do it but yes woman have done it.

Answer 9

I don't believe he has to be in the situation if you are going to give the baby up for adoption...if you are not married. If you are not married then you are the sole guardian of the baby and it is your decision. I would still tell the father tho,especially if he wants to be in the childs life.Its only fair if he wants a part,to let him know what you are doing.If he has no interest in the child then he has no reason to know about it. I admire the fact that the mother would chose adoption of abortion tho...that says a lot about someone.Just think before you do it....parenthood is rough and no one is really financially ready for a baby...I was 17 when I had my oldest daughter,20 when I had my second daughter and now 21 pregnant with my 3rd child and we are all living off hubby's paycheck which is not a lot...he works at a saw mill...he is not some CEO of some company and makes thousands of dollars every week so yes it is rough but people manage...there is also government help out there for parents who just can't seem to catch a decent break.

Good Luck

Answer 10

Ethically and morally, you must tell the father, no matter what the response is. if he wont agree to it and wants to keep the child, I say let him. There are so many kids out there that dont have fathers, mothers, etc. That if 1 parent wants to step up to the plate, them let him. The wisest thing would be to sit down with the fathe and talk to him about this, and come to a decision together based on what is best for the child.

Answer 11

Hi, The answer lies in the laws of your state. Most states have what is called a Punitive father registrey. That means if a man knows he has had unprotected s*x (duh!) with a woman (whether he knows she concieved or not) and in any way wants to be involved with the child or decisions made about it, he needs to add his name to this registery. If his name is not there his rights are automatically terminated. Usually after 30 days. There are also states, like GA., that require your agency to place an ad in the newspaper informing him that his child is born and if he doesn't come forward his rights will be terminated.

   Laws like this help woman carrying the child of, say, an abusive or drug addicted/jailed birthfather. If your baby's father is even halfway decent, please let him know about the child. Maybe you can work something out to keep the child. Thats best whenever possible. Money should not be a factor in choosing adoption either. You may be broke now but in 3 years get a better job. Please think hard about this.

Added later: Oh, I see now that you are in Michigan. Michigan does not have punitive father registery. They make it quite hard to leave the father out of the picture here. Expect an agency to really be on you about telling the truth. They will send him a letter in which he has 30 days to reply. If he chooses to sign or ignore it his rights will be terminated. If he decides to contest there will be a court hearing to decide the best interest of the child. If he has not givin you support durring your pregnancy (but has had the chance to....that is key) than the court still may terminate. Do you think he will get an attorney and fight it? That is good to know too. Good luck to you, I wish you well.

Answer 12

You could if you don't put his name on the birth certificate but if he finds out he could fight and get the baby back as he hasen't relingushed his rights. I would also advise against doing this as the child would then not have the medical records on there fathers side.

if your childs father is a decent man who would like to bring up his child, i think he should have the right.

It doesn't mean you have to be involved if you don't want to but if he does i don't think its fair not to give him the choice.

how do you think he would  feel if he found out in 3 5 or even 10 years time that he had a child that was adopted and he had no say in it! also if your child ever tried to find you  and found this out they may hate you.

I believe the father has as much choice in this decision as you, as you are already willing to carry the child so there is no argument of well its my body as the child will be born.

give him the chance see what he says.

Answer 13

Dear Lonely,

It sounds like you haven't quite clarified your need here: what you need is to not be financially burdened by a baby at this point in your very young life.

You don't have to be.  The father can't force you to raise the child if you don't feel capable of doing so.  He can choose to raise the child himself, or the child can be put up for adoption.

Perhaps you want to remain an anonymous mother.  What you fear is that, by naming the father you realize he will probably name you as the mother to the child when the child gets older.

I'm not sure about the legality of not naming the father, because not all women know who the father is--but I do know that most adopted children desire to know who their birth parents are and go to great lengths throughout their lives to find out.  And it seems that most mothers ultimately want to find their birth children in the end too.

I also know a story of a man who didn't know he had a child but was tracked down through DNA testing when the child was 18 years old, so maybe these days it's almost inevitable.

What I'm saying is this:  talk to a hospital social worker or local clergyman or woman about it first, but I think it's best for the child, for everyone involved, if you let the birth father know of the pregnancy and let him or his family have the chance to raise his child if they choose to--if not, the child can go up for adoption. But it's not fair to the child, either, to deny the child the chance to be raised by his other parent, just because you didn't want to tell him about the pregnancy (not unless you have legitimate reason to fear physical abuse--but speak to a social worker about this).  No one can force you to marry the father or to raise the child yourself.

Answer 14

My baby's bio-father didnt claim him. The agency sent him some papers to fill out but he didn't and in a certain time period voided his rights somhow.

Answer 15

A short story from a closed adoption back in the BSE (baby scoop era) The father knew, we agreed adoption was best. Because of our ages we lied about his name. When my daughter became of age she got our names and went searching for a man who didn't exist. Please think past your personal circumstances and give thought to what your childs is going to be faced with. I support fathers rights so I feel it is only fair to everyone that he be notified and see what his feelings are. I have 3 friends who for different reasons are single parents and they have done wonderful jobs of raising their children. I would also suggest talking to the fathers parents if they are an option. If your babies father does not agree with adoption then ask him if he is ready to parent on his own. This is a time for serious discussion, and realistic decisions.

Answer 16

No you cant. You have to tell the adoption agency the truth about who the father is. They have to legally let the father know what is going on.  If you lie about it and he finds out later what you did, it could a lot of problems with the adoption, plus it is legal papers, and you could go to jail for fraud.  It is in the best interest for everyone involved to be honest.

Answer 17

its not legal, you have to get his permission first i believe anyway