Kids. Which is better, nice or mean, ea...?

Question

Hard-a or sympathetic? We need to teach kids to "grow up".

Nice or mean? The world is not nice, so why give them the wrong impression?

"Snuggle" with them, or force them to be alone?

If they are scared/hurt, be there for them or tell them to grow up?

Neglect their feelings, or coddle them?

What tactics do you use?

Answer 1

My mom falls somewhere in the middle, as it should be. She makes sure that we know about the negatives in the world, but we also hear all about the positives.

Most importantly, as much as possible, the negativity is not directed at us. My mom would never tell us to "grow-up" if we are feeling scared or hurt, but instead will help us learn how to deal with it, because fear and pain are a part of life for many.

I wouldn't say that she coddles us, but she would never just leave us to deal with it with not help, or neglect our feelings.

Answer 2

Well.... my dear...

NEVER should you..."neglect" your kids in any form-or-fashion!!! Always treat them with : RESPECT !!! Show your : EMPATHY, compassion, understanding !!! AND: always have an "opened ear" for their "troubles/problems"....Sure, you should "snuggle & hug" them as often as they wish to be close to you !!!! Even when they're..."grown"...they can still "use" a hug & kiss now & then -or- do you think "grown-ups"  don't "need" any affection anymore???? h**l NO !!! We all search for a little understanding, love & care, don't we??? To..."neglect" anyone's feelings is : RUDE & HARSH - especially our children need all the LOVE & CARE you can give then..!!! The "world" out here is cruel & dredful enough, so let your home-environment be at least a little "refuge" to your children, where they experience a loving surrounding!!! And "one" last "thing".... Whenever your kids leave the house, make sure, you tell them : " I LOVE YOU, baby"... It could just as well be, that it was the "LAST TIME" you saw your child....Remember: "The next day is NOT guaranteed"!!!!

Wish you lots of happy & loving moments with your children...They are your most precious ...GOOD !!! Greetings from Germany...with lots of LOVE & CARE... Annette***

Answer 3

a delicate balance between them all.

Answer 4

Somewhere in the middle of all that.  

Children need to be made to be independent instead of dependent on parents for everything, but on the same hand, they need to know that we love them and will be there for them every second of their lives.

I'm a "tough love" kind of mom so I fall somewhere in the middle.

Answer 5

Honestly, while the hard tactics worked in the short-term with me (if you spanked me for something, I'd be more careful in general), I NEVER LEARNED ANYTHING from hard tactics except to be afraid of the people who used them. I'd been spanked a number of times, but I can't remember what a single spanking was for (except a particularly unjust one that was later apologised for.) I CAN remember what positive things were for. Honestly, ignoring a kid is a worse punishment than actively negative things. It's because you always pay attention to kids that they get spoiled and think they're the centre of the world.

Answer 6

I always let my kids know I will be there for them no matter what. Because I will and its important to let them know that in tough times they always have me to lean on. But I did do things like occasionaly let them cry themselves to sleep when I knew they were fine and felt loved. They need to learn how to comfert themselves on some level otherwise they will be co-dependant to feel happy. I let them know the world has cold and scary people so they can be aware and proect themselves but I teach them not to be that kind of person as its wrong to want to cause harm to others. Make this world the best place we can but beware of the people and situations that dont.

Answer 7

My mom has always been in the middle with me. And it works too. Like she's a horrible mom and isn't "mean" she hugs me, kisses me, tells me she loves me , (lol), when I used to have a bad dream she let me sleep in bed with her and my dad, if i had a really bad problem with a teacher or somethign she'd call the school, but at the same time she wasn't "nice" like I got grounded for the entire summer just for going to NY without her permission, lmfoa it wasn't THAT bad but now i'm stuck inside, and I wouldn't call a grounding for hte entire summer nice. But she's a good mom still and like I'm turning out good ahaha.

Answer 8

I am a nurturer and think if more parents nurtured their kids, the world would be a better place. I'm firm, but fair. I try to be kind and sympathetic as those are qualities I want for my children. I hug my kids and tell them they are loved EVERY day. I am there for them, but I am also teaching them the skills they need to care for themselves.