Last question...then, I am married!?

Question

So, the nut thing went okay my fiance stood up for me and I won. If there are nuts at the tables I get my wedding party to throw them away but the drama continues. Tonight was my rehersal dinner and tonight my fiances PARENTS were blatently and openly rude to my family. My fiance was aghasted and apologized continuously but didnt want to confront his mother so I dropped the issue until the morning...Here are some of the things that they did:

1. His mother wanted to be seated last(traditional mother of the bride honor) and took this position without my knowledge( I was in the back room with my bridal party. She knows however, because she is studying to be a wedding planner. I didnt find this out til my mother called me in tears tonight and that really insults me

2. My mother and my bridal party all thanked Cody mom(because his parents did the rehersal dinner) and she didnt even acknowledge them. I was here for this.It was like talking to a wall

3. During the rehersal we were injecting humor and Codys mom stares straight at me and is like 'This is a serious matter and your family isnt taking is seriously.

4. The joking you hurt my sister I will hurt you from my brother who is giving me away. My brother and Cody know each other and Cody KNEW it was a joke however, his mom went off the deep end about it.

5. I arrived at the church and was going to do some things with Cody but his mom (who was supposed to be handling the whole rehersal dinner) told me that I had to make cheese cakes and then seperated me and Cody.

6. Our rehersal was supposed to be blue jeans but his mom had to dress for it and tried to make Cody dress for it. ( he told her no way!) and she still showed up wearing her Sunday Best.

7.She repeatedly SNUBBED me the whole night.

8. When the pastor asked me about a decision regarding how people were going to walk in she piped up and then i had to look at the pastor and tell him NO this is how it is going to be.Then she tried to change allot of things after i set them up

My mother has joked that my uncle is bringing her bail money in case she needs it tomorrow and I told her that if it came to it then i would be the first one being hauled away. Even my quiet nonconfrontational cousin(maid of honor) knew that it was wrong and said she had a list of people she would go after. How do i deal with this situation?!?!?! I need answers tonight because the wedding is tomorrow! My fiance has apologized to everyone in my family and is SO MAD! so he is doing his part... you dont need to attack him. but feedback would be nice

I am calling her the MIL from h**l

Answer 1

You have the MIL from h**l.  Fortunately for you Cody isn't defending her.  It's your day, don't let her ruin it.  Try to ignore her.  And tell others to ignore her.  

Answer 2

Have your attendants run interference with the old bat.  Also call the pastor first thing in the morning explaining the situation to him and ask if he can help keep her away from everything.  I'm thinking that maybe he could ask her to stay with the groom right up until it's time for her to walk in and also ask him to remind her that the brides mother gets seated last etc.....  Hopefully he'll be able and willing to help you.  You can have one of the ushers need her help in tying the tie, tightening the cummerbunds etc...., look for needle/thread for loose buttons, get them to send her on wild goose chases all over the church to look for something the groom really must have - like the rings, yeah, the ones that are in the best mans pockets <wink wink>

You can actually have some fun at her expense this way.

Just relax and enjoy your day she can't ruin it unless you let her.

Answer 3

what a B*!

well my fiance said that until recently he didn't know that weddings could be fun because weddings in his family aren't. some people think that a wedding is supposed to be a very somber occasion where everyone really thinks about the promise that they are making to each other and to God...maybe your future mother in law is in that group?

maybe she's one of those "she's taking my baby" types?

what's her problem?!

good luck tomarrow

Answer 4

Is she normally like this, or is it just the wedding?  Maybe it's something about 'losing' her 'baby boy'.  

Try to let it go, as much as you can.  Take a deep breath and hope that since the rehearsal everyone knows where they're supposed to be and what they're supposed to do and that they won't let her derail the train.  She's going to do what she's going to do, and I'm sure people who figure out what's up.  Try to ignore her as much as possible tomorrow, and don't give her the spotlight.  She's looking for a response.  Fortunately for you your soon to be hubby sees what's happening but he's as helpless at this moment as you are.  

Go soak in a bubble bath and get some sleep!

Congrats and enjoy your day!

Answer 5

It's your wedding day, and you're the bride. You need someone to advocate for you to make sure the MIL from h**l stays out of the way and in her 'place.' It's an awkward situation, to say the least. You love your family and don't want to see them hurt and your fiance obviously has the best intentions at heart by trying to smooth things over. Now is not the time and place to put everyone through their paces at this late a date, so I suggest having someone, your maid of honour or whoever, be aware of what the plans of the day are and ask if they can stay on top of things so they don't mysteriously change on you at the hands of the MIL. It's supposed to be a happy day for both you and your families!

