LOVE is never really enough is it?

Question

Im 25,we met when I was 23, and he 21.

I was always the type to never follow what anyone did,my heart had been broken a few times, so i just never cared to trust anyone.Everyone still always says how beautiful I am, I dont feel beautiful,i hate my life,i hate the way things turned out, i hate that i was so stupid, i hate that this happened to me!

After constantly and constantly telling me to trust him that he was different and ETC.I finally decided to give him a chance, and i did fall in love with him,it wasnt long though b4 i started seeing signs of a player/dawg,azzhoe.

but too late,i already loved him

he said we'd be together,be a family, he wanted a baby, and i gave him that.

I couldnt even rely on him to help me financially while i was on maternity leave,he walked out when she was a few weeks,he always would come back though,yes dumb me, i would let him, still i loved him.

its been a while now, she's fifteen months,he's always come and gone.funny how he even says he wants another baby, we arent even together today,why impregnant someone and have more than one kid with them just to have them be raised on welfare or something?

no, im not on any assistance, i take care of mine, everything i have is because i work for it, but still if i keep making the same ignorant mistakes it wont be long till i am on some program.

I love my daughter will all my heart,we have a house, a car,my mom watches her while i work full time.i dont really care for my job, but i have bills to pay. I am so envious of all the sahms' out there, i wish i could belong to a family where my husband supported me, and our children.

honestly, i wish he would get knocked over the head and get hit with a dose of reality, and he would step up and do the right thing.

he's her father, i dont want anyone else playing her father role.

i love him still, i do, i hate that i love him, i hate that we go thru this. but why is it so hard to just get it together???

ive never done him wrong, never ever.

why are men like this? (okay some women are too) but in my case im asking why are men like this? cause i have never met a good guy! i honestly never have, and as beautiful, (not trying to sound conceited really im not.) but people always tell me how beautiful i am.

Well u know what? i feel like a black spider,im not happy at all. sometimes i just want to just scratch myself, just cut myself, or make myself look ugly, give me scars that appear outside, because i have so many of them inside, no one knows, no one has the least clue about how much i hate myself right now, how ugly i feel. how unattracted and unwanted.i know its because i make him so important in my life, and i shouldnt, i know that. but how do i stop? How can i forget about someone, i cant go an hour without thinking about? a think about him a million times a day!last thing at night, and first thing in the morning! I dont know what to do?

Answer 1

I hope you have said these things to your boyfriend.  You probably have and my answer assumes you have.

You need to look out for yourself and your baby.  I think you doing pretty well with the baby, but, not yourself.  You need to forget this guy.  He's more of a negative for you sucking away energy that could go toward other relationships, like the ones with your daughter and your mother.

Answer 2

Stop beating yourself up!! I am more than symThat is my first advice. You need to realize that you are not to blame for the result of your relationship.  It takes two to mingle honey, But take responsibility that "ok I've made some really bad choices and bad decisions."  

Now, you are never going to forget about this guy, trust me when I say this because I have been down your EXACT road.  Its hard for anyone to forget someone they love or have loved, its just the simple truth. If you stop concentrating on trying to forget him and start concentrating on forgiving yourself you will be taking the first step to releasing all of the pain that you've allowed this man to give and take.  It takes STRENGTH within (I know I must sound like Oprah) But, you have to be willing to give up the power you keep giving him.  You know why he is the first and last thing you think about is because you are STILL in Love with this guy.  I'm not going to give you a whole lecture about yourself because you know right from wrong.  You know that he wasn't exactly the best choice in your life, but you did receive something beautiful from your relationship from him and that was your Daughter.

There is no doubt in my mind that you Love your daughter but in order for you to move on with your life and open up your heart to other possibilites in the world, you NEED to move on.  I wish there was a pill to take away the pain men like him has caused, because than I myself would've taken the damm thing a long a** time ago.

Trust in yourself! You need to forgive yourself first before you can forgive him. I hate to say this but I have to say this for YOUR sake not mine, STOP feeling sorry for yourself.  Every WOMAN alive is beautiful, it's the confidence within us that makes us beautiful and you have allowed this man to take that confidence away from you. Your main focus is your daugther now.  Live for her!!!! I believe you are a great provider and mother, but you need to start doing things for yourself that shows how proud she can be of you when she is old enough to realize.

