Kind people please help....I'm getting over a friend's death?

Question

I use to be extremely close to this boy named Raven. He was a compulsive liar, and it began to affect me. So we had a falling out, and although he tried to get back in touch with me, I kept myself away from him. Months later he died in a car accident. I was still angry at him, and although it sounds terrible, I didn't start to care about his death till about two years later. Then I began crying over him, and realized how much I loved him, and how much I really cared. It kills me to know he died hating me, and knowing I hated him at that time. I still love him, but have tried to move on. I'll have dreams about him still, we'll be together and be happy, but in real life I've come to the realization that he's gone, and I have to move on with my life. I am doing okay now, dealing with his memory. However, I've been contemplating whether or not I should go up to our old school and get a year book from our school year together. I don't have any pictures of him, and would really wish to see his face again. I'm not sure if this would be good for me, or bad for me. If it would just open up old wounds, make it harder for me to move on, and undo all the moving on I've already accomplished, or help me to cherish his memory. What do you think? Should I get a picture of him, or not? Would it only make things harder for me?

Answer 1

The fact you broke off your relationship with him denotes the fact you had major differences between you two..The fact, you didn't respond when he tried to mend and revisit your relationship,,also reinforces the fact,,that relationship had large negatives which YOU could not get past..The fact that he moved on showed he had adjusted to that and was doing new things.. When he died,,YOU weren't affected until two years later.. All of these things show you really didn't want a relationship with him again,,and whatever your differences where,,they STILL were unresolvable..What you are doing now is substituting him for a void in your life.. Either social, mental, or even creating a guilt complex within yourself ..This is nothing more than a 'Filler' in your mind until you replace him with a new positive in your life..As long as you dwell in the past,,you can not move into the future.. Actually,,he is just a memory,,which your trying to grab a hold to because there is really nothing you have MORE positive in your life right now..Forget about him,,and advance yourself into your future..Once you do,,You'll forget this longing memory ,for it is not something that can go anywhere.. Begin with things you enjoy ,,and progress with your life and carry on..You'll be better immediately !! Good Luck!!  SOLOMON

Answer 2

I think you should definitely get a yearbook. Pictures and memories of people we once loved are very precious.

It doesn't sound terrible at all that it took you two years to work through the complicated feelings you had about his death. Different people react differently when someone dies... sometimes even getting angry at the person for dying!  I'm glad you were able to move past the bad things about him and think of the good things about him. It must have been hard on you when he died with your problems unresolved.

Wherever he is now, I feel sure he doesn't hate you anymore.

When I was in high school, a boy I was in love with killed himself. I had never told him I was in love with him. I had dreams about him for YEARS - in fact sometimes I still dream about him! Meanwhile, I moved on with my life, got married, and had a happy life. I wish very much that I had a picture of him now. The memory is sad, but it's not the sort of sadness that hurts anymore. As long as you are living your own life to the fullest, thinking about Raven will not harm you.

Answer 3

You should go get a pciture. Have you spoken to the family? Maybe he didn't hate you as much as you think--he did try to get contact again. So you didn't go to the funeral? Why don't you go and say good-bye, set things right.