Ladies, have you had this problem?

Question

Last night my fiance told me he never wants to have kids with me-EVER. OK that's fine except in Jan I was pregnant, he acted like he was happy & excited. I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks, and then he acted like he was upset about it. Now i question how genuine his feelings were...

Last month he said he wanted to try to have a baby. But now he's saying he doesn't.

This morning he said he's on the fence about it...

I want to have a baby, but obviously dont want to trap him into anything..

One minute he's ready to pick baby names, the next minute he's ready to pick up and go if i get pregnant (yes he said this)

When I mention getting on birth control, or suggest he get and start using some condoms, he gets mad & starts an argument.

I have suggested getting a vasectomy, he tells me he wants the option to have kids in the future. OK, he wants kids, but not with me?Since we were TTC a few weeks ago,I could already be pregnant. Pls no sarcasm, but wtf is wrong w/ him (or is it me)?

Answer 1

Well maybe he wants to wait till you guys are married and maybe a while after that, he could be worried financially or he may be insecure about raising a child. He just may not have made up his mind about it yet.

Answer 2

Well i'm sorry to hear that... I think its normal for him to feel like that i mean his feelings go up and then down so dont take it to the heart his just confused i think tho you should give your self and him some time to get over what happend then think about having a baby cause its quit confusing to him and you...

Answer 3

I think you guys need to sit down and do a pro and cons list.  Maybe that will help to identify what your fiancee is going through.  Remember that this baby has no choice in the matter, so YOU need to bring him/her into the best situation possible.  It's not fair to bring a baby into the world when it is not even established that he/she is truly wanted.  You need to discuss the impact that this will have on your relationship.  How much it will impact you financially, who will pay for this baby's benefits, what are your parenting views?  Do you work?  What is your company policy on leave?  Etc.  There are so many things to consider and it would really help if he was 100% supportive and eager to have a baby with you.

Answer 4

It sounds like he's a pretty unstable guy and is indecisive of what he wants in life.  If I were you, I would not have a baby with a man like that and wouldn't even waste my time with him.

Answer 5

He just doesn't know what he wants, and in this particular situation, that is a very bad thing.  Its not like you can just change your mind.  Or hit rewind.  Maybe give him an ultimatum?  If you are really ready for kids, and he truly isn't then something needs to change.  It's just not going to work.  You both need to have some serious contemplation and conversations about the issue before going any further.

Good Luck!