Ladies, does ur Military man get really grouchy and moody around deployment time?

Question

Mine sure has, does this get any better? When will he be nice again for more than a day? It seems like it got worse after he left knowing that we won’t see each other for months. I try to talk to him about it and it seems to make him more upset. I don’t want to fight w/him of course b/c of the situation but I also want him to try to be kind to me. It really hurts when he is like this and we r not able to be together or even talk for very long when we do talk. Have u experienced this and what did u do about it? How did u handle it?

Can u supply me w/some resources that address/discuss this particular topic?

This is his 3rd time goin to Iraq. This is the first time I have been in relationship w/a Military guy and this is my first experience w/deployment.

Answer 1

I am dude just so you know. It could be all kinds of stuff but he might really like you and not want to get to close because he might get attached. He is military so he is going to be hardened to some things, and if he don't want to talk about it, it is best left unsaid write him a letter saying how you feel and put it in his bag right before he leaves , so it is said and you don't fight while he is there . Some times guys don't want to talk about that ****, butt with the letter it should comfort him. Don't break it off in the letter , just tell him how much you care and ****.  

Answer 2

What do you expect ma'am? Put yourself in his shoes and deploy to Iraq 3 times. If he is not a pogue and he will be doing a actually combat work and not sitting on a FOB, plus missing his family, he should be somewhat sad. I know guys and GIRLS who are happy to deploy. If not for the money, just to get away from each other and responsibilities.

So be thankful and remember he has alot on his mind, especially if he is in an leadership position.

Answer 3

It's totally normal for this to happen when someone is leaving for a long time.  And that's not just leaving for deployment either.  I first heard about it when I was preparing for college and my mom took the "parents" class while I was registering for my first semester.  It's been reiterated at every command DH has been to just prior to his boat deploying because it is so common.

What happens is our subconscious wants to believe that its easier to be separated when we're mad at each other.  Like if we're saying "Just get out already" it won't hurt as much to be apart.  So, yeah, a lot of people pick more fights and argue more when they're getting ready to separate like this.  Knowing that it's happening doesn't make it go away but can make it easier to stop the fights before they get too bad and makes it a whole lot easier to forgive and forget.  

What I really like about my past FRGs (Family Readiness Groups) is that they've brought someone in from Fleet and Family Services to cover the emotional cycle of deployment before every patrol (on Boomer subs) and deployment (on Fast Attack subs) that DH has ever done.  It's best when they've included it in the family pre-deployment night because all the guys have to be there and can get the information.  But it's more in depth when the speaker comes to the FRG meeting or when you make an appointment to get the information on your own.  

Answer 4

Hi there. My husband has been in the Marine Corps for over 12 years now and we've been through several deployments. He usually does get VERY irritable and distracted right before he deploys. Just remember, he has a lot going on with the preparation. I usually just back off and give him some space. The week or two right before he leaves (around the block leave time), he tends to devote most of his time to me and the kids. Just be patient, let him know you are there for him, and try not to push him into talking about everything. I know my husband just has to deal with all of his emotions on his own.

There are several websites/forums where you can talk to others in your situation. Run a search for military spouses/girlfriends etc. and you'll find a bunch of different sites to join if you want to talk to others in your situation. Take good care!