Ladies tell me im i unreasonable?

Question

my wife is working on a production at church and that is going to be shown at the Jacksonville theater. She is responsible for the output of the production. Monday night she was at church from 7 pm after work to 3 am. After rehearsals were done being a weeknight(i assume the kids left early and the parents) she stayed back to edit the production notes and dvd's etc. I know she must have been in the company of some people or someone. I dont think she would be alone in a church building untill 230 am. So i told her im not not a control freak but i dont apprecaite her at a church untill 230 with who ever working on church stuff for the sunday production.In other words i dont think it looks right on a married lady at church woth some guy till 230 am or maybe im wrong.Or im i just being paranoid?

Answer 1

God is taking care of her

Answer 2

As one person who's been involved in theater before, including the position of the stage manager for a major play when in college, I know how much work goes into different productions, especially the week or two before the actual performance.  I can easily see how one could lose track of time and work on a production for all hours.  I wonder if she called to check in when she realized how late she was going to end up staying.  If not, perhaps she would be willing to check in with you if she's going to be staying late, or perhaps you can call to check in and see how things are going.  I have no idea if your suspicions are founded, or if you're being jealous and paranoid.  I know I don't see any problem with a married woman or man alone with another person for those hours if the reasons are innocent such as working on a production.  I do know you need work on communication with your wife.  You need to express to her how you feel without coming across as being attacking or accusing.  And you, as a couple, need to come up with some sort of compromise to ease the recent tension and feelings of anxiety.  Perhaps the checking in like I mentioned could help.  You'd be more connected to what she's doing, and she could let you know that everything's fine (as well as getting a 5 minute break).

Answer 3

Maybe shes just excited to be involved in something she finds exciting....a bit of a change, new people, an excuse not to go home...in a hurry....maybe....It may be the escape she needs. Personally Im not a paranoid person, but i would be suprised with this... and a little wary.....Youve got to think of 2sides to every story..

Give her this one,maybe two chances without saying anything. If it keeps happening....Id be getting concerned...

Just because someone is godfearing, doesnt mean they lack the messups  of a typical human....

we are all human...and there are plenty of distractions along the way.

Just be alert...and dont let it become a habit...

Answer 4

I'm a woman and engaged.

It depends on what your concern is about.  My fiance would usually get mad at me if I came home late from somewhere because.. well, of course its late.  There are crazy people in the world and anything could happen to me.  Its my safety he's concerned about.

If its cause you're suspicious about something, hmmm. I'd say you're being unreasonable.  Trust her and let her know you'd be more comfortable if you were there with her until 3am.  If it was a one time thing let it go. If not, you've got to open up the lines of communication.  Think it through.

Answer 5

Paranoid! You should of been there with her!

Answer 6

I'm a guy... and you are being unreasonable.

Marriage is about trust... if you don't trust her, you should be married to her.

Answer 7

Yup youre being pretty unreasonable. Your wife has a huge responsibility by helping out with this and so what if she had to stay really late one night? Why are you so concerned with how things could look to other people? How about instead of getting caught up in her staying out late WORKING, how about praising her for a job well done? Shes probably really excited and happy to have this kind of project in her life, dont ruin it. its not going to last forever

Answer 8

Eeee...that's a toughy.  I wouldn't appreciate my husband assuming I was there with a man.  You MUST find out who she was there with until you jump to conclusions, then take it from there.  If it was, in face, another man, then you can tell her "I may be unreasonable here but I just wanted to let you know that it makes me feel uncomfortable that you were at church so late at night with ______...can we talk about that?"  She may have been alone, with other women, etc.  

Answer 9

this sounds like a one time event, not necessarily a problem with that.  

not unreasonable at all and she should also be considerate and explain to you who's there, what they're working on and invite you to attend.

just see what happens.  if anything is going on more late night work nights will follow.  if not then i wouldnt worry about it.  

Answer 10

Ya, lighten up.  

Answer 11

I can respect the fact that you would not want her alone in the church by herself that late at night.  But if someone is with her, who cares.  You know she has a lot on her plate.  If you are not trusting her, why aren't you trusting her?  Maybe that is the issue at hand to deal with?

