Law on open adoption?

Question

My daughter is going hrough a hard time of late one of the conditions is that she gets letters from my granddaughter , she reseves one then replyes so on , but the first one is two mouths over due , now her social worker has said that she can write the first one but she is not allowed to put from mum or anything that may give her id away . Is there any way she can get around this.

Only nice replyes please she is beating herself up as it is

Answer 1

How tragic.  )-:  Unfortunately Possum is right.  Your daughter may have very little legal recourse.  My heart goes out to her and to you.

Answer 2

i would advise her to contact the citizens advice bureau, how old is your grandaughter? i think if she is 16 then she is allowed to find her birth mother.  maybe your daughter could speak to the social worker and let her know how this is upsetting her.

Answer 3

Sadly 'Open Adoption' in most U.S. states is not covered under law. Meaning - the adoptive parents can decide not to keep the adoption 'Open' if they don't want to.

I have heard of many many cases where mother's that have given up their children to adoption - and were told that the adoptive parents would keep the adoption 'Open' - have been burned - and have been left without any contact at all.

Check carefully with what was signed - and if necessary - talk to a lawyer if you can. But as I said - mostly it is not a 'law' - just an agreement.

I hope and pray that this is not what is happening - but just wanted to let you know - to prepare your daughter for the worst case scenario.

Talk more with the social worker also - perhaps she can give you some insight into the situation.

I'm sorry that she's going through this. It must be very very painful to go through.

Answer 4

That stinks.  

I assume that letters are being exchanged through the SW?  

Is her child a newborn, or an older child?

She needs to write two letters. One to the child's parents, expressing her acceptance of their place in her daughter's life, and her gratitude that they are there to take care of her child.  She needs to make it very non threatening, referring to the child as their daughter, not her daughter and making it very clear that she respects that they are the parents now.  This letter is NOT about her feelings... it's about establishing a relationship with the parents of her child, and at this point it is about making them feel secure.  Just about anything could set them off at this point, and cause them to refuse contact, especially if they are feeling insecure in their role as parents.  She should sign this letter with an initial.

The second letter needs to be to her daughter, presented in such a way that the parents can read it to her, or give ti to her when they feel it is appropriate.  This letter will not be private, the parents will certainly read it. It should refer to the adoptive parents as "your parents". It should detail (not graphically but in general terms) the reasons she decided to place her daughter, express her love, tell her if she was given a name before she was placed, and what it was, and be signed "from your birthmother"

As long as letters are being exchanged through the agency or SW, she can't get around the  no id information.  In most states she has no legal rights or standing where this is concerned.

I will tell you that that first letter to a birthmom is nearly impossible to write.  There is so much emotion and so much happening, and you are trying to cope with a lack of sleep and keeping up with taking care of a baby, and it took me almost three months to write my first letter. (Mind you, I ONLY wrote that letter because the agency required that a certain number of letters be transfered through them.  His mom and I were on the phone and the computer regularly.  Putting pen to paper was the hard part.)

Hopefully, once the ball gets rolling, she will have more regular contact with the parents of her daughter.  She should ask her SW if she could get a blind e-mail account, like g-mail, or yahoo, or hotmail, that could be passed to the family, and if they would be willing to get a similar account to keep in touch.