Knowing what you know now..would you choose to be raised by your bio parents or adoptive parents?

Question

Some adoptees have lots of info some none at all...if you could rewind time who would you choose to raise you?

Answer 1

To me...my bmother gave me a life. Thats how my storey goes. I DONT hate her, I have NO bad feelings toward her, but I would NEVER imagine nor even choose to have her raise me. Thats a selfish thing to say. Why wish, you were being baught up by bio parents? Why not just be thankful you have a life with parents who love and adore you. Even if I didnt get on with one of my adoptive parents, who is to say I would get on with my bio parents? It doesnt make a difference if they are bios or APs.

I love my mother and father dearly and If it wasnt for them, Then I wouldnt be the mother and wife I am today. Why would I want to turn back the clocks?

Move on....you were adopted and you cant change that. Dont be eaten up by your adoption. Live for th life you have.

Its a reality check

Answer 2

My adoptive mother at this time.  I don't know my natural parents.

Answer 3

I was given up for adoption along with my twin sister.  We were place in a foster home and when we went in for our medical exam prior to being adopted into the family.  I was diagnosed as being "retarded"  1958.  I was separated from my sister and we grew up apart.  Long story short I met my twins sister when I was 21 and all the rest of my family as well this included my birth father and maternal grandmother as well.  I also have 4 other 1/2 siblings.  I know it sounds like a Sunday night movie.  But although I have had a chance to meet birth family, I would not have wanted it to be any other way.  My twin and I are very close and we have lots in common.  But anyone can have a baby so to speak.  But not everyone can be a real parent.  Our adopted parents in our cases were both great....

Answer 4

It depends on how much you enjoyed growing up with your adoptive parents. Everyone on the planet wonders what if about things in their lives they could have changed. However, I wouldn't change a thing, I am happy with who I have become as a person and now I have 4 loving parents that mean the world to me and I mean the world to them. every situation is different though. some people have parents who give them up because they know they can't offer the best life or even a good life for their child, some give them up because they have to. It just depends on what the situation is.

Answer 5

I don't know to much but I know my adopted parents were abusive toward my adopted brother and me. I would have loved to be able to stay with my biological parents if it was possible.

Answer 6

I can't choose, I love them BOTH, they're all my parents. I think thats an unfair choice to have to make, it would have to hurt someone and me either way.

Answer 7

i would have chosen my birth dad..or at least the man who claims to be my father...my mother died when i was four i was adopted six months later...i have no relationship with my adopted mother or father for almost ten years now..at their choosing and mine...my birth fathers mother talked about me years after i was adopted out..wanting to know why he didnt take me to her to raise..at least there i would have been wanted and valued as a child instead of cheap labor

Answer 8

my adoptive parents were able to give me the world at the sacrifice taht I am not to familiar with my ethnic heritage ( i'm Mexican and my parents a Caucasian) but my biological mother was a very troubled teen and growing up with her would have been extremely rough. I envy her for making the correct decision, but it would be intresting to get to know her and about my backround.

Answer 9

Which 'family' situation would you pick?

Uneducated, unworldly, lower-middle class, argumentative communication style, dysfunctional relationships, lots of TV, few books, suburb of northern US--industrial city. Married parents.

OR

Healthy, vibrant, fun, educated, large extended family who are funny, love to travel and have a zest for life.  Wealthy, and have a love of people, books, and learning new things.  Living in a central California town a five minute stroll from the beach.  Single mother.

In the early 1960s, American society thought the former (adoptive) was better than the latter (natural) life for a child.

Rewind?  Ugh, I WISH.

Answer 10

I can't even go there.  I have no imagination when it comes to stuff like this.  I got what I got and there is no use speculating otherwise.

Honestly though if I COULD rewind time I would go back to High School and pick the nice guy to go to prom with instead of the jerk.  And I would have studied harder and gone to a better college.  Does that make me shallow?

Answer 11

I can't imagine being raised by anyone else because I don't know who my natural parents are

So knowing what I know now?  My adoptive parents - they are great although it would have been better if my adoptive father hadn't died whilst I was still a child, that was devastating.

Answer 12

I am glad that I was raised by my adoptive parents.  

I did meet my birth mom a few years ago.  Even though I was about 40-years-old at the time, she said that she still cries on my birthday.  I understand totally that it was a very difficult thing for her to give me up.  But in the same breath, I felt it was about time she went on with her life & let go.  She had 2 other children later on.

