Kindergarten kid having behavioral trouble with the teacher/school?

Question

my 6 year old son (a kindergarten student) is having a behavioral trouble with his teacher. He has got at least 4 notes of not making good choices. He do not hit or harm anyone. I agree with most of the issues the teacher raised, and would like him to act appropirately.

Yesterday, we(myself and son) had the first conference with the principal, the teacher and others about his behavior issues. Generally they look very helpfull, I do not want to doubt that, and I did not want/try to defend my son.

Questions:

1) He is a smart little boy, academically above his gradelevel,

what could I do to help him improve his behavior ?

2) I feel we(I) are acting too hard on him at this age (6 years) to expect to follow all directions, expect him to have full attention for the teacher's instructions? I am wrong?

3) After shcool he brought a full page typed and signed paper with very polite words but with some twists which I felt may be used to put me in a trap? Is this normal ?

Answer 1

1) Have patience with him. He's just staring school and is getting use to a new routine. His grades are okay ; he just needs to work on his listening skills. I wouldnt suggest getting him tested for a higher grade level  ( you may have a few responses who reccomend it.. " maybe he's just bored and is acting out ..try to get him into a higher level class)...The children in the higher grades are even more mature, and they do take his behavior into consideration when moving children up a grade level. The best thing to do is to work on his listneing skills at home by asking him to do chores around the house -(simple.." Can i please ask you to set the table for me ? I'm only going to ask you once.") And praise him when he follows command

2) I think your standards for your son are a bit too low. at the age of six he should be able to take direction from the teacher. The teacher is well aware of what children at that age are capable and able to do as well , so im sure she keeps her lessons short and simple. Its not asking to much of your son. he has a whole 12 years of schooling left..he needs to learn how to pay attention and take direction , the sooner the better.

3) I wouldnt be able to answer this..so i wont even try. Haha

Best of luck to you , really. sounds like you have a great son just with extra engery ! :) <3

Answer 2

I have realized lately the schools are getting more and more demanding of the children at younger ages. What I see of  gradeK nows seems like my 2nd grade. Behavior is a big issue now and can land up with classifing the child, and of course looking into the family buisness... We all know the attention span of a 6 year old will be flippy flop, but these I know it all teachers expect so much more, 6 is now 8 to them.... I can relate to your problem.Good luck.

Answer 3

i am a certified teacher... he is most likely bored. Is there any chance he can be rewarded after lunchtime or at the end of the day for good behavior? Anything from going to story time in first grade rooms or helping sort mail in the office? Can he have jobs in the classroom?

When he is "bad" I would ask that the teacher have him call you or his father and let him tell you what he did.This way you can reinforce on the spot that you are not happy to hear he has made poor choices.

I think he is just bored.

Answer 4

Question #1 should have been addressed at the conference.You can also consult with a child psychologist privately (not through the school, for a more objective view).

Question #2 - no, a child that age should be able to follow directions MOST of the time, but to expect 100% compliance out of a 6-year old is a bit much.

Question #3. Talk to the principal about your concerns. Let him/her know that you feel some of the statements are double-edged. Talk to some parents who may have been through a similar situation with their own kids. Save a copy of the letter in case it comes back to haunt you in the future.

Kindergarten is a time of adjustment for the child, especially if he's never been in day care or preschool. You may want to consult a child psychologist privately just to see if  your child is on track developmentally and what techniques you can use to help him do better in school.

If there is school choice in your area you may want to consider another school. I am finding that alot of teachers are completely useless.

Answer 5

I think you are fortunate your son's school is on the ball enough to address this early.  All too often the probem doesn't come to light until their 3rd or 4th year at school, by which time they have lost a lot of learning time.

The reason everything is written down isn't to frame him or you.  It is because meeting the headmaster/teacher can be such a stressful experience that by the time you get home you can't even remember half of what was talked about.

If there is anything there you disagree with, or don't remember agreeing to, ring the headmaster and discuss those issues.

Kids in a classroom, away from their parents and the whole family dynamic, are quite different.  And yes, at 6 they do need to learn to follow instructions and show respect to other adults.  It is impossible to provide a good learning environment for 30plus kids if one or two are taking up all the teachers time with behaviour.  

Ask his teacher to send home a little note or indication on days when he has been especially good.  Then reward him with praise and starting a star chart at home works well too.

When he gets 10 stars he gets a reward.  (Nothing too big) and try to make it relevent to learning - a new picture book, some new drawing gear, a super special lunchbox - you get the idea.