Don't give up on yourself! This can be the beginning of a new life for you.  Take it step by step.  If you need help I am here!! Be strong!! You can do it I believe in you and your daughter believes in you!

  

Answer 3

You said"a think about him a million times a day!last thing at night, and first thing in the morning! I dont know what to do?"

The first thing is realize that he has manipulated your thought process so badly, you cannot make rational decisions right now. He has made you become addicted to him, and like all bad habits, this one needs to be broken. You don`t want another father figure for your daughter, and yet as a mother it is your duty to protect her from negativity, so she grows up in a happy environment, not one full of resent, when she hears you cussing your SO under your breath, she will pick up on it, and grow up unhappy and hating men. Is this what you want?

Answer 4

Hey girl. I am a friend. Trust me, I have been down the same road you are on. It was for similar reasons. The first thing you have got to do is to focus on you for while. Not on the bad, or what didn't turn out right, but what has turned out right, and what you have done right. We (you and I) tend to have a plan for things, how things should be or should turn out. We know what we want, we go for it, and we usually succeed. For some reason, this is a chapter in our lives that we didn't and couldn't plan. I guess it's because it involves someone that we have no control over. Anyway, you have got to make you a list. This sounds really stupid I know, if you will do it, it will help you to see things from a different perspective. Don't think about anything bad. This is going to be hard, because you are your own  worst critic. It is much easier for you to see where your have failed rather than succeeded.  But you can do it. Write down everything that you love, I mean everything. Ex. peanut butter n jelly, frogs, swinging. If you can't think of anything, think back to before you felt like you do now, and write down things that you loved then, things that made you smile or laugh. It sounds as though it has been a while since you have done that with out your daughter being involved in the smile, but you can do it. It can't include anyone but you. You only.

Next, think about something you would like to change in your life (not people). Keep it simple, and realistic. Perhaps, it's purchase a new bed, or being able to run a mile. Whatever it is, make sure it is something your really want. If you can think of several things. You are on a new path and can focus on something besides you know who. You will be able to accomplish these thing and it will help you see that you are not a failure. Yes, I said it. You are NOT a failure. Are you perfect? No, but you are as perfect as you need to be, and you have the ability to change lifes course at anytime. Hang on girl, you have a wonder opportunity for growth and renewal in front of you. You will come out on top, bigger, better, stronger.

Answer 5

majority of woman have been where you are right now. is love every enough, unfortunately no. especially if there isnt two people working on the relationship. he will continue to do what you allow him to get away with. my daughters father did what he is doing and it wasnt until i took a good look at what type of example i was setting that i let him go. i was DUNZO and didnt want to be bothered with the bull. It hurt for a minute, i am not going to lie. but its true when they say, one day you wake up and the pain is gone. you have too much going on that is good to let him bring you down. he priority is himself,not his daughter or you. as far as wanting to hurt yourself. cutting is a serious sign of something wrong inside and you may need to seek therapy. i did and it works, it really does. please see someone for that.you may be suffering from depression as well. I wish you all the luck and if he cant see what type of wonderful mother and women you are, then tell him to KICK ROCKS... good luck

Answer 6

Join the club.

You have to stop letting him play you now.  Stop being nice with him, put your foot down and completely cut him from your life, other than letting him see the child and you need to force him to pay support-take him to court to be sure you get it.  There's nothing you can do for what happened in the past but you can change your future.  People can be very deceitful, and they can play on your vulnerabilities very good when they know about them.  You sticking around and waiting on him is only encouraging his behavior.  You do hate your life how it is right now but it doesn't have to stay that way.  You keep falling for a certain type of person and you need to ask yourself why does it keep happening?  I can tell by reading this your a soft hearted person, and you want to believe this man could change.  You tend to overlook things that shouldn't be going on because you think it will finally change.  The only way anything ever will change in your life is you make the changes happen.  Don't have any more kids with this guy.  Let him go, focus on your daughter and do what you can to make yourself happy.

Be careful who you let in your life.  If you meet another guy, look at his life long and hard before you start getting very serious.  He should have a job, his own car and his own place to live.  He shouldn't ask you for money.                  

Answer 7

Hon, the answers are staring you in the face. You just have to learn the lessons.

If you can't be strong for yourself where this boy (and he is a boy - men don't treat people like this) then be strong for your daughter.

