Kids of divorce, 2 different sleep schedules, not good...right?

Question

I have primary physical custody of my son, who just started 1st Grade. My Ex has scheduled visitation every other weekend AND Monday's (ending on Tue. a.m.) & up until this past summer, we had used the same daycare for p/u and drop offs, which worked fine all the way up till my son started kindergarten. No more naps K. My Ex's work schedule is very sporatic & we've had several agruments last school yr. about his keeping our son up too late, his dropping our son off @ daycare @ 6 a.m., my son coming home from school after being with Dad so wiped out that he falls asleep while sitting in a chair @ 4 p.m. & way earlier than normal bedtime, his inattention and behavioral problems @ school & @ home (in which the Ex is h**l bent on having my son diagnosed with ADD). I argue that our son needs more routine & structure, that waking him @ 5-5:30 a.m. on his Mon. & Tue. a.m.'s ontop of getting my son to bed @ various & later hrs. than he is used to while here w/ me (in bed by 8-8:30 p.m., up @ 7 a.m., to the bus stop at 8 a.m. every Wed., Thur and Fri) is detrimental to our son. Now that the ex this past summer refused to pay for daycare becuz his new wife can watch our son while the ex has to work, he's irrate with me that I am strongly opposed to his wanting (demanding?) to bring our son back to my house at 6:15 in the a.m. on a school day for me to take our child to his bus stop becuz the ex needs to get to work early, furthermore the ex admits he is incapable of taking our son to either his school nor bus stop on time. What do you think?

Answer 1

I would keep a written record, make notes of what teachers are saying and go back to court.  Tell the judge your dilemma with your x keeping your son up late and awaking him early on the weekdays he is with him.  You are correct in that the child MUST have a routine schedule, this is what school is all about.  There is no way that your son is going to do well if he is exhausted on Mon & Tue.

Personally I feel that when children begin school it is time for the child to be at one place, and visit the other parent every other.  So call your attorney, and tell him that something has to be done about this, because the school wants to say he is ADD, when in fact, it may just be that he is sleepy, but that there is no way to know for sure unless the child gets stabilized in a routine.

Answer 2

Could consider doing court ordered mediation service through the courts to settle the parenting plan issues between you two..work with a mediator

Answer 3

Your question does get a little convoluted toward the end, but I get the gist of it.  The mediator is a good suggestion, but don't go that route if you can work it out amongst yourselves first.  

I agree with you concerning the regular schedules and am glad someone has come up with this question (it actually fits into a myriad of other behavioral manifestations resulting in children of divorce, but that's another question and time altogther).  You need to ensure that your son maintains the routine schedule you have set and make sure the ex is aware of the importance and the consequences of not doing so.  If necessary, limit the visits with the father from late Friday afternoon to late Sunday afternoon.  No more Monday's!

And your right....ADD is often incorrectly diagnosed due to this type of scenario (which is growing proportionately in the U.S.) due to the failure of our society to reconcile, unwillingness to eat a little crow once in awhile, and because of the hardness of our hearts.        

Answer 4

Explain the problem to the school teachers. Chances are they've already picked up on this issue. Ask them to address the issue with your ex. Good luck.