Kinda long.. but please help?

Question

my husband and i have been married for 8 months now and we have a 4 month old son. he works 4-5 days a week, i stay home. this week, he took off 5 days in a row.. tonight for his bro's rehearsal dinner, that i can't go to because we dont have a babysitter.. one for his brothers wedding thats downtown, saturday for a fantasy football draft and to get"blacked out" all night and not come home, sunday to be hungover and still in the city and monday to recoop...

we cant find a babysitter over night on friday. hes staying in a hotel and getting wasted, and either i can't go to the wedding at all, or i have to go and find a taxi back thats going to cost at least $200 cuz were 50 miles away from the wedding.

then saturday.. i understand the football thing is so important to him, but why does he have to get wasted all night then? and his friends gf is picking them up and theyre all going out to bars, guys AND girls...

but we dont have a babysitter, so, again, i'll be home alone. why wouldnt he just come home with me? or arrange a babysitter so i can go?... do i have a right to be upset?

Answer 1

He probably didnt just recently become someone who is into football and getting wasted with his friends. You knew this about him didn't you?  The problem here is that you are a grown up now and you're being responsible.  He is being disrespectful to you by continuing with this behavior.  You should tell him how it makes you feel.  He should be able to go out sometimes and so should you - you should not feel like you are the one always stuck at home when there is no babysitter.  Good luck.

Answer 2

You have a right to be upset.  Your feelings are your feelings. It sounds like it's a special occasion and not something that happens all the time.  It would be nice if your husband wasn't PLANNING on getting stinking drunk!!! That's just men being really immature.  I think that next time something like this comes up you should work really hard of finding a babysitter and being included in the fun. And if you can't find a babysitter, then your husband should agree to forgo getting stinking drunk.  That's a compromise.  Don't worry though, things will get better as time goes on. Your husband will mature and eventually get enough of partying.  You'll link up with more babysitting options as your baby gets older.  Also, as your children get older, you'll get more freedom for yourself.   My husband used to act like this too.  He grew out of it.  I think men are still pretty childish and "frat-like," in their twenties.  They are slow to mature.  Just try to rent some really great movies, and maybe make some plans with your family or nearby friends to take your mind off of things.  Make your husband SWEAR on his life that he won't do ANYTHING he wouldn't want to tell you about!!!!

Answer 3

You do have a right to be upset, but let's get this straight.  Your baby is 4 months old and you've been married for 8 months.  That would mean that your baby was conceived five months before you got married.  Do you obviously did not plan marriage and and baby in the same time.  

When accidents happen, people get married quickly and make rash decisions.  Again, your husband should not be doing these things and should be thinking about his family, but you probably should have talked to him about what you two were going to do when the baby was born BEFORE you got married.  

I'm sorry to tell you this, but you're simply goign to have to sit him down, tell him your feelings, and ask him to try and understand how you feel.  Why don't you get a hotel room with him and while he's hanging out and "getting wasted" and doing fantasy football, go out into the city and have fun!  Take your little baby in the stroller, wak around Manhattan, visit some museums, have yourself a good meal and get some shopping done!  If he is willing to spend the money to do a big football weekend, then why don't you invite a friend to do the same with you?  

I, too, understand the importance of fantasy football.  I'm married to a man that arranges his schedule around it during football season.  But he never inconveniences me to do it and we have a mutual understanding.  Try and make this work so that you can have fun with him instead of being bitter that he's being the man you knew he was before you got married in a rush.

Answer 4

it certainly is not fair to you that you are staying home with the baby because you have sitter issues.   why don't the two of you sit down and try to make arrangements for a sitter?   have his check with his family or a co-worker so you can partake in some of the fun.  

you can't sit home all weekend and be the responsible parent.  he at least should come home so you are not alone all weekend.  

you need  to  have a "come to Jesus" with daddy drink a lot.

Answer 5

h**l Ya!!! he just wants to go s***w around, dont trust  him honey,,,find your own sitter at the last minute, and surprise him, saying your going to be able to be there after all...see how he reacts.

Answer 6

Yes you do have a right to be upset.  In the event one spouse can go and there other can't, there needs to be compromise between them.  He could still go and take you with him, from home.  He could cut out the other unnecessary stuff.  He is not being fair.  I wouldn't go for the hotel night either because it sounds like trouble, as does the friend's girlfriend picking them all up.  Sounds like a sexual free for all.  I'm not kidding either.  You better have a talk with him and change plans.  Personally, I would go with him and take the kids.  It shouldn't be so rowdy that you can't take children.  Beware of any bachelor's party too.  You'll be sorry if he goes.  

Answer 7

If  you can't go out to bars b/c you can't get a babysitter  if he was a good husband he stay home with you.....If it were an all guys thing I would understand, but its not!!!!!!! Sounds like you guys were not ready for kids! You have every right to be upset......

Answer 8

h**l yeah babe you have the right to have the s h its ... i would ...when Nick and i first got married i set some seruios ground rules , at first i would pick his stinkin dirty clothes up off the floor , wash , iron and put em back for him to wear... cook EVERY night , etc etc ...he did nothing domestically at all ... then one day i went s***w it ...left the pile of clothes ( mind you not even in the dirty clothes basket but right next to it!!) and he got up mon to go to work with no clean clothes and he was like 'wheres my clothes ' i said right where you left em LOL... i suppose the moral of the story is set the ground rules ..when he comes home with a hangover DONT let him sleep in , when dylan is up put him on him and tell him to be responsible then go out ...you have the right to .!! go shopping, get your hair done etc ... were a little older than you ( UGH  :(  ) so the going out thing is a treat i LET nick have every once in a while but 5 days of boozin in a row is a bit much .... i wish i was closer , id watch Dylan so you could go out ....... hopefully he will now have it out of his system and be there for you ...vent to him tho , tell him how your feeling ... your life has changed now the baby is here , you have given up heaps of things but so should he ...just cause he didnt give birth doesnt mean hes viod of it all...

Take care , talk tho ,

Answer 9

Yes, he should WANT to be with you.

Why is it up to him to arrange a babysitter? If you want to stay, and he hasn't arranged one, why don't you?

I never understand "getting wasted" - the next day makes it not worthwhile to me.

Your ID perhaps says a bit. You don't call yourself "......'s lover", you call yourself  " Dylans mommy". Which one does your hubby see as being your priority? That may explain his actions.  

Answer 10

yes you have the right to be upset...PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN! Personally, I would have never married the guy but now that you are AND you have a kid, changes need to be made. Growing up needs to be done....

Answer 11

of course you do,,,hes being a selfish prick,,,,,,,you didnt s***w yourself and have  baby to deal with it alone,,you need to tell him to grow up because he knows dang sure he wou8ld have a heart attack if you did it for even a couple of hours,,,print this out and show it to him.... girl dont put up with it because if he gets away with it this time guess what? its gonig to be you and your son all the time at home wondering where daddy is and what hes doing,,,good luck and stay strong