Lack of people skills?

Question

I'm usually a social person by nature but i lack people skills i think. I know exactly why because when i was in middle school people were pretty mean because i was not at all pleasing to look at and stuff. Now that i'm a lot older i look much better but i still have lack of social skills because of how i grew up.

I don't want people to assume i'm anti-social but i would like to improve my people skills because i do like to be social i just don't really know *how* to react in certain situations.

As far as other things go i'm not very reclusive, i have a full time job and i don't obsess over video games, anime or have any other extremely weird quirks. I'm just not very good at handling people.

what are some things i can do to make people feel like i am a competant person who is a bit shy but not a basement dweller..

Answer 1

Stop seeing yourself in such a negative way.  I'm not one of those people who try to say nice things just because I think it would make you feel better, because I know that's BS and it doesn't work on anyone.  So let me explain myself.

As long as you're going out and doing things with people (which you seem to be doing), then you aren't anti-social.  The fact that you are quiet in groups is just the way that you are.  Let me take a minute to take some guesses at what sort of person you are...

You're the kind of person who is generally not the center of attention (CoA), and when you are it makes you uncomfortable.  The fact that so many eyes are on you really unnerves you, though you don't really do anything dumb that gets you labeled as such.  You tend to think you do, though, because you don't hold the position of CoA so well, and you think people find you to be incompetent because of it.

But this is only your impression of yourself, and it exists only because those years of being put down in middle school have caused you to put yourself under the mocroscope.  Unfortunately, that microscope sees all (because the one person you can't lie to or hide things from is yourself), but the people around you don't see that stuff.

Those people do see you as quiet, but quiet is not anti-social.  They also see you as someone who is very reflective and deep and caring, and as someone with whom friendship is a very intimate thing.  Those middle-school years have taught you only to open up and speak only when you're convinced that what you are going to say is important and intelligent, and so everything you say carries a profound sort of gravity and meaning with it.  Myabe you don't talk too much, but you do listen a lot, and the few people who have gotten close to you have done so because they've talked your ear off (though you wouldn't call it that, because you love to listen to them).

If this is you, then I only have two things to say to you.  The first is that you have nothing to worry about because people don't judge you as harshly as you judge yourself, and they don't mind that you don't have much to say or that you don't know how to react to certain situations.  They either don't see it, or they see it and to them, that's just how you are, period.  (Not, "that's just how you are and you're so akward," or "that's just how you are and you need to get a clue," but "that's just how you are, period.")

And the second thing I can say to you, is for some odd reason, I like your Y!A name... rainbow rock... cool.

Answer 2

Good Books to read - "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Cranegie and "7 habits of highly effective people" by (???) will help you. To begin with try these things - 1st always make a slight eye contact and smile at the person, make sure to say hello or hi or lightly wave at the person, even if you happen to know them vaguely. 2nd try remembering names of the people - try adressing them by their names - the name is most dear to anyone and if you show them that you remember their names, they will like you and will feel important in your company. 3rd read more - general knowledge helps to keep conversations going and interesting. 4th good manners - show you care and are polite.

Answer 3

Get involved in social activities, be friendly, join in the conversation, and don't act like an idiot.