When I talked to her & ultimitely met her, I did not like her all that much.  She kept on hinting about me giving her money.  Also said that I should respect her because she gave me life.  She critized me for my short hair cut (at the time).  She didn't like the fact that I didn't hug her when I met her.  She was a stranger to me & that is not in my personality.

We are no longer in contact with each other even though she only lives about a half-hour ride from me.

Answer 13

I would choose to still be raised by my adoptive parents. Because I was born with a cleft lip/palate that needed lots of surgeries, and if I wasnt adopted, my birth parents wouldn't of been able to pay for my surgeries. I'm thankful I was able to carry out a healthy normal life.

Answer 14

Seeing that I would have been brought up in an orphanage rather than my bio parents, it seems to me that they could not provide for me the way my parents have.  Honestly, I have nothing to compare one to the other except perceive how my life has turned out.  Even tho- I have had issues with my parents, have gone years without understanding them or myself I would have to choose my real parents (i.e. adoptive parents).

I am content now & had it not been for the life they provided for me I would not have found the life I have now nor would it have made me to be the person I am. I regret nothing, just sometimes wish things could have been different..

Answer 15

Definitely my real parents, no doubt about it.

ETA to Answer Cruz's question::::::

My parents were good people who really tried their hardest.  They weren't perfect, they weren't all white, they weren't rich but they were mine.  I see how my birthmom is very content to stay within the borders of her state whereas I am far more of a free spirit and i know my parents nurtured that.  My birthmom gave me life but my parents gave me a life worth living.

My bmom struggled, she was already raising one mixed race kid out of wedlock in the 60's on one income and she knew she couldn't do two.  She has readily admitted that none of our lives (hers, mine or her son's) would be what they are today but for her decision to give me up.

When we did talk, i told her right away that I didn't have any ill will towards her (ok, but things went downhill fast after that -- it was more than 2 1/2 years since we talked but we've recently begun to mend things) and I really didn't have any ill will towards the adoption.  It made me who i am and I am glad for that.    My only regret is that my real parents died too early

ETA to ISABELL A -- BEST ANSWER YET!!!!  I LOVED IT!

Answer 16

Let's see.  I'd have to say my adoptive mother only.  We were close (she passed 3 years ago.)  Of course she wasn't perfect, but she sure looked out for me and was a good mom.  Unfortunately my adoptive father was abusive toward her, my brother and me.  The extended family was very unhappy with him, as well.  My amom thought about divorcing him, but she was from that time when you just didn't do that.  You know, you made your bed now lie in it sort of thing.  Her anniversary death is this Sunday and I miss her so much.  It's been weighing heavy on me, so I know I've mentioned it a few times here lately.

My nmom is also deceased.  She suffered from issues that made her incapable of parenting.  She even literally abandoned my brother and sister when they were 3 and 5 (back in the early 1970's.)  Walked out the door and never came back.  She was pretty sick, and we all try to keep that in mind.  She ended up committing suicide in 2001.

My nfather and I are very close.  We're like two peas in a pod, we are so much alike and we get on so well.  But, at the time when I was very young, I don't know that he was equipped enough to raise me.  He tried to do so, but he felt he was really failing me.  If his sister had been a few years older, he'd probably have have had her raise me.  That would have been fine.  She's a terrific lady and did a great job with my two cousins.

So, given the time and the circumstances of the time, I would have preferred my adoptive mother to raise me.

Answer 17

I would choose  my adopted parents to raise me becuase my birth parents don't  really know how to raise  their own kids.

Answer 18

I consider myself lucky to have been adopted by my adoptive parents, they new my bio-parents. I had it a lot better than my siblings that my bio-parents had before and after me. I had the chance to see and do more than they could because of money. I guess you could say I was spoiled as a child.

    I have met my bio-parents at the age of 38 after having kids of my own. Both my adopted parents have since passed on. Knowing the reason I was put up for adoption I know my childhood was probably better. My bio-parents are really great people and I love them just the same as my adopted parents. I got lucky and found them after I had kids so that my kids and I could know our medical history and I could trace where my genes came from such as what country my forefathers came from. I feel blessed to have 4 parents that really love or loved me.

   I know where I got my looks from, some of my medical problems, and some of my habits. I picked up habits from my adopte parents but share other habits with my real parents and brothers and sisters.  

  Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't have changed a thing.

