Kids being pressured to take care of parents wrong, am i right?

Question

To me it seems that most people expect the kids to take care of there parents (excpessally the parents) whe nthey get old.

Is it me that thinks that a parent who would give birth and does not have a plan or willl not take responsiblity for themselves when they are old should put it on there kids?

Say the reason they had kids was so they could take care of them is that selfish or what?

Than some will argue that they give there child life and support them, feed them and all the stuff and than need to be repayed and a least deserve them taking care of them. But it should be thought of a favor, something you do for not for your self interest but someone else's. If people think of favors as something you do for others than they owe you a favor than it is more of a contract.

Answer 1

they gave you life the least you can do for them is take care of them in their old age and love them.

Answer 2

i believe its an obligation not a favor too look after your parents,

how can u not?

how can you have on your conseince that ur parents last days are in a peoples home withering away all by themselves

Answer 3

To me, family takes care of family. Always try to care for others, it is human nature to me.

I think that our generation may be a little frightened of having to care for our elders, because we doubt social security, etc. I'm 25, my parents are in their fifties, they've had road blocks, same for my in-laws, could me and my husband care for both sets, and raise our future children. The anwser is yes, we'd get by. Nothing is more important than family.

Answer 4

If your parents raise you, take care of you, support you then you should feel it only right to make sure they are taken care of in their old age.  It shouldn't feel like an obligation but just feel right.  It is selfish to think that you parents should spend their lives raising you, caring for you and financially supporting you and you shouldn't do nothing for them in return.  They don't need to be repayed but you should want to repay them.  They don't raise you as a favor or looking for a favor and they don't expect you to care for them when they get older but if they raise you right to be a good person you would want to do for them.  Sounds to me like you weren't raised to be anything but selfish.

Answer 5

You sound so selfsih.. I hope not all children think like you...

Right now my in laws are healthy and independent.. but once they became sick n helpless we wl definetly take care of them..

when they gv you birth and take care of you.. make u adult.. atleast all we can do is take care of them during the old age

you wl understand when you become old n helpless

Answer 6

What's the matter, did daddy make you take out the trash?  Maybe make your bed?  

Believe it or not, the ability to respectfully follow your parents orders (now) will build you into a responsible adult later.  And when you see your parents health and mind start to dwindle, and they resemble less and less of the mom and dad that you know so well...you will do everything in your power to hold on to every last second with them until they are gone.

Answer 7

I think that if someone had a child to take care of them when they were old, then yes that is selfish.

If an adult demands that their child should care for them in their old age, then I think that is selfish.

A parent shouldn't have to demand that from their child if they were a good parent to begin with.

If they were good parents, their children would want to take care of them anyways.

And you should take care of your parents, if you really love them, there should be no question.

Simple as that.

:)

Answer 8

This is a more complex situation than it seems. There are several issues here.

Of course any child who has a reasonably healthy relationship with their parents wants to help their parents' as they age. Not everyone has healthy relationships with their parents though. Some parents should never have been parents because they are narcissistic, manipulative and selfish. I wonder if our questioner has these sorts of parents because most older folks don't want to be having the big discussion about how they're going to manage when they can't manage. Most are in denial about losing their abilities to function independently.

Then there's the word "help" in this situation. It's use is ambiguous. I can easily help my parents by making meals, doing chores and errands, helping them keep up their personal hygiene. That's all valid help that any of us would give. But there is the big issue of financial help once the parent "retires" or if they become seriously ill. This very issue came up in my family just recently. My parents, still healthy in their 70s, decided to cancel a long term care insurance policy they had just set up. The cost was high, $300 per month, which to them meant not only a loss of income, but a substantial loss of freedom. My sister, who has purchased said insurance for herself and husband (50s) nearly had a fit! Why? Because statistically, if one member of the family requires long term care, it is expensive enough to not only bankrupt the spouse but also cause financial stress to the children (who want their parents in a decent facility).  My sister, of course, is worrying about her own ability to retire and me, I'm still going to need to worry about putting my children through college. In 10 years, when this is likely to happen, I won't be able to swing $2000 a month (my half). So, the issue is, who needs to be responsible here? The cost to my parents right now is steep at $300/month but nothing compared to the alternative. Oh, and we have a brother who hasn't saved a dime in all of his years of working. Is it fair for his children to have to pay the price to care for him in his final years, likely suffering from lung cancer or emphysema because he's always had money for smokes?

