LDS Couples -- Is It Acceptable to Switch Roles?

Question

A good friend of mine and his wife "switched" traditional roles years ago -- he is generally much better at taking care of the kids and the house, and she is better out in the workplace, so it works for them. Since moving to a largely LDS community, however, they've received a lot of flack for this, and I'm just wondering if this could possibly have anything to do with LDS beliefs and culture. Thanks in advance for your help!

Answer 1

Why not?  If they are making their family work, then its ok by me.  Personally, I think that every family has unique situations that must be worked on in order to allow the family function well.  This family found something worked.  Who's to say that God didn't help to set up this arrangement?  It's hard enough these days to keep families together.  Why would these self-righteous people want to disrupt a perfectly good family?

As far as fathers being equal substitutes for mothers, I don't think a father can equal the mother.  There is something about a mother's care that us dads can't replicate.  Don't get me wrong, I love my children, but I know that I can never replace their mom.  

When it comes to Palin's ability to care for her children, I think that being VP will give her EXTRA time to spend with the kids.  Being a Governor has tons of responsibilities.  Being a VP has virtually none.  I think that given the choice between VP and Governer of Alaska, her being VP would give her much more time for the kiddos.

Answer 2

Some people hvae  a hard time with change, or when someone upsets the status quo. I am assuming this couple is not LDS?

I would say, tell them to hold their heads up, and go unapologetically on with their lives as they see it should be. Ultimately, I think that this will impress everyone, and they will gradually be respected. At worst, eventually they will be known as "Oh, you know these non-members!" or something.

If they can make a couple of LDS friends, and these friends ask them if they want to go to some LDS fun activities, like the wife is asked to go to a Relief Society Enrichment activity, this would be a good way to get to know the people of the neighborhood better, a good way for her to "network". Just make sure that the LDS friends are ones that can fully accept their "lifestyle". They're out there, they just need to be patient.  

Answer 3

In the LDS religion women take a back seat to whatever their husbands want. So if the husband wants to keep his rear at home then that's what will happen. Why so concerned?

Answer 4

Bottom line is that you do what you feel is best for your family but the general rule is that if a mother can stay home with her children then she should.

You arent suppose to judge other people, but people are human.  I would find that a bit odd and I would never ever want a husband that didnt feel it important to actually want to provide for his family, but thats just me.  

My sister is dying to go back to work (even though she keeps having kids) and is salivating over the idea of a woman VP.  We have actually had a few arguments over the fact that Palin really shouldnt be dumping young kids on the nannies.  

There is the general suggestion and then the individual family situation.  You never know what kind of family dynamics play within any family.

The mormon culture, though, is generally that even though a woman is highly encouraged to get an education and develop work skills, if she has young kids at home and can stay home with them (financially speaking), then she should and a guy should prepare himself financially to be able to provide for his family.   Many woman go to work part time when kids are in school.  Most mormon moms I know are stay at home moms, which is kind of a hard thing to do living in southern ca on one income, but they manage.

Avalon

I think a mother brings a special spirit into her childrens life that a father cant duplicate.  I dont mean that in a negative way twds fathers.  I think they are extremely important, too, but its hard to replace mom.  I still say if a woman has the ability to stay home with her kids then she should.  

That might sound sexist in todays world, but I dont care.  Men and women might be equal, but the arent the same.

Palin doesnt just have young kids at home.  She has a young child at home with a disability.  Her family will go thru even more challenges because of that (and more blessings) but its hard for me to be ok with her decision.  My niece has down syndrome.  I know what its like to have a child like that in a family, esp with other kids to take care of.  That child and her other kids will need even more attention than the average family and will get far less with her as VP

(I am still voting for McCain based on the issues, but am not totally thrilled with Palin as his VP, but then I am not that thrilled with McCain as the republican candidate, either)

Answer 5

It's totally fine.

If it works for a certain couple why force them to change into a more traditional role?

People always criticize what's foreign to them.  My wife teaches some yoga classes, during which time I take time off work and watch the kids - I love it, I'd much rather be with my kids than working.  I'm a better cook than my wife and we mix a lot of "traditional" duties.

No problem with them.

Answer 6

I think that it is more a "cultural" thing.  We are not reprimanded by the church for working.  I personally believe that at least there is someone home with the kids, rather than having them in a daycare being "raised" by someone else.  If it works best for them, then go for it!

Answer 7

Tradition not doctrine

Answer 8

There is a Church position on the topic, but it is very flexible. It can be found the The Family: A Proclamation to the World.

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation.

Answer 9

i think most "traditional" family units look at it as different. i don't think it has anything to do with a religious belief. i personally think- and think that churches stance would be the same that you do what works best for your family- so that the family unit is a strong as it can be. whether the man stays home or not it doesn't diminish his priesthood role. i would say though that i would hope that the mother still take a great deal of interest in her childrens life, as i think having a motherly influence is very great in early development.  i think though honestly most men look at stay at home men strangely. like somehow they are less of a man. this is regardless of religion, but rather a product of our society. personally i think it's a more of man. taking care of a home and caring for children is way harder than some 8-5 job. it's just the hypocritical world we live in. nothing to do with religion.