Finally, if he is particularly bright, he might be bored.

Let him know that if he finishes his work quicker than the others, he should ask his teacher if he can have something else to do or if he can do a job for them.

Be guided by the school.  It sounds like they are pretty good.  It's only natural to want to protect him, but I really don't think he needs it.  If he knows school and home are on the same page he will settle down.  But if he thinks he can play them off on you, he will.  It's really important he gets the message consistently.

Teachers of kids this age are very clued up on what is and isn't a reasonable expectation, and they don't expect perfection every time.  If they have called you in, it's because he is well outside the limits of what is expected in terms of playing up.  Together, you will guide him on the right road to a good education experience and set him up for life.

Answer 6

I have been through this myself. My daughter is now in 4th grade. Her Kindergarten year was the year from h**l to say the least. She was much worse that what you have described. She hit, kicked, spit at, yelled at (the list goes on) the other kids and the teacher. I was called at least 3-4 times a week, and on several occasions had to go pick her up from school b/c they couldn't handle her. She has nearly done a 180 in the behavior department (thank goodness). She still has some "socializing" issues, but nothing compared to that year.

My suggestion is this: if you have not already done so, seek a therapist/counselor/psychologist. They have been very helpful, not only to my daughter, but to myself as well. I thought I was doing the right thing by being very strict with her, but it turns out I was being way too harsh on her. By lightening up, and catching her doing the right things and by praising the good behavior a lot more than scolding the bad behavior, she has really come a long long way. Also, as your son gets older, he will mature more and this will help his behavior.

Another possibility is that his intelligence could be making him "act out." This was a concern of mine with my daughter as well. She is very very intelligent (in 2nd grade she was reading at college level).

Again, I would suggest seeking a family counselor or therapist or psychologist. The psychologist I saw with my daughter did a lot of IQ tests on her and also helped me with my parenting skills. (hey the little ones don't come with a "how to" manual, so sometimes we need all the help we can get...that's how I see it anyway)

Answer 7

Sometimes behavior issues stem from lots of weird places, nutrition, not enough sleep and some times medical issues - like needing glasses.  You can try to talk to him, that probably won't help much - I have a 6 y.o. also, but I think you should talk to the school counselor and she could probably help some.  I wouldn't worry even if they did put a letter in his file - he is in kindergarten.  If that is going to be his scarlet letter for acting out, then maybe you should look into different schools nearby.

Answer 8

May I see his report card?

Answer 9

You are not acting hard enough on him and yes he should be expected to behave at this age.  He should follow directions, get along with others and pay attention.  Maybe he needs to see a child shrink. Possibly adhd.  How does he act at home.  Maybe you also need a parenting class to get discipline help with him.

Answer 10

Without knowing your child it is hard to answer your questions. Each child is so unique, that there really isn't a one size fits all answer. Here are a few suggestions... I use these in my classroom - depending on the child.

By 6 years old, your child should be able to sit and follow directions. Keep in mind that in some states children start kindergarten at 4 years old. They are expected to follow directions just as well as the older children in their class.  As far as following ALL directions, that's asking a bit much, but he should be able to follow along MOST of the time.

If your child is above his grade level, see if you can get him tested for a gifted/talented program. He might be acting out because he is bored with the information in class. In the district I work for, we offer G/T programs in grades K-8. This would still offer a developmentally appropriate atmosphere for his to mature, but would give him lessons that might be more at his level.

Schools don't try to put parents "in traps." I know it might feel that way, but really they are looking out for the best interest of your child.  Good luck to you and your son. May you both enjoy the rest of the school year.

**EDIT**

As a parent, you have the right to see your son's school file (often called a CA60). You also have the right to have things removed from the file.  If you concerned about the letter being put in your child's file, then request to see the file. If the letter is in there, request to have it removed. Continue to check on the file if you are concerned in the future.

Good luck!

Answer 11

Have to agree with the "he's bored"  comments here.  It sounds like he's not challenged enough with the school work.  You may want to try to the sticker program, where every day that he makes good choices and manages to sit in his chair, etc. then he gets a sticker.  Then have different levels of rewards for the amount of stickers he gets.  The more stickers, the better the reward.  Rewards can be cool erasers for pencils, to an extra 1/2 hour of something he likes to do, or even better, more time with his parents doing fun stuff together (hiking locally, playing games???)

Good luck, and look at the bright side, you have a son that is very smart, and I will bet there are a number of parents who are in the same boat you are.