Ladies who've been divorced and been in 3+ year relationships....?

Question

I was dating my boyfriend for 3 years, we lived together half of that time. I am 25 years old, he is 30. Long story short, he cheated and lied constantly... that isn't the point, the point is, its to the point where I need to move on. The problem is...this is the person who I swore was the one. We talked about marriage, kids, etc. We seem so good together, its so strange to imagine him not in my life.... I can't imagine moving on...but I guess I have to try. I don't want more stress and I think it'll be years before he learns to be faithful and actually wants to settle down with a commitment.

So, the question, HOW do you move on from someone you began a life with and believed 110% he was THE one... and he still seems like it....but I want a marriage and kids, he doesn't now...and he has lied and hurt me so much I don't think the trust can be repaired....what are things you do to move on?

Answer 1

I'm so sorry for you. I was also with someone with whom we'd planned our entire future, was totally my soul mate, we were together for years (though both of us married) I gto divorced and as he was going through his got cold feet and is still with his wife - ouch!  It is painful but I know that now I will find someone who I can trust and who will love me - and ONLY me!  You are young and will surely find someone much more worthy of your love - don't suffer any more with mr cheater/lier.

Answer 2

Just remember that you are not the one to blame for the failed relationship, and learn from your experience.  It seems hard and hurts right now, but in time you will be fine.

You sound like a sweet person, his loss!

ML

Answer 3

Be glad you found out how he really felt now instead of after you married him. I got married after I got pregnant with out first child (I told him while we were dating I wanted three) while we were engaged. He was in the military and cheated on me while he was in Korea. I forgave him and we moved on, when I became pregnant with our second child I will never forget telling him he looked like someone had punched him in the stomach then when we were alone to discus it he told me ”you have options” I said no there is only one option having this child! She was a year old when I finally left after much mental abuse and he was boarding on physical abuse even his own father feared he was headed toward crossing that line.

As to how to move on Take it one day at a time one minute at a time. Concentrate on yourself and DONOT rush into another relationship just to be with someone. Give yourself time to heal please; my mother has always said you must love yourself before anyone else can love you. If you need to talk further you can e-mail me, I hope this has helped you.

God Bless

Answer 4

A strong woman knows when it's time to end things.

Answer 5

Girl.....PRAISE GOD you DID NOT MARRY HIM.  Saved you even more of a heartbreak.  Listen, if a man wants you, NOTHING can keep him away, if he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.  DO NOT SETTLE.  All what you feel....are real feelings, just redirect it towards a man that's capable of giving you the same in return.  25 yrs old...you still have a long life time of happiness with endless opportunites of "good" men.  He is a man, nothing more nothing less, NEVER let him define who you are.  Repaired, nope,..you will have to walk away and let go 110%.  Keep your head up, keep yourself busy.  If he truly loves you....he will come back to you running full force as the "right man".  He mistreats you b/c you allow him you.  You fall for the guilt trips and manipulation b/c he knows you love him (your weakness).  Trust me, I have been where you are.  And that sh*t hurts....it hurts like h*ll.  For me, he was my husband, so my guard were down "thinking and believing" in broken dreams and empty promises.. Last, DON'T commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.  You can keep him in your radar, but get to know others....he aint the only "d"..Good luck and stay stong

Answer 6

Honey, I've been married 3 times. Of course this wasn't planned.  2 of them, I was sure, they were the one!! Especially the first one.

None of them were.  I've had may boyfriends, whom I thought could be the ONE.......but weren't.

It was easy for me to move on though, because I was in very abusive relationships. I had to move on to stay alive and save the lives of my children too.

You will always have him in your heart, but your heart also knows you need better.  You just either pack your stuff and go, or ask him to leave.  You know you deserve better.

Answer 7

Don't take the advice of meeting someone new. That will only complicate things for you and the new guy. I think in time, after your heart has recovered you should date again, but until then, lay low and rediscover yourself. What do YOU like to do for fun? What do YOU want out of life? What do YOU want? Rediscover who YOU are. You have been in a long term relationship where you thought it was going toward the rest of your life and now it's over, in the blink of an eye........I feel for you. I would focus on ME tho. Not anyone else. Make YOURSELF happy now. Not anyone else. Go out with your friends, laugh, cry, have a blast. Life is too short to be in mouring over a loved one forever. And yes a relationship of this magnitude constitutes as mourning when it ends. Mourn and move on with YOUR life. I wish you the best sweetie!!

Answer 8

I can tell you that it's not easy at first, but it gets better! In a year or so, when you are with a GOOD man, you will look back and wonder what the #ell was wrong with you for sticking with that guy! LOL Trust me....it will happen. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 9

Girl I know EXACTLY how this feels but let me just tell you this My ex husband I convinced him to get married and in my heart I swore he was the one he also cheated and lied SO much when we were dating. And guess what I found out I didn't love myself enough to open my eyes and see I deserved so much better then that. The one would never cheat and lie he would make you feel like you were his ONE too. Now after my divorce I'm finally with someone who I don't need to say is the one I just know he would never hurt me in that way and I know that I deserve everything he does after being with someone who wasn't in 50% the one. But it's up to you to open your eyes ALOT of other guys out there who won't cheat or lie what would that be like.  

Answer 10

any person can be the one, it depends on what we want @ the time. worry more about what you like 2 do by Urself, then add people. this will allow you 2 have fun then pick & choose a person or two that may be worth building sumthing with. you have plenty of time.