Ladies... what do you think about this bizzare way I'm acting??

Question

This is a ridiculous question... but I wonder if I'm the only one or if its something that's normal.....

For some time now... whenever my man and I are *intimate*... afterwards, I cry. Not tears of joy either. I dunno how to describe it... or why. I just upsets me...I just feel miserable, mentally and emotionally. I don't want this to be the case tho... I want it to be better.

What is wrong w/ me??!!

Have u ever felt this way??

What could I do to make it better?

Answer 1

Sounds like you have some emotional stress deep down somewhere.

This could be anything at all, the loss of someone close years ago that you never really grieved, or even the daily disappointments of life all added up.

It seems like you love and trust your hubby so much that you are really getting close to your inner self at these times.

When we get deeply intimate with someone else we open up all sorts of parts of our mind and emotional existence that maybe we aren't even aware of ~ and that can bring up old stuff we've tucked away.

It's a bit like opening cupboard doors you locked a long time ago, and stuff spilling out in a big mess.

The folks at the link below are friendly, helpful and non-judgemental. It's a free service and you can remain anonymous.

Why not consider giving them a call?

Best wishes :-)

Answer 2

i felt like this to. i never cried. i did once and it was crazy. but when i feel the way u explain its when im not in the mood and i really dont want to do it but i do just to please him and make him happen. befor you two start to get intamate just grab his hand and bring it twards ur intamate area. do some foreplay. and eat ice cream :}

Answer 3

Your question isn't ridiculous. It's interesting and important. You didn't really give us enough information to really be able to answer it though. There are a few possibilities so I'll run through them.

Crying after s*x is quite common and can happen for a number of reasons. Many people cry after s*x because s*x is a very intimate, cathartic, emotional experience. You are sharing yourself with another in the deepest way possible. Your emotional guards are down and you become completely vulnerable. s*x also breaks down ego barriers. You may feel like you loose yourself in the experience. It can feel like a kind of death. Grief and fear can arise.

Our society teaches us to feel a great deal of shame about our sexuality, especially for women. This can make us feel dirty, wrong, evil, sinful, etc., after s*x. If you feel a great deal of shame about sexuality, I recommend you read books on Tantra and ancient religion. "When God was a Woman" by Merlin Stone is a good one. It helped me a great deal to realize that sexual shame is not innate, but rather a learned feeling that is culturally and religiously enforced. It wasn't always this way and it isn't this way for all people. It doesn't have to be this way for you.

You may also feel that you no longer love him in the same way. Perhaps you are fooling him and yourself. If you have been together for some time, then it is normal to not feel the same excitement and fluttery feelings you once did. This is OK. Relationships change and there are many kinds of love. Love also takes effort sometimes. You can't fly from infatuation to infatuation and hope to be happy. Eventually you have to let that go and move toward deeper levels of love. You begin to love them differently and that's acceptable. If, however, your relationship is abusive (emotionally or physically) or completely hollow, it isn't worth staying. A therapist should be able to help you discern what is going on here if these reasons are behind your tears.

If your partner isn't paying attention to your needs, if he approaches you like a mastubatory device and you get little or no pleasure from intimacy, that could also explain your crying. If this is the case, I recommend  again books on Tantra. Share them with him and ask him to try some of the first exercises with you. Usually beginning tantra has to do with synchronizing your breathing and exploring each other in a non-sexual way, with no expectations. It can help to redirect his goal orientedness into a more connected lovemaking where he is able to give and receive and you are too. If he's resistant to this, then you need to leave. No good relationship can come when one or both partners are selfish and callous. There is someone better matched for you out there. Move on.

Another possibility is that you may have issues with a history of sexual abuse. This is exceedingly common. If you are a survivor of sexual abuse it would make a lot of sense for you to have negative emotions bubble up during and after s*x. Healing from sexual abuse takes a lot of self work, a supportive network of friends and family, an understanding, loving, patient and kind relationship and professional help. It can also take many years, possibly a lifetime to resolve the complex issues and emotions involved.

Our bodies and minds are fundamentally interconnected. The way neurons form connections has a lot to do with memory building and maintenance. When we are traumatized, part of what happens is our bodies, our neurons form connections that when reactivated trigger emotional and physical responses. So if you were abused, even if you have little or no conscious memory of that abuse, your body and your mind will respond to any stimuli that reminds it of the initial abuse as if that abuse is happening again. This is a normal response to an abnormal trauma and it can be healed. You body can learn to form new associations with sexual touch. To do so you would have to work with a therapist who specializes in working with survivors of sexual abuse and who uses a behavioral approach as one of the treatment modalities. It's complex to go into here but basically behavioral treatment consists of exposing the person to the stimulus that causes discomfort and consciously redirecting the emotional state so that eventually the patient learns to associate positively with the once-painful stimulus. It's about reconditioning the neuro-circuitry, to sort of pave over the old connections between s*x and emotional pain with new connections between s*x and pleasure, joy, connectedness, etc.

Lastly, s*x can simply remind us of our humanity, our utter frailty and vulnerability, our inevitable death. s*x opens us up to risk, to disease, pregnancy, broken hearts, loss... s*x is how we are all formed. It is the genesis of life, but just as s*x gives form to our physical bodies, it seals our fate. Everything that is born, dies. There is tremendous grief in this. Sometimes this understanding emerges for us on an emotional level and we simply crack open. We begin to grieve for ourselves, for each other, for the suffering and the joy of the human condition. We realize that we are temporary, that we are so small in this Great Mystery. We feel annihilated by this knowledge and we simply mourn. This is so healthy, especially if you turn and face into it consciously. To make peace with our mortality, to accept our utter ignorance of how and why we are here, to open ourselves up to Mystery and to stand in humble awe... There is nothing more freeing, nor more terrifying.

So, your tears are normal. They are inviting you to take a journey of healing of self discovery, of wonder, of connection and of letting go. You are being invited into deeper parts of yourself and into deeper parts of life. Go with it. Surrender. Trust. In that you may find peace.  

Answer 4

I honestly have no clue.  I sometimes cry afterwards too, but it is more because of feeling so close to my husband.  I am truthfully not sure what you should do.  Are you having problems in your marriage of any kind?

Answer 5

it's probably because you're insecure that your relationship won't last, or maybe because you know he's been that intimate with other women before so nothing makes it special for only you two

Answer 6

If you can think of absolutely no reason why you would feel upset in general or linked with s*x then it could be depression? Depression is where everything is perfectly fine and normal yet you feel like a heavy opressing cloud is over you.

Answer 7

There is nothing wrong with you it is just the way some women react after o****m.

The french refer to it as 'le petit mort' or 'the little death'.

Some women are left close to fainting, others elated others like yourself melancholy. It soon passes as blood flow in the brain returns to normal.

Answer 8

Nooo I've had the same feelings afterward. Its normal. Its almost like I feel guilty, or maybe he pushed me into being intimate and I gave in. Blah, if he makes you feel uncomfortable either break it off or let him know that somethings bothering you. I'm sure if you tell him it will take 10x the stress off of you.

Answer 9

You sound depressed ...or maybe your stressed ?

Idk If this will help , but when I'm depressed ...which is pretty much always ...for the last couple years...when I do something out of the ordinary  , or something fun or something that makes me happy , like  a compliment or anything really...It makes me feel worse...I just feel like sh*t ...even watching movies...idk .