Don't be so judgemental, people. There are a lot of stories people are living that you can't even imagine.

Answer 9

I don't know where you're getting this, but I don't think that most parents want their children burdened with them when they get old.  Most elderly people value their independence more than anything else.  There are some cases where it might be necessary for a child to help a parent who is sick and unable to care for themselves.  That's because nursing homes are so expensive they often end up costing people their life's savings and everything they worked for - including their homes and any other property that their children would stand to inherit.  And living on pensions and social security is going to become more and more of a challenge in years to come.  When you get older, maybe you'll understand why people need to help their parents.  And if you ever find yourself in this situation, hopefully your children won't mind taking care of you.

Answer 10

i agree 100% sike nah its selffish for you not to take care of them though

Answer 11

OK i did not read it all and I'm sorry but i must rebuttle

you can only plan so far. and times change. our parent did know what disease they would get or how long they would live. they only had their parents lives to go on.

be sides having is in not selfish and parents give up a lot when raising kids. the kids just have to take care of their parents for a sorter time then their parents took care of them.

besides its really cold hearted for kids to live their parent with stranger that can hurt them. love make everything a lot easier.

put yourself in their shoes.

I'm 18 and i know this much. what does that say about you

Answer 12

My parents have never told me that I HAD to take care of them when they get older. I just assumed I would, if I could. We've talked about it, and if I am able to take care of them, then I will. But if I don't have the money or space or time, then we would have to work something else out.

My inlaws try telling my sister-in-law that she HAS to take care of them, which only makes her want to put them in a home.

If you don't want to take care of your parents, then you don't have to, but the least you can do is to make sure that SOMEONE is taking care of them, and doing a good job of it too.

Answer 13

I would gladly take care of my Dad when he gets older. He gave up a LOT for me (single dad of 10 + years, now married). I really dread ever having to put him in a nursing home, i've seen how the ones in my area are run, and i would never wish that on anyone

Answer 14

I doubt there are people out there who had s*x just to have someone to take care of them.

Im 15 years old, I take care my my mom and dad when their sick. But not forcibley, with love.

Answer 15

I mean when you are giving in general, you should never expect anything back in return because giving is suppose to be an act of love and kindness straight from the heart with no impure intentions. So in that sense no parents should not "expect" their children to take care of them. However, many parents do spend most of their money and time taking care of their kids and its not always easy to plan for themselves in the future. If you love your parents and understand what they have done for you then their should be no problem when it comes down to you having to provide for them in their elder years (not YOU personally). I think in the Chinese culture it is expected that you take care of your parents because it is a sign of love and respect. American culture is not the same, but I think we should be more open to the idea because it is also not okay to just leave your parents helpless...

Answer 16

I think anyone who does not take care of family is extremely selfish!  Parents sacrifice for their kids their whole lives. Yes even when the kids move out parents are still there thinking, worrying, and caring about them.  Some parents even take in their grown kids when they cannot afford to live on their own or when they run into other problems.  Why wouldn't you want to give something back to them?  Why wouldn't you want to take care of them when they are old?  I think it is selfish to think of it as a contract.  It is just LOVE pure and simple.

Answer 17

Well in most cases kids take care of the parents because they want to. It seems kinda mean to tell them its there job but all in all most cases its not a problem to take care of familt.

Answer 18

People should have kids because they genuinely wish to raise them, share their experiences, and 'enrich' their lives by having children. They should not have a child as a means to have a care taker later in life. It's selfish.

This child that is being brought into the world had no say in what family they would be brought into. They could not be asked beforehand if they would like to be taking care of their elderly parents in their middle age.

Today's society is an expensive one to live in. Adults need to make the appropriate preparations to take care of themselves later, financially, medically, and should not solely rely on their children.

Their kids by this point in time are probably paying off a mortgage, preparing for their own old age, and paying tuition bills for their own kids.

I love my parents, but I really hope they are preparing financially because I don't think they should expect that when they get old and need someone to take care of them, that they can just move in with me when they feel like it.

First of all, by then I think I would prefer my own space

Second, I likely won't have enough room anyways

Third, I love them, but even if they are elderly, that doesn't mean they still aren't my parents and still won't avoid trying to take control

Fourth, in all seriousness, if they were very elderly/ill, I would prefer them living somewhere where they had trained professionals.