Kids won't stop wrecking the house. Help!?

Question

Ok I have a 5, 4 and 1 year old. They are very distructive little individuals. Today while I was making an important phone call my daughter wrote on the walls with a permanent marker. The also got a box of cereal out and made a mess with it. They never put anything away. If I ask they say I can't. I know I am letting them walk over me. My son has a disability that affects his movement. He can walk and function normally but it is slightly harder for him. Still I think it is right for me to expect the two older ones to help a little. What can I do to train them to respect me and help a little? I'm thinking of not allowing them to roam all rooms of the house.

Answer 1

Maybe you can get one room designated the kids area, and put a gate on it, and only have things in there that they can't make a mess with. A cell phone is really handy if you can afford one, that way you can kind of stand guard and talk, but it can still be hard to talk with them around.

You could also try to get them out of the house as much as you can. A park, a fast food play area might work. If you have a cell phone you can let them play and maybe get a call through. Sometimes easier said than done. With summer coming enroll them in as many free vacation Bible schools as possible, at least the two older ones. You'll get some free time from them and they'll learn good stuff.

If you belong to a health club like the ymca you get two free hours of childcare a day if you stay on site. You could take a cell phone to the Y and your bills and do paperwork and calls while they are watched. You could even exercise yourself.

If you have a mom or some relatives who could help you occasionally that would be great, but not everyone has that.

I agree with the suggestion to keep glue, scissors, markers, crayons, pencils, etc as far away from kids as possible. When they are young they can really get out of hand with those. Also bright colored candy, popsicles, pop, etc can make a big mess, I'd minimize the amount of those I get.

I hope things get easier for you.

Answer 2

First of all, I think they know they are walking all over you.  It is a kid's job to test your limits, and once they find they can get away with something, they will keep pushing the envelope.  It's fun, and it's what kids do.  You need to establish that there are limits and rules and consequences.  Kids will rebel at first if you all of a sudden enforce rules, but they will adjust; kids really thrive in more structured environments with positive discipline, love and attention (at the right time of course.)  You said you "ask" them to put things away.  If they don't do it, the FIRST time you ask, then you "tell" them to do it and give them a consequence when they don't.  The next time, don't even give them a chance to say no.  This will go for anything, boxes of cereal, markers etc.  I don't think you should ban markers, but then again, a one year old will do what a one year old does if he/she were given a marker.  As far as your son, he should have the same rules as the other kids, and you should encourage him to do as much for himself as possible; your other kids need to learn about helping and being empathetic, but remember, they are still little, and you can't expect them to "take care" of their sibling..you certainly don't want them to resent you for putting them in charge...encourage empathy and caring; that should teach them to help just because it's the right thing to do.  I used to have people come over to my house who were so amazed that I left decorative items in low-reaching places; they would ask me if they could move them because their kids were going to destroy them.  My kid saw these things from day one, and was told they were not toys, and never touched anything again. (tried to test us on it, but we stopped it)  Because there was clear communication, my kid never destroyed anything.  You are definitely outnumbered, so you have to use some different tactics.  everyone here will give you some great advice; remember at the end; your kids are individuals and what works for one, doesn't necessarily work for the other.   You can also surprise your kids by hanging up your phone call (if possible) to address them instead of trying to stay on the phone and deal with them at the same time. Good luck!

Answer 3

In my house from day one, anything we broke we got two choices: we got to fix it ourselves or do extra chores to earn the money to get someone else to fix it. Your disabled son will thank you for treating him exactly like everyone else. The best thing you can do for your son is prepare him for real life where he will have to deal with his problems and the world will not give him special treatment. sorry if i sound harsh but you need to buck up.

Answer 4

I have the same problems with my nephews 3 of them 6 ,  4 , 2  i beat them

Answer 5

jim w either doesn't have young children or he's never had busy ones.  i have 4.  2 older and 2 tyounger.  when my older 2 were little we never baby proofed- we didn't have to.  they didn't get into enough.  my younger two- it's constant and it doesn't matter if i play all day with them.  if i even wash one dish, i promise you they are splashing in the toilet or drawing on the walls.  it's not that our home is out of control either.  they are only 12 months apart and are both busy- this doubles the trouble.  we do time-outs and are consistent with discapline, but it just takes time.  kepp having them help you clean up.  make a "safe environment" in their room, so they can play in there while you hurry up and do a chore that might take a few minutes and give them enough time to get into something. my babies don't have a playpen or circular gate, they know if mommy has to shower or something, they play in their room- it's the only way a two and 3 year old can play safe for a 15 minute period.  i used to judge people who used "leashes" for babies or who's kids yelled at strangers, but through my own and through freinds' kids, I learned that every child is different and has their own little soul and some are quiet, some are not, some are excitable, some are mellow, some are rebellious and some follow the rules.  you just do your best and know they'll grow up fine

edit- maybe i was harsh on jim because he just wrongfully dogged me on another question- so i apologize- i am not a spiteful person.  i do agree with most of what he said, but i fully understand what you are going through.  while i don't know you, and maybe it;s true that your lack of consistency is letting the kids rule the house, i know from experience, that that's not always the case.  sometimes kids are just busy and take more time to teach, but they will learn.

Answer 6

SPANKING....... HELLO!!!!!

Answer 7

You need to get off the phone and spend enough time with the children that they're busy with something to do while you're on the phone.

4- and 5-year-olds have very short attention spans, and if you leave them alone for more than 15 to 20 minutes, you can expect them to get into trouble.  If you have to leave them alone more than that for your phone call, ask a neighbor to supervise them for awhile or finish up your call quicker.

Should 4- and 5-year-olds help cleanup?  By all means, but they're too young to do it themselves.  You should be satisfied with a token effort at clean up.  Give them a sponge and have them clean the wall next to the mess, which you'll have to clean up unfortunately.  At least they'll get used to helping you, even if they aren't really all that helpful.

Answer 8

Permanent markers are a no-no in my house, I keep them in a tool box with a lock. As well as any kind of glue and scissors.

As for the rest, what you described is common.Mom on the phone means no rules enforced...until Mom is off the phone.

If I may be so bold, your son with disabilities can pick up his toys. It may take longer but I am sure he can.

Children will respect you if you don't let them get away with things. Make them sit next to the mess until it is put away.The key is to remain cheerful. If they wine and fuss because they want to go play, say something like "oh, I am sorry your not able to play. Maybe if you (clean up) you can go play." Make it their choice to clean up and play or not clean up and sit being bored.

Once they learn you mean what you say, cleaning up will go much faster and with less fussing.

I would also keep in mind that respecting you doesn't always mean children will behave well. They are learning, growing and need to challenge the limits to know their boundaries until they are living on their own.

Answer 9

You let them walk all over you...YOU have allowed them to disrespect you.  Where is the discipline in your home?  Why do the older two children have to help YOU raise YOUR other child?  If you need help with the one child then you need to seek the help of adults, your other two children are not responsible for parenting this other child...YOU are.

Answer 10

Discipline is important. Set rules and let them know that there will be consequences for breaking them. Always follow through with the consequences (i.e. time out - 1 minute for each year of age). Make sure they know that you are the boss.