Answer 19

I don’t know a whole lot about genetic family. The little I do know if I had it to choose I would choose the family I was adopted into.They have always accepted me fully for who i am and my genetic family did not.  My birthmother probably would have but she couldn't  even take care of herself  let alone a baby.

Plus i was raised in a very diverse neighborhood both racially and culturally, i cherish diversity and i probably wouldn't have gotten that had i stayed with birthmother.

Answer 20

There was a time I'd have never believed what I am abt to say, but the snawer to that is my adoptive parents no contest.

My adoptive parents were strict but they gave me the foundation to become the wife,mother, woman that I am.

My biological mom, unfortunately had a bad drug problem. After me, she had my brother and raised him for 6 years. She decided she was tired of being a wife and mother and left him and his father and has never seen him since (he is now 30).

After him, she had my two little sisters.  The had joint custody with their father and while they were in her care, they were molested and raped (they were 10 and 8) by her boyfriend. Our mother was in a drug induced sleep during these episodes.

Many years have passed and my sisters and I all have a positive relationship w/ our bio mom. (we have never met our brother).

  My mother realizes she made mistakes. However I was much better off being raised by my adoptive parents.

Answer 21

Yes my Bio. With my family.. they are people like everyone else if they did something should it not have been my right to confront them of it and have them charged myself? If they did something...

Answer 22

My adoptive parents, I new my bio Mother and I could have had a relationship with her but I chose not to.

Answer 23

I'm a firm believer that who you are today is a result of all your past experiences so changing one thing would alter many other things.  I don't know anything about my birth family, so it's hard to say whether or not I would've chosen to be raised by them.  What I CAN say, however, is that I've lived a very happy, full life with my adoptive family.  I will also say that I am happily married to the love of my life, who I know in my heart I probably would not have met had I been raised in Korea.  Like I said, one decision can alter so many things.  I wouldn't want to change one thing that got me to the point where I am now.

Answer 24

Just to reinforce what rachael said. There is no way she would have been better off with me compared to the parents she got. Had she not gotten such good parents well that might be a different story, but she didn't.

We were just talking about this the other day.

No offense taken, it all turned out good, just wish we could have met sooner that's all.

Answer 25

In my case, I am glad to have been raised by my a'parents.  YMMV.

Answer 26

If I really did get to choose, I'd choose to live both lives and then make the decision.

Bparents had absolutely everything they needed to keep me, but they did not want me.  I think it would have been horrible to be raised by parents who resented my presence and wished I'd never been born.  There were, still are some really bad things going on in my bfamily that I am sooo glad I missed.  My bdad is a bold-faced liar...no other way to put it.  Bmom is a temper-tantrum queen.

Aparents weren't perfect, weren't rich, weren't famous...but everything really important was there.  They instilled in me high ethics, a love of learning/exploring, ...well, I could go on and on.  Aparents definitely get my vote.

Answer 27

My bio mom for sure.  I know my bmom, and I think she would have been the perfect mother for me.  She and I have so much in common and I think I would have been so much happier if I had grown up knowing that she wanted me.

My aparents are good people but they definitely don't get me at all.

Answer 28

I have love and respect for my birth mom- who chose to place me for adoption when she decided that she could not raise me- instead of deciding to abort as so many women do today- however I would still want to be raised by the parents that raised me- I am sure my birth mom was or is a wonderful person- but the ones that raised me are my parents- and I am very grateful for them.  I feel that God places children exactly where He desires.

Answer 29

my adoptive parents (lori, i love you, dont take offense)

lori was in a bad place when i was born. being a mother would not have helped either of us. she has grown into a wonderful, caring and intelligent woman, but back then she was a lost, scared and confused young girl. neither of us had a chance together back then.

not to mention, we neither are timid people, my temper is no longer a mystery. when the emotions get rolling dont get in the way, or you will be steamrolled. to be honest, if we lived together we probably would have killed one another. i believe the reason we are so close now is because we DIDNT  live together. we can view each other as peers and family. there is no undertone, we make work as we go along.

two women like us living in one house during my puberty and her growing stages would have ended in disaster.

its funny, lori and i were just talking about this a day or so ago. we both agreed, it all turned out for the best.

Answer 30

I would choose to be raised by a Martian... cause my bio mom was talked into it and shes depressed and my other mom is a baby snatcher.  Mybe a martian would teach me how to dance the chicken dance.

Answer 31

No question about it.My adoptive parents.I miss them so very much.