Ladies: How do you feel when men in positions of authority...?

Question

call you sweetie, dear, honey, hon, etc.?

I'm curious if you get offended because I was in the hospital the other day & the nurse called me "honey", he was a man. When I also got my wisdom teeth removed, my dentist called me "dear" Is it sexist or is it just nonchalant? What do you think?

Answer 1

I wouldn't consider it sexist, just friendly.  I suppose it depends on the context.  Sometimes, even if a bit sexist, it can be comforting.

Many years ago, a friend of mine who is a journalist had a job working on a local newspaper.  The editor, a woman, was absolutely vile to my friend and to the other girl reporter who worked on the paper.  My friend said she made their lives a misery.  Then she left, and was replaced by a man.  he clearly did not take my friend and the other girl reporter that seriously, and he was always calling them 'darling' etc, and treating them in a jocular and slightly condescending way, but my friend said she and her colleague didn't mind this because they were grateful for his kindness after the absolutely vile way they had been treated by their former editor.

Answer 2

There is a gas station up the street from me that is owned by a foreign guy who is there all the time. He always calls me sweetie with a big smile on his face and at first I was a little annoyed until I realized that he didn't call anybody else anything and he usually frowned at other people.

If a lot of people are calling you sweetie, I would just assume that you look like a sweet person and that's all.

Answer 3

I think since it was a nurse and a dentist saying these things to you, that they were perhaps trying to be fatherly and trying to make you feel more comfortable.

I dont think they were being sexist or anything. Just trying to do the right thing.

Answer 4

Well I get that a lot where I work it's mostly older men, it doesn't bother me at all. It's just the generation gap; they don't mean it to be rude or sexist at all. It's just a gesture like when I call them sir, I m not sure how to take this question sorry. I never really got bothered by it because the ladies call me sweatheart and honey too, I think it's just meant to be a nice greeting.

Answer 5

women use terms similar to that all the time. It depends how friendly or relaxed they feel around you or out of habit.

     female bank tellers that I know at the bank I go to, female managers at stores. Was only a couple day's ago a female bartender called me "honey" several times when we where talking. Doesn't bother me even though I never used "pet names" or really heard them growing up.

        Just pay attention to not what they say but how they say it.

Is there kindness in there voice? Respect? Understanding?

  Disdain? lust? love?

By paying attention to people's voice's and how there eye's glaze or not glaze or generally look along with other body language it is somewhat easy to figure out if it is a hostile or non hostile action.

Answer 6

Personally, I'm not a fan but also don't think it's anything to take deadly offence about.

Mostly, people (not just men) use such terms as a way of being friendly when they don't know your name and want to appear amenable.

Of course if they say it in a derogatory or negative way, that's a different thing, but most of the time it's just a common greeting, kind of halfway between "Hey you" and "Excuse me Madam".

If you do find it bothersome, though, you are certainly within your rights to say "I'd rather you called me Chanteuse, as that is my name".

Most people will get the message and there's no need to make a federal case of it.

Cheers :-)

Answer 7

lol i never really thought about it much

maybe they call everyone that?

just call them honey back lol

Answer 8

Call him sweetie back. That'll learn him.

Answer 9

I'm no lady but women have called me "dear", "honey", "baby", etc. many times.  Recently, a very attractive flight attendant called me "baby" as soon as I boarded, and then a couple more times during the flight.  I was not offended in the least.

Answer 10

Change the dentist and let him know why. As far as the Nurse tell the doctor you want another nurse and you let them know why.

     Some social contact might be o.k. but you are there for your health and not to put up with this stupidity.

Answer 11

I'm slightly offended but not enough to get upset. If it's an old man, it's just the way they've been brought up. If it's a younger man I would be more concerned. Health providers should cover professional boundaries, relationships, communication etc. in their training and they should be aware that calling someone 'honey' or 'sweetie' isn't professional. Having said that, they're often just trying to be human and empathic. 'Dear' isn't such a patronising term in this sense.

Answer 12

A nurse isn't in a position of authority - unless that person is your boss.  Same thing with your dentist, your podiatrist, your letter carrier, your grocery bagger...

Let's look up the definition of the word "authority":

-- The power to enforce laws, exact obedience, command, determine, or judge.

-- One that is invested with this power, especially a government or body of government officials: land titles issued by the civil authority.

So neither applies.  Your nurse was just trying to be nice.

Answer 13

I don't like it when anyone uses those terms on me. I find people who use them to be condescending.

Answer 14

I think they're trying to be nice to you.

Answer 15

Kay, usually it's not meant as demeaning at first.  But if I feel you're offended by it, I lay it on heavier.

And you dentist didn't mean anything by it.