Ladies: Would you be alright with...?

Question

Something i heard on the radio got me thinking...

A man was talking about how he got a vasectomy without discussing it with his wife at all. He said they had 3 kids and decided not to have anymore so he took it upon himself to get the the procedure done.

How would you feel if your husband/boyfriend got one done and felt you had no say in that decision as it wasn't your body?

Answer 1

I would say that if he was that dead set against having anymore kids, it's probably for the best.

Answer 2

I got one, and my former spouse did not agree.  Yup, we got divorced.  Then she got pregnant, put my name down, and tried to sue me for support.  That is why I don't say anything today.  I don't have children and don't want them.  No woman is going to be able to "trap" me.  Yes, I have had it tried on me twice.  No it didn't work either time.  Now I get a s***n analysis done ever five years and keep the results in my safe.

I am now 42 and single.  No woman has not been alright with it unless she had plans to extort money from me.

Answer 3

I wouldn't give a rats ***.  If he doesn't want to get me pregnant, that's his choice.

Answer 4

I would hope that it would be something a man would discuss with his wife before he got it done.  Just as I would hope a woman would discuss it with her husband before she had herself fixed.  If they feel the need to keep such things secret, then they must have a very poor relationship.

Answer 5

Both of them are as bad as each other!  Things like this should always be discussed in a healthy relationship.  One person's actions do affect the other, it is only fair and right to be open and honest.

But this obviously isn't a healthy relationship.

Answer 6

Not a problem.  If he doesn't want any kids (or more kids) that is HIS choice.  It's his body right?

Answer 7

Well I would want him to discuss it with me first.....but I would be ok with it....there would not be much discussion, but in a marriage you need to talk about things that severe! It's not like he just went out and bought a new TV....this is life changing. But if, after 3 kids, I am sure that it would have been discussed before for the woman to get her tubes tied after the birth....???? So it is just weird that he went off and got the procedure done and his wife had no idea.....

Answer 8

i don't think any woman would wan't a man restricting her rights to her body. a man should have that right too. i know of women who are always preagnant and broke. if a woman refuses to stop having children or the man doesn't want more children he should have the vastectomy. i would be fine with this.

Answer 9

Sounds like a smart man to me. He must've known he couldn't trust his wife. Still, in a healthy relationship, this kind of thing should be discussed and agreed upon, not done behind each other's back as these two have done.

Answer 10

Well it's as much the man's choice to be a parent as it is the woman's but I mean getting something like a vasectomy or tubes tied should be discussed with your partner BEFORE the procedure just because you can't get something like that undone. Making that choice will effect your partner so it's pretty inconsiderate to not include them.

Answer 11

I think that's a messed up relationship, when partners don't talk about whether or not they want to have (more) babies.

I see your angle re: abortion, however, there is a distinct difference... a woman who has an abortion still has the potential to bear a child.  A vasectomy is permanent, more analogous to tubal ligation than abortion.    Partners in LTRs really *should* be discussing such matters, and withholding or misrepresentation of such matters seems legitimate grounds for divorce.

Answer 12

I don't want kids, so I'd be relieved. And even if I did want kids, I'd adopt. My only worry is that it might negatively impact our s*x life. (Does that ever happen with a vasectomy?)

Answer 13

Both have the option of divorce.  Spouses should be honest with each other.  Dishonesty on either side on a subject of such great import is grounds for divorce.

Answer 14

I think two people in a committed relationship should at least discuss these things.  If the decision to have three kids was mutual (which it hopefully was) then the decision to stop should be the same way.  Ultimately it is the guys choice, but if he feels like he needs to hide it then maybe he should continue making choices on his own and get out of a relationship where he cant be honest.

Answer 15

Like aboriton ultimately it's the persons decision, we have no right to decide what someone else does with their body. But I would be concerned that he did it in secret - why didn't he tell me? When you are in a relationship you should talk about these things. I personally don't want kids so I'd be over the moon, but the fact that it was a secret and he didn't tel me would make me very angry and hurt.

Answer 16

Honestly, I really could care less about this topic. If he doesn't want to have more kids fine! If I'm that serious about having children I'll adopt.

But I think the issue goes a lot deeper then just him having the vasectomy. I think he did this because he's either no longer in love with her, or is about to leave her. No man that I know personally would get them snipped with out talking to his wife about it, unless he had alternative motives.

Answer 17

i WOULDN'T be okay with it.

I think if you are in a relationship, any birth control issue like that would affect your partner.  It's not as though you have to get permission for it, but at least give her the chance to express how she feels and deal with it. Maybe she wanted more kids, if they are married then they should discuss that as a couple and not him do it on his own

Answer 18

It's his right to do what he wants with his body and to take control of his fertility.  However, the fact that he did it without discussing it with his wife is a sign that there are problems in the relationship.  This is something that should at least be discussed before it's done, at least in an ideal relationship.

In my particular case, I'd be thrilled if my husband got a vasectomy, whether he told me or not.  I'd prefer if he told me so we could go out and celebrate, and I'd wonder why he felt the need to keep it from me, especially given that he was with me when I got my tubal.

Answer 19

it's his body but I think I at least have a right to know

I'd be fcked if I didn't know because then he would know I'm cheating on him and having other men's children and putting them on him

Answer 20

This is something you discuss at the beginning of your relationship, so NO I would not be upset if my husband got a vasectomy without consulting me because it is his body, and as long as our relationship is not anchored on the idea of having a certain amount of kids, theres no harm done.