Learned Helplessness in 3rd Grader...He calls himself stupid at school and gives up?

Question

Definition found on web "Learned helplessness is a severe problem and needs to be fixed. The causes are by how parents and or teachers respond to children's failures and successes. If humans feel as though they can not control their environment this lack of control will impair learning in certain situations. The effects of learned helplessness is a lack of self-confidence, poor problem solving, wandering attention and feeling hopeless. This might set children behind in academic subjects and damper social skills. Another issue is that learned helpless children are extrinsicly motivated and not so much intrinsicly motivated because of their failures. A child suffering from learned helplessness will ultimately give up gaining respect through academic performance an turn to other domains for solace."

Anyone else have a child dealing with this and how did you turn the thought process around and help your child?

Answer 1

Praise the effort, not the result.  Don't overpraise either; kids know when something is called "wonderful" that really isn't, then they start to question the whole point of trying.  Use phrases like "you must be proud of yourself" when they do really well to build the feeling that they have to be the judge of their own efforts.

Answer 2

Start off easy and work your way up. Build his confidence by giving him lots of praise and a little constructive criticism. Don't expect a miracle, these things take time. If you are the parent then find something he likes and help him learn through it.

For example- he likes cars and ramps? Build a ramp together and show him how the angle affects the speed of the car.

He likes computers? Get some fun learning games.

If you are the teacher then one on one with a helper or yourself will really benefit.

Answer 3

Just prise him. When ever he says hes "stupid" or when he just gives up tell him no your not stupid. and dont give up. plant the phras "Never Give Up" in his hear. And that hes smart and just keep tring.

Answer 4

The critical part of this definition is "learned". Something learned can be "unlearned", if you will.

This poor child has obviously not been recognized properly for their efforts or their successes. In addition, this child has not been put in many situations where he can actually succeed.

Typical 3rd graders are 8 or 9. Which means, it took 8 or 9 years to "learn" this discouraging and ultimately destructive pattern. It could take just a long to "unlearn" it.

Dedication from family and friends and all surrounding influences is a must.

Answer 5

adderall

Answer 6

I haven't had personal experience, but based on the definition, I would say the first step is for the parents to change how they respond to a child's mistakes so that the response is positive for the child, makes him/er feel good, and then get on the case of all family members, teachers and friends to help the child feel good about what s/he does.

Good luck because we need all the people who feel confident about themselves that we can muster.

Answer 7

That also occurs in adulthood. Even the most outgoing and successful can fall into that "learned helplessness" after severe loss.

It is also enviornmentally triggered, so here are some ugly questions.

1) What is going on in the home?

Is this child in a "missing double income parent environment"?

Has this child been raised by daycare?

Was the child bullied or abused?

Do the parents fight in front of the child?

Is the child unhappy at home?

2) Have you pursued medical causes?

Autism Disorders?

ADD?

ADHD?

3) How do you respond to this child's failures?

Positively?

Supportively?

Encouraging?

Helpfully?

Negitively?

Critically?

4) How do you respond to this child's successes?

With a "good job"?

Or with a "Let's celebrate that "A"?

5) Did you allow this child to do things for himself or did you do everything for him, telling him he was too small, not old enough, not smart enough to do the tasks for himself?

These were the questions I had to go through until I found out my third child has Asperger's Syndrome (Autism). He was finally diagnoised in the 4th grade.

He is 15 now and it has been an uphill battle. But now he is positive and funny and a straight "A" student.

Answer 8

time, space, and most importantly counseling. Find someone that they can talk to - someone they feel comfortable with and want to talk to, it would be someone they respect. The more avenues you can find in that, the faster the recovery. You kind of want to get them away from the environment they are around and put them in a positive place - and give that some time and space - home school is wonderful - and relatively free now.  A smaller classroom size, a private school, Montessori, etc. They may or may not need medication currently or later in life.  They need healthy outlets for expression, usually a child needs sports or the arts - or both.  unilateral sports are a great start for someone going through a time as such - it gives them a healthy focus yet affords them space in which to think and sort out there thoughts and feelings, yet they do need healthy social interaction too. If they find someone to talk with they will usually let you know what social groups they would like to be involved in.  Don't hasten to be a parent, keep your guards around them so that they don't become involved with peers who are involved with drugs or other destructive things, etc.  It's just mostly time and conversation though :)

Answer 9

You've just described my child.  He's 9 and is good at so many things, but when something is hard or challenging the first thing out of his mouth is "I can't do it".  We've tried so hard to figure out why he doesn't have the self-esteem or drive to "try" before he makes these assumptions.  What we've sort of figured out is:  1)  it's easier for him to say this than to actually work hard & try (old fashioned laziness); 2) he does get a pay-off in saying he can't do something (extra attention, etc), and 3) part of this is just his personality.  

After proving that he could do this "stuff" and determining that it wasn't that he was learning deficient, we had to get tough.  Of course, we are there for him when he needs help but he's got to learn to tackle things himself.  I think our kids today have so much on their plates and the essential skills to get by are missed, especially if you have a kid that doesn't take to them easily.  Some kids have to actually be taught how to learn and I happen to have one of them.  

Good luck to you.