Latino(a)s: What do you think of my poem, written in spanish? Learning!!?

Question

I have written this poem in spanish

I have been learning spanish for five years. Simple poem.

What do you think, coming from native speakers. American. seventeen years old.

No te vayas, mi amor

porque te quiero mucho

cuando esta fria afuera

Y veo tu sonreia, me hace caliente

Cuando estas a mi lado

me siento que no hay nadie

que pueda dejar de mi

Cuando tu mano toca mi cara

como sopla el viento

en un fresco, otono dia

suavemente se movimiento

con las olas

Para expresar mi amor para ti

no es posible,cuando no estas aqui conmigo

me duele el corazon para ti.

quiero que estes en mis brazos

Y que me digas que me ames

que no hay un otro hombre que tu admiras mas

Por favor, no te vayas, eres mi amor

y todo lo que es mejor en mi.

Answer 1

Corrections are between [ ] symbols

No te vayas, mi amor

porque te quiero mucho

cuando [está] [frio] afuera

Y veo tu [sonrisa], [siento tu calor]

Cuando [estás] a mi lado

[--] siento que no hay nadie

que [se] pueda [alejar] de [mí]

Cuando tu mano toca mi cara

como sopla el viento

en un fresco, otono dia

suavemente se movimiento

con las olas

[---] Expresar mi amor [por] ti

no es posible,cuando no [estás] [aquí] conmigo

me duele el [corazón] [por] ti.

quiero que [estés] en mis brazos

Y que me digas que me [amas]

que no hay un otro hombre que tu admiras [más]

Por favor, no te vayas, eres mi amor

y todo lo que es mejor en mi.

//////////////////////////////////////...

It´s a very romantic poem. Excellent for a 17 years old american kid. You see, you are practicing/learning spanish and i am practicing/learning english at yahoo answers. That´s the way life is: you are trying to know something i know and i am trying to learn something you know. I think some people call it KNOWLEDGE (LOL) Do not hear the people who criticize you for learning spanish. 400 million people speaks spanish and you need a way to communicate (and make money) with them. You are on the right track.

By the way, you need to fix the third paragraph, cause doesn´t make any sense.

Hope this helps......

Answer 2

In general it's good but you have some "problemas." 1st stanza line 3 should be "cuando hace frio afuera" and in line  4 the word is "sonrisa."

Second stanza line 3 should be "que pudiera dejarme" assuming you mean "who could not leave me."

Stanza 3, line 3, should be "en un dia fresco, en el otono" lines 4 and 5 don't make sense, but I think you are trying to say "suavemente se mueve/ con las olas"

Stanza 4 I would have said "No es posible expresar mi amor para ti/ cuando no estas aqui conmigo."

Those are the only problems I was able to find. I get the general idea, and your mistakes are typical of one who's first language is English.

hope that helps!

Answer 3

GO LIVE IN MEXICO  IF YOU ARE IN AMERICA SPEAK ENGLISH I AM TIRD OF LISTING TO SPANISH WHEN I CALL THE BANK

Answer 4

woah very good grammar! congrats!! just a few details to make ur poem even better:

cuando esta friO afuera

Y veo tu sonrISA, me PONE caliente

... siento que no hay nadie

en un fresco  DIA de otoÑo

suavemente se  VA MOVIENDO

Para expresar mi amor POR ti

me duele el corazon POR ti.

Y que me digas que me amAs

que no hay NINGUN otro hombre que tu admiras mas

y todo lo --- mejor en mi.

the rest is all perfect :)

Answer 5

awww that is such a cute poem

quienes tu amor?

uh~oh get it. lmao

this is a really cute poem

Answer 6

Your poem seems quite romantic. Very Good!

Answer 7

Aww, :].  And, if the person speaks English, stop criticizing their desire to  speak a second language, geeze.  

Anyway, a few minor errors, but its understandable.  :]  English is my native language, and I STILL mess it up constantly :p, so don't get discouraged by errors while writing in a second language