Kids. "You'll change your mind one day." How do I avoid this?

Question

I'm a happy person who is very proud to be childfree! I've known for most of my life that I never wish to have children, despite what anyone else thinks. I have my reasons for not wanting children and I think you will all agree that I should not be made to feel I must explain myself. (^_^)

The thing is, I'm a very sensitive person and I absolutely cannot stand it whenever I tell someone I don't want kids, they just laugh and tell me I'll change my mind someday. It hurts and angers me so much because I feel like everyone (even strangers) think they know me better than myself. My only wish is to be left alone to live my life the way I want to. Whenever somebody brings up a baby/child subject when speaking to me, I become frightened and feel very uncomfortable because I know where it's going to lead. I know for a fact that there is no shame in being childfree, in fact, I'm extremely proud to be childfree and do not wish to change. I think being childfree is a very brave, responsible and sensible thing to do, but that's only my opinion.

However, I've learned from experience that there's no point in telling anyone I don't want kids because they never believe me, no matter what I say. All they ever do is laugh and tell me I'll change my mind or, on one occasion, asked me if I was a L*****n. :o( Therefore, I have made the decision that it's best to avoid those kinds of discussion or situations.

Here is my question to you all. If I'm ever talking to a person or a group of people (thankfully, a group discussion is rare) and someone (certainly never me) brings up the subject of kids, if someone asks me if I have or want kids, what do I do? What I mean is, I do not wish to get into the subject because it really hurts and angers me when people just laugh and tell me I'll change my mind, that I'm werid, etc. If I'm asked, how do I respond? What should I say? I just want to avoid those kinds of discussions.

Also, if I do say I don't have or want kids, how do I respond if they either laugh or say I'll change my mind? Isn't there ANY answer I can give to those kind of people that they will understand and believe?

Thank you for any help you can offer me. I'm very grateful. (^_^)/""

Answer 1

Why not tell them you can,t have children no arguments then .

Answer 2

That is a tough thing to go through i know how

it feels to be told that things and to be tough

and dont listen to what they have to say :]]

but just dont ignore tell the people that have

been telling u those things just to not

bring it up and u never will want kids :pp

and live life the way u want it to be. :]]

i'll keep u in my prayers :]]

Answer 3

You could just lie and tell them you might want kids some day (but don't lie about it to someone that you are considering marrying). Besides, they are right. Most people do change their mind (I've seen it a lot with people that were voluntarily sterilized--deep regrets, followed by more surgery or adoption if they can afford it). But some don't, and you may be one of them.

Answer 4

There is no need to explain yourself. I don't blame you one bit for not wanting kids.

Answer 5

I have the same problem.  It usually comes up with family for me.

People with kids just can't understand why anyone "wouldn't" want kids of their own.  

One tactic I've used when confronted with uncomfortable child questions is to turn it around on them.  I ask, "Why did you want to have kids?"  When, or if, they answer I just say, "I don't feel that way."

If you're still young, you can usually get away with telling people you want to concentrate on building your career.

The main thing is, you shouldn't feel bad about your decision.

Answer 6

I can completely see your point.

That happens to me with a lot of other questions, like who I might vote for when I come to age etc - especially as I'm 15 and living with my parents who are the wooorrrsssst culprits!

For example, the voting one. The whole global warming thing is really affecting our generation. Along with a lot of other environmental issues. So if I say I'm going to vote for the Green Part and not the Labour or Lib Dems, my Mum just goes on about how it doesn't count as a vote if it's obvious they're not going to win, so you don't care about your government and so you don't care about your country. And then she says things like "You'll change your mind" or "When you know more about politics..." and I don't mean to be extremely immodest but I'm not that stupid and I do know a fair bit about politics.

Grrrrr.

Anyway, the other thing is not wanting kids.

And I, being young, and a kid myself, appreciate all the good and down sides of kids. So I know what you're thinking and I think you should never be pressured into that kind of situation. Don't worry, I'm completely with you.

Answer 7

Why do you feel you "HAVE" to respond? tell them I don't want kids if they ask why say it's personal choice and really none of your business but thanks for asking smile and change the subject......come on now why do people act like they are obligated to explain themselves.....with that said trust me you will leave them speechless and subject closed and case closed....so don't feel like it is your responsibility to explain yourself....it's your life and I would like to say your personal life which is really no ones business....so next time the subject comes up say that and if they ask again say it's personal choice....and change the subject come on now don't let people bully you into explanation.....I hate nosy people....if we all kept our nose on our own face the world would be a better place.....I support your decision 100% and hey if you really want to explain it just make copies of this question and hand it to them and smile and walk away.....good luck and God bless you

Answer 8

kids have mine i have 11 and no life

Answer 9

Sounds like your loney and chances are you'll blow the brains out of the back of your head someday. People aren't asking you on your opinion on having children, they want to know if you know how unattractive you are and no one will want to have kids with you.  Seriously have you ever thought, why do people ask me so frequently if I'm going to have kids?  And by the way, thank you for protecting the gene pool and not having any children.

Answer 10

perhaps you can engage a therapist who can help you address self-esteem and other issues that might make you so sensitive to stranger's opinions about intimate details of your life.

that's the healthy solution.

the not-so-healthy but maybe more fun solution if you can pull it off is this:

when you encounter a busybody, tell them that much as you would love to have kids, you had an accident/medical health issue before you were even a teenager that left you unable to have children.

Specifically mention that when you tell the story to people like your listener, they almost always break down in tears.

Then laugh later when recalling how you manipulated their base emotions into a tearful apology.

Answer 11

Good for you, i said the same thing. but i had kids but that is okay for me. i certainly don't want anymore. but don't worry about what other people say if they say sh#t to you or laugh. be as serious as possible look them dead in eye and say "why are you laughing do you all ways laugh when people give there opinion"! then make them feel uncomfortable before they can say anything to you be like " well answer me, what's the deal"! "don't make me feel like sh#t just because you don't agree"! if they get all touchy just throw in "well don't make me feel guilty for what i believe in"!

that should make them leave you alone! that's what i would do i probably be a little meaner about it, but that's me.

Answer 12

I agree with your choice.  I also choose to be childfree.  People often find it confusing that I would make such a choice because I love children and babysit at every opportunity.  When I encounter someone who disrespects my choices, I simply tell them that I have made my choice and their opinion on the subject is irrelevant and unwanted.  It may seem a little harsh or rude, but they are being very rude by not respecting your decision.

Answer 13

Ugh, that sounds really frustrating. =/

I guess what I would do is, when the topic comes up, just don't say anything unless someone asks you about it. And when you do say that you don't want children, if they ask you those questions or laugh, I would just say that they're being incredibly ignorant and should mind their own business. Or something like that I guess.

By the way, I totally agree! I don't want children at all.