Ladies or Gentlemen, I need some advice...?

Question

My husband works out of town on occasion, April was the first time he was out of town for a week. In May he was gone again, to the same city

He called and said that I needed to stop "shopping" because there was very little money in the bank. I called the bank (it was late) and asked what was going on...the bank person told me where and what time of night the withdrawls were made. I knew that he and the crew had been out drinking and at "the club" no big deal, they work hard, I figured, they were playing hard....When the bank statement came, I thought I would fall out! He had spent all together (when it was all said and done) approx. 2500.00 dollars. I decided it was time to talk... all he could say was that he did not realize he'd spent that kind of money.

He did not say it would not happen again or that he was sorry. He is not a person who normally does this sort of thing. He has always treated me with love and respect and has been very good to me. He did not lie about where he was and he also told me that he and the young lady, had a nice conversation. She is a nice person, he said and also she gave him a nude photo of herself. (mind you, I'm still okey) In June he went to work in the same city and this time he spent less money, but he still went. I had a very long talk with him and he said "I didn't do anything wrong" He avoids talking about THIS, at ALL COST. He only said that it had nothing to do between he and I and that he still felt the same about our relationship. I cannot get over this and we have been bickering, just about every day. I would do everything and anything to make up to someone, that I may have hurt, if I truly loved them....I guess I could leave, but I worry about our son..he is 13. Am I just being a ***** or does anyone think that something is wrong? He is no longer attentive and sweet, I feel him very distant. My heart has been breaking since May....PLEASE, I need some advice

Answer 1

Sounds to me like he's cheating, You should let him know that if he is you're gone. He's lucky you stuck by him this long most females would be up and gone if he was out with some other chic while they were at home with the kids. you are in no way being anything but a concerned wife and you have good reasons to be so. tell 'em how it is girl!  

Answer 2

First of all, you said that your husband works out of town on occasion and in April he called and told you not to spend any money b/c there was little in the bank and later you found out it was a lot of cash.  Then you say well they work hard, they deserve it (him and his crew) and then you mention he is a nice guy who doesn't usually do this and then you mention "out of the blue" a young lady, who gave him a nude photo, that he spent time with while he was out of town.  Yes, there is something wrong with this picture.  That he will not talk about it or discuss it with you is wrong.  I know you don't want to end this relationship b/c you have a kid and you love him, but the only thing that I can suggest is counseling from a marriage counselor to help you communicate and see if there is any hope for your marriage.  Right now, there isn't.  He is no longer attentive or sweet and he has been caught in some big lies.  If he won't consider counseling, then you have no choice but to file for divorce.

Answer 3

I agree something is going on. I don't really know what to tell you to do because it's your life but if it was me I would try very hard to find out what is going on. If I couldn't get anywhere then I would say look if you can't tell me what and why this is going on then I'm gonna leave until you can figure out what you want. As far as your son goes I'm sure he will understand he is at an age that he'll be ok in the long run. I hope all goes well. Good luck!!!!!

Answer 4

WHOA WHOA WHOA!

He's cheating on you. Period.

Answer 5

Does he really think you just fell off the turn-up truck? I don't think so.

You have been raped of your trust. He owes you big time. Demand that he fesses up. It is YOUR heart, not his, that aches.

Answer 6

Hun, you're acting like a doormat. You might as well change your middle name to "Welcome".

If you have any of your own money, put it in an account in your name only and talk to an accountant about shoring up your finances for your son's sake.

You & your husband need to talk about the money issue, so get thyselves to a mediator of some sort (a finance therapist would be a good idea) and work things out. Suggest to him that you want to be clear so *both* of you are more in tune with what you're spending money on so he doesn't feel attacked, but you must must must talk about this and set some rules. Maybe even put everything except what you need for the month into savings & withdraw as each month rolls around.

You can stop this before it runs your marriage into the ground, but you have to act now.

Answer 7

I am not trying to sound insensitive, but you answered your own questions dear.  Hang in there.

Answer 8

I didn't even have to read through the whole thing (but I did) to be able to tell he's definitely cheating on you and that money you lost is most likely him buying stuff for the w***e.

Answer 9

WOW! You are okay with your husband getting drunk in another city with a woman who gives him nude photos of herself and you dont think anything is going on? Of course he feels the same about your relationship - you are a guys dream come true. Well obviously you are going to let him walk all over you, but have you thought about how NOT leaving him will effect your son? Sounds like he is spending more money than he is making out of town - how is that helping your son and the stability of your home life? What kind of example is he setting for your son? At least if you got a divorce you could get the court to order financial assistance of a certain amount. If you work and have a joint account, I would get a seperate one quickly. It could be drugs, prostitutes, gambling, etc - no telling what he is exposing you to, and he sounds like he is on the way to sending you to financial ruin. Something smells rotten here, and for your sons sake I would get to the bottom of it.

Answer 10

im not trying to be rude or anything i am just speaking from what i know...when was the last time you guys have had s*x? maybe he feels like you're not as exiting, daring or adventerous as you used to be? maybe he thinks that u have chnged and he wants that old spicey you back but he doesn't know how to deal with it. So maybe suprise him in a really nice and exiting way. Something that he'll enjoy...maybe something s**y...something he'll be like whoa! dang! and he wont want to go out and party, rather he would actually want to bring you along and partay! Get out there and have some fun with him. livge a  little....try this and if things dont change....go to couples therapy.....maybe things are his fault and hes just being a d**k?