Answer 6

Wow, what a rude, arrogant woman! I know everyone will probably say 'let it go' but I wouldn't. I would have your fiance to call her and tell her how she's upset you and your family and that if she can't keep her mouth shut tomorrow and play nice, that she should forget about even showing up. She has no right to ruin your wedding day. She IS the MIL FROM h**l!

Answer 7

Well, let's hope that tomorrow in front of her friends and family she will act like a lady and not a raving lunatic.

The last thing that should be on your mind is how your MIL is going to act. You can't worry about it because even if you knew what was going to happen you probably couldn't stop it. It doesn't sound like anyone can stop her to easily.

Nothing should ruin this day - but it sounds like that is what she is trying to do. I bet you that she will be on her best behavior tomorrow; but just in case you can maybe have a signal with one of the bridesmaids if you see his mother doing something that you feel is inappropriate. This way they can hopefully take care of the situation before anything to serious happens.

I would also call your mother and talk with her. Tell her how much you love her and that no matter who gets seated first everyone is going to know that she is the mother of the bride...and you just want to see her smiling as you walk down the aisle.

There isn't much that you can do to about his mom now accept let it go. Just imagine yourself walking down the aisle towards your future husband. You will see him - and he will see you; it will be like no one else is in the room.

Enjoy your day and try not to worry. Let whatever happens happen. If you worry about it and nothing happens then you will be all stressed out about nothing. Focus on yourself and enjoying your day. It honestly goes by way to quickly.  

Answer 8

I am sometimes the type of person that will cut off everything in situations like this especially if I know that it has to do w/ my or someone that I loves happiness

Personally ~ me I would pick up the phone and call the mother to tell her the wedding is off unless she controls her controlling confrontational rude self

Tell her that we are all going to be family and that this will happen weather she is there or not but right now you are calling the entire thing off unless she cooperates being pleasant esp to your family members respecting your wedding

Also, let her know that if she can't do this then you will arrange another date for your wedding and this date she will not be allowed to attend

Chances are she will straighten up at least until the next project you have that she wants to control ie first grandbaby you give her

Poor Thing Bless your Heart

Hopefully you will have a MOST AMAZING MARRIAGE even if your wedding might not be the most amazing

Congratulations!!!

Answer 9

you need to talk with her now and let her know how you feel because if you don't do it now she will never stop and she will keep doing it for years to come.

Answer 10

Your MIL is the Mil from h**l!!! She sounds likes she has to be the center of attention and is trying to make your day about her. Kudos to your fiance for standing up for you. I suggest not seeing her unless you have to in the future and keep her away from your family since she obviously doesn't think much of them. Good luck to you and your marriage. It sounds like that it will be a battle but remember that in your and your hubby's household,  you two get the final say on everything.

Answer 11

She sounds like an inconsiderate ****.  Clearly your family is a lot more laid back and fun than Cody's and she's all about appearances.  The fact that she chose to dress up just shows that she is trying to separate herself from everyone else as if she is of a higher class.  People like that usually aren't good at showing affection or happiness and don't usually allow people into their little circle of the family.

You will probably never fit in with her as you are not blood.  The most important thing is that Cody has stood up for you and that the two of you are a team.  And tomorrow, the two of you are a new family.  

Do not let her ruin your day.  Have other people handle things with her such as your mother being the one to walk in last.  Have your maid of honor or the best man tell her that the bride and groom have already arranged the order of entry and that the bride's mother is last.  Period.  Do not deal with her or let her get under your skin.  You are marrying Cody.  You win.

And please, take my advice on this next part - Cody has already realized what a beast his mom is.  You do not need to attack her...let him do it and just agree in a supportive manner with every once in a while saying something along the lines of "we have to remember that even though sometimes she hurts our feelings, she doesn't mean to be malicious or hurtful."  This will cause him to continue on his own conclusions about her and you will not be the bad guy.  

Even when families are being jerks, people still don't want to hear it from 'outsiders' - I don't mean that in a bad way, but it's kind of like if you ever complain about Cody to a girlfriend about something that he did, and probably your good friends would kind of defend him and tell you to cut him some slack.  Take a cue from that.  If you are the one pushing him away from his family it may work, but he will resent you for it in the long run, so don't take the bait on that.  Be strong and defend yourself with them (and have a little fun playing with his tightly wound mother!) but don't be the wedge between them.  It will not serve you well in the long run.