All you are teaching her right now is that it is OK for a man to do whatever he likes to a woman if he says he loves her and promises to change.  Is that the lesson you want her to learn?  Kids learn self respect from their parents - she's not learning this from you right now.  

I understand its hard and that little boy you've been hanging round with has dented your self esteem.  But you've got to try to be the mum you want your daughter to have - show her how strong, courageous, independent, intelligent and spirited a woman can be.  Show her that though beauty can get you so far, talent and honesty get your further.  Give her the foundations she deserves to be a remarkable woman some day.

Answer 8

did you have him before? you CAN live without him. you need to be happy first. i am in a similar place as you. and i am going back to my dreams i had before. i am excited and looking forward to moving on with my life as a human being not a door mat. you have to write all done your thoughts and it gets better each day. for sure to see someone. or look at all the other questions and answers. and have a few laughs.  

Answer 9

You are part of growing phenomenon.  More and more men are abandoning their families.  The figures are astonishing actually.  Not that you would take any comfort in statistics, but know that you're most definitely not alone.  

You've been kicked in the teeth, it happens.  Even to the beautiful, the smart, the loving, the caring and the successful.  For what it's worth, if you happened to have the kind of life where you'd be married to a doctor, stayed at home to raise your children and take tennis lessons on Saturday mornings you wouldn't be nearly as strong or as brave as you are right now.

Answer 10

Love is enough.  Your problem is that he doesn't love you.  Both parties should love each other.

Answer 11

First of all, you need to do what's best for your daughter, and regardless of how you feel about this jerk, you need to create some definite boundaries so that he won't come in and out of HER life and hurt her like he has hurt you.

No, not all of us men are like that.  I find that women who don't find good men are usually attracted to something in them that good men don't possess.  Maybe it's a sense of danger, spontaneity - who knows.  In order to find a good man, you've got to start examining what attracted you to this bad man in the first place.

Answer 12

Send this letter to your boyfriend

Answer 13

Of course love is not enough all by itself! Why should it be? Confidence, self-respect, fun, humor, principles, education, friendship, career... all these things are important too. Love is the most important thing, but by itself it is practically meaningless. My recommendation to you: get some counseling. You obviously have inner-turmoil that is preventing you from developing healthy and positive lifestyle and relationships. A little counseling can go a long way toward fixing that.

Good luck!

Answer 14

Im realy sorry to hear you feeling this way. I had the same problem and in my marriage i thought nothing could ever get worse. The forst 6 months where great then after that for about a good 1 1/2 years it was sh** and no one understood. I felt like the worst person in the world as though no one could see or hear. I felt hated not only by everyone but by my self as well. My husband was beating me and would call me everyname in the world but i still stuck by his side. Everyone told me i was stupid but i knew that with out him i would be lost. So what i did was cut all conectins with everyone and started t o love my self and found to respect my self. I started with my slef because i though how can i do it for someone else and not for myself? Its impossible!! If you love your daughter try to make changes in your life then one you can respect your self and love yourself and stop hateing eveything. After you can do that then look for someone that will love you and yoru daughter and help support and heal the past with you. Notice i said WITH you not FOR you. Good luk and best wishes :)  

Answer 15

You need to find a way to reach way, way down inside yourself and pull out the strength that's in there.  You deserve much better than he's giving you.  Don't waste your love on someone who obviously doesn't value it.  Put him exactly where he belongs:  in the role of your daughter's father, and nothing else.  No more relationship with him, no more children with him, and no more contact with him unless it specifically has to do with your daughter.  It won't be easy, but it is absolutely necessary.  

Why are you punishing yourself for HIS being a jerk??  Stop it!  You deserve someone who can't take his eyes off you and wants to give you the world.  Say that to yourself in the mirror 3 times a day until you feel better.  Try to realize that unless you love yourself, you cannot fully love anyone else - not even your daughter.  

Answer 16

Okay, so you got pregnant 24 months ago and you met him 2 years ago???? And you FINALLY decided to give him a chance?  After what...a week?  Gimme a break girl....you did this to yourself, you need to love yourself before you can love anyone else and you obviously don't.  

Stop feeling sorry for yourself coz we all have to put up with the same emotions as you do!  It's just how you deal with them that makes the difference.  You wanna be a weakling?  Make your daughter wish she was never born someday, or do you want her to stand up tall and be proud of her momma?

It's up to you!