Kids can be cruel - how did you deal ? ?

Question

My son is 4. He is a very sweet, loving child. He is very active, and is 'all boy' as they say. He is in no way shy - will say hello to anyone, and makes friends pretty easily. However, I'm noticing lately, especially with some older kids in the neighborhood (we have a very busy cul-de-sac full of boys playing most days), that my son can be easily picked on, which I had feared would happen. He is so innocent and naive - it doesn't seem to faze him. He thinks everyone is a friend. When he sees a group of kids at school he says "look at all the friends". It's so sweet, and I hate that he will eventually learn how cruel kids can be. He is in Preschool and enjoying it, and there seems to be no problems there. I'm just worrying already as he gets older. He does have a slight speech delayment, which I wonder if that has annoyed some kids, who may not always understand him. Has anyone dealt with this kind of stuff with their kids? What really irritates me is that sometimes these kids can be mean in front of their parents and the parents don't say anything. Only one mom across the street has told her son that he plays with everyone, or no-one, and to be nice. He is 7 and he is the sweetest boy, and ALL the kids love him. Why do parents seem to overlook bullying in their own kids? Any advice or stories would be interesting to hear. Thanks

Answer 1

I have the same situation. My son is seven now and our neighbors' kids are so mean. All you can do is try to explain to your son that not everyone is nice like him. That not everyone will be your friend. I don't know how to make it easier because my son still comes in crying after playing outside because the other kids are so mean. I know how bad it sucks to see your child hurt but you can't change other peoples kids. You can only let your child know how special and great he is.

Answer 2

At four it is best that he play primarily with children his age.  However, if the cul-de-sac is full of kids in varying ages he is going to be exposed to older kids as well.  If you are really concerned then you may have to invite play dates over that are specific to his age and make sure that you always supervise him playing outside in the cul-de-sac.  My littlest girl has spent most of her babyhood and pre-school years mixed with older children and they do tend to pick and tease and it is a challenge to keep her from becoming acting tough and being hurt by their words.  I have found when I make my presence known the other children are kinder and tend to watch what they say.    

Answer 3

First you have to teach your child not everyone is nice. Get videos & start watching them with him. Don;t let him learn the hard way. Get him prepared for the meanness out there. You can't be with him all the time. Parents who have mean rude kids just don't want to deal with them and there mad. Its not there fault they are that way they don;t know any other way. Teach your child and he will be ok.  

Answer 4

Since he is only 4, and very vulnerable to bullies, I wouldn't let him play with the older kids on the block. Instead, I'd invite a little boy from his preschool class to come play, so that they both have things in common, and don't notice each other's differences- to them, everyone is a "new friend," and the world is happy and nice. =)

He will have more fun, you will not be as worried, and his sweet, innocent personality will be kept for as long as possible.

Older kids always stick together. To a 6 or 7 year old, a 4 year old is a "baby," and not someone they want to play with. Usually,  little kids always want to play with the bigger ones, and the big ones want nothing to do with it! They will always pick on a child that is smaller, simply because they feel more powerful in the situation. I don't know why those parents do not deal with their children being mean or hateful. They are setting their kids up for failure, basically.. because it will be worse -for the parents too- when their kids are in trouble at school for bullying (and harder to fix, too!)!

I wouldn't worry about your son. As long as he stays cute and sweet, he will have lots of friends (and no bullies!) at school. Especially now that he's so little. Little kids like playing together, and don't even fully understand the concept of bullying. They play with everyone and anyone=)

Besides, speech delays are very common, and most 4 year olds have some sort of speech "problem." They all eventually grow out of it, or get to take speech classes in school, which will help! My sister had a speech delay, and had to see a speech therapist in her public school. No one made fun of her, because lots of kids took the classes, and she is almost fully over it! I couldn't say my "r's" until I was almost 6, but outgrew it=) So, no worries for your little boy! Enjoy him while he is cute and 4=) You will miss it once he hits 11 or 12!

Answer 5

I hate when kids bully. I was always afraid that one of my kids would get bullied. My youngest daughter when she was in fourth grade (she's 17 now) was bullied by a girl that was her friend at one time. Her friend  was mad because she tried to get my daughter to stop being friends with another girl and when my daughter refused she turned on her. Most of the kids at school had a problem with her. She was a little thing but for some reason the kids at school were afraid to stand up to her. Her mother would always think her daughter wasn't the problem.

Your son is only four his speech will get better. It's good that he is enjoying school (I had to send my oldest one (25 now) kicking and screaming). Most parents worry about their child fitting in. I hope he continues to enjoy school.

Answer 6

I was made of when in high school. Hopefully, with speech therapy and growing older he can overcome his speech problem. He will just have to learn that some kids will laugh and make fun of you. He will some day have to take up for himself. Don't over protect him and make him afraid of defending for himself.

Answer 7

Unfortunately not all parents are interested in the way their children behave. I know first hand how cruel kids can be as my nephew has autism and I help his mum out when she needs someone to get him from school etc. You need to talk to your son and try to make him understand that not everyone is nice. It is hard for a 4yr old to understand this but as long as you do everything you can to make your son feel loved and make sure he doesn't turn out to be one of those mean kids that is really all that matters. We cant change the way people parent their kids. Even though I wished we could. Go luck

Answer 8

I think you have some parents who have an attitude like their child is not doing any harm if the other child is not upset by their child's behavior. Than there are parents out there that chose to turn the other way because its easier than actually parenting. I've been a nanny for over 15 years, and I've worked for parents who have both these kinds of attitudes. My advice to you is to talk to your son, and let him know that no one has the right to make him feel bad. That he should stand up for himself.