Enjoy your day tomorrow.  Don't worry about the MIL from h**l...many people have them and we survive.  And you and Cody will too!    

Answer 12

thats so weird im getting married tomorrow too!!!!! and like you am having tons of issues with the other side of the family.

BEST thing you can do- IGNORE IT. do what you want to do and pretend whatever they are saying or doing is not really happening. just ignore it. i know it will be hard for a minute- but trust me it will get very easy very fast once you see how much better it can make you feel. at this point so close to the wedding there is nothing you can do to 100% resolve the situation. tell everyone who is getting offended to just ignore it as well. people only act like this to get a reaction and when no reactions are gotten they usually stop.

goodluck and congrats to us both huh?! :)

Answer 13

Too much d**n drama

This is no joke

Both parents acting up ?

You are going to have one helluva ride !

This is your day..they must behave & respect you

get these idiots together & demand respect or suffer consequences later

Speak firmly to the nuts

How dare they ruin one of the most important day in your life

If this crazy behavior controls..limit your vivits with them !

Answer 14

Things are truly at a boiling point.  It will not take much at all to have an all out brawl on your wedding day, and you don't want that.  You need to get through the day, however you can.  Take care of your Mom, as she is really feeling upset.  Be nice to her tomorrow.  Give her kisses and tell her what a great Mom she has been.  You two getting along and encouraging each other will do a lot to unite you and make you feel safe, strong, and less vulnerable.  Your Pastor is also on your side.  Pastors deal with weddings and out of control MIL's all the time.  He knows just from her requests and the "feel" at the rehearsal that your MIL is a handful, even if you haven't told him about her.  Tomorrow, he is in control of the ceremony as it happens.  He knows what you want, what should happen, and who to keep a lid on.

So the time before the wedding is going to be ok- you and your Mom are going to be supporting each other.  You can look at each other and smile, knowing you are getting through the day together.  The ceremony will be ok- because the Pastor is in control.  Everything has been rehearsed, your requests have been heard and done.  The only up in the air part is the reception.  If you can keep it together for that, greet your guests, be nice, and be the beautiful bride you are, you will have a good day.  There is no point in loosing control tomorrow.  You want the day to go well, and have good memories.  Your future husband is on your side.  He supports you.  That counts for more than anything.  After tomorrow you will go on your honeymoon, and everyone will have a chance to chill.  When you come back from the honeymoon, you can let 'er rip.    

Answer 15

Hi Sarah:

I am SO SORRY!  I am glad the "nut thing" got worked out.  (I was one of the ones who said...have your bridal party throw them away!)  Oh....why do I have the sneaky suspicion that there will be nuts at your reception tomorrow!!

Anyway....what is done is done.  Please try to de-stress.  Have someone give you a back massage and take a couple of Tylenol!  You need to put this lady out of your head.

What she has done is a reflection of HER (and I hope your Cody knows that.)  I feel for him too.....having to run around apologizing for his mom!  Tell him to de-stess also.  

Tomorrow you are marrying your sweetheart.  Then, I would suggest to MOVE AWAY from the MIL from h**l!  

Seriously, though, I hope your wedding day is beautiful and that you have a happy marriage.

Good luck to you and Cody

Answer 16

get your fiance to ring her up and blast her and threaten her that she will not be welcome at the wedding tomorrow if she doesnt shape up.

it has to come from him.

if he is REALLY unwilling to do this, then you do it. Or get someone else to do it.

just tell her - - - - fix up your behavior - or dont come tomorrow and miss your sons own wedding. you decide - you be rude and betray your son - or you be nice and civil and let my wedding be a good one!  

Answer 17

Well, its clear she doesnt like your family. So you can either argue silently, or you can be open about it. Theres no reason to deal with it and pretend its not going on. Go ahead an confront her, and dont feel bad about it either. Its your wedding, not hers. Its your special day. Dont let her try and ruin that for you.

Answer 18

This is your wedding not MIL from h**l's if she doesn't go along with your wishes let her know she Will not be a part of the wedding party you are the bride and have all the say in the world on your wedding day. tell her that she is rude and her opinion is not appreciated especially towards your family on her sons special day. She can get mad and hold it against you but make her understand that it is your wedding and not hers. If you let her get away with all this before you get married she will treat you he same way your whole life , stand up for yourself now or you will regret it forever.