Do you ever work late? It is church remember...not saying that they don't cheat but I think the percentage goes down a bit vs an office,.

Answer 12

No that's to late usually that make plans ahead of time so they can span out the work coming home from an empty church so you say at 2:30 am would be a problem for me everyone in the church is not necessarily holy as we all know.

Answer 13

You are not really being unreasonable at all.  I would agree with you completely.  For safety sake, it is not a good idea to be alone.  If there is a male present, there is safety in a party of three.  It is a matter of putting a hedge in front of temptation and human nature.  

In the words of the great author Jerry Jenkins (Hedges, co-author of the Left Behind Series) 'Take care of how it looks, and that takes care of how it is'.

Answer 14

NO U R NOT WRONG,IVE NEVER HERD OF ANY ONE STAYING AT A CHURCH TO REHEARSE THAT LATE,,SOUNDS LIKE SHES DOING MORE THAN REHEARSING,,GO CK HER OUT,DONT WAIT TILL SHE SAYS ITS OVER IM IN LOVE WITH MY CHURCH,,,PEACE

Answer 15

I'll tell you like I told my parents when I was 16.  Ahem, (done in a whiny voice) but Mooooom!! I could just as easily get in trouble at 12 noon as I could at 12 midnight!! But whhhhhhhhhyyy can't I stay out?? Please moooom, please!?!

Mark my words, if I'm ever dumb enough to get married again it won't be to another daddy.  I'm grown.  I make my own decisions and you don't own me. Nana nana nana

Answer 16

I think thats totally reasonable. She should at least have gotten in touch with you regularly and let you know that she was okay/who she was with. I would suspect cheating if I were you.

Answer 17

you are unreasonable, go be with her so she isn't alone and she can get her job done.

Answer 18

nobody can really answer this question but you.

it's just how well you know your wife... only bc she said she's at church doesn't mean she was but you can't just say she wasn't... you know her the best... we don't know her at all this might be not the help your looking for but it's very true  

Answer 19

As a man who is in a successful, 22 year long marriage, I can assure you that, despite the naysayers, is certainly is important to avoid even the appearance of impropriety in marriage.  Although you are also probably a little paranoid, you are also right.

Answer 20

A bit unreasonable.  You don't know who she was working with.  Could be a group of women.  Maybe you should go help her the next time she works late.  Offer to help her and see what her reaction is.  

Answer 21

maybe she's banging some priest

Answer 22

You are being paranoid!!  You are basically telling her that you don't trust her!

Answer 23

Was this a one time thing??  I think it's entirely possible to be there working until 3 but that's just me.

If this was a one time thing, then just let it go.   If this has been an ongoing thing, then there might be a problem.  

Answer 24

i would say you are in your right to tell her thats unreasonable!

Answer 25

Do you not trust your wife?

Has your wife given you any reason to mistrust her?

I could possibly understand your concern if she has a history of creating doubt and insecurity BUT - if she has been a good, faithful wife, I do not understand the anxiety.

Communicate with your wife with an open mind....It sounds like this production - and the welfare of her church - is very important to her.

Answer 26

I'll be one of the minority and side with you on this one.  I don't feel you're being unreasonable - I would feel exactly the same way you're feeling.

Sure, it's a little paranoid, but I don't think it's wrong.  I feel you should avoid situations where you'd alone with people of the opposite s*x when you're married, unless it's absolutely necessary.  It can lead to temptations, and disrespect for your marriage and union.

Good luck.

Answer 27

A little unreasonable but I can see a valid concern for safety.

Answer 28

sounds to me like you have trust issues if you can't trust your wife to be at church without you. i don't know how religious you are but in my opinion, church would be the last place i would choose to have an affair at. talking calmly about your insecurities with your wife will probably solve your trust problems. good luck

Answer 29

calm down and relax that kind of work takes a long time to get done...ya it may not look right but a lot of things in life dont look right i.e. if you went to lunch with a female co worker and some one saw the 2 of you alone there that knew your wife and told her..you wasn't doing anything wrong just looked that way...relax she married you.