Learning to be more selfish?

Question

My dad tends to come on a little strong, and he's got a tendency to walk all over people whenever he can. More and more lately I've realized that he walks all over me the most. I'm the oldest child and it's a single-parent home, where I do most of the cooking and cleaning, and I basically get looked down upon. It's very frustrating.

My friends all tell me that I'm "too nice" or "not selfish enough", and they're honestly trying to help me with this, but I really don't know where to begin when it comes to being more selfish. I don't want to start fights in our family- we've been through enough- but really though, enough is enough. When it comes to the point that you're at someone's beck and call 24/7 you have to call it quits sometimes, right? But how do I do this without starting a fight?

Answer 1

Show him this exact posted question u wrote.  

Answer 2

sit your dad down and CALMLY explain this to him tell him that you love helping out but lately its gotten out of hand and that you think that you need a break. if he starts to raise his voice keep yours calm or else you'll never get him to listen to you

Answer 3

Even though I have never went through this kind of event, I believe that being more selfish is not the answer to it. I think you should let your dad know how he "walks over you" but at the same time break it down easily so the conversation won't turn into a fight. You could inform him on how much you do for the family and that you're not getting enough credit for that. Anyway, breaking it down easy won't be too hard for you since your friends say you're nice, right? By the way, I hope this helps. If it doesn't, I'm sure you can find another way.

Answer 4

thats the problem, you've done it for so long they've come to expect it. its unreasonable to fight about it but you should at least be able to talk to your dad about it. casually mention that he might want to do the cleaning once in a while, or that you could do it together. you can be assertive without being argumentative. pick a good time and coerce him into compromising.

Answer 5

You're thinking in absolutes.

"Enough is enough" is a very hard standpoint to take, and last time i tried that with my brother he took a swing at me.

Instead of telling him to back off, or take it easy - tell him instead why YOU cannot carry on like this.

Simply saying "I'm too tired, i need someone else to pick up the burden" would be enough.

p.s; Of course, there is a difference between being unable to continue, and seeing something as obstructive to your path in life, but that's an awfully deep point i won't be going into today.

Answer 6

when he do it just come out and tell him you are not a door mat