Leaving A Child Unattended?

Question

My friend takes her kids to the library every week. On her last visit, her 8 year old went up the stairs to the Children's Department ahead of her. She stayed behind with her 10 year old to make a cup of cocoa from the machine in the downstairs lobby. When she got upstairs, (3 - 5 minutes later) the librarian freaked out and stared yelling at her about leaving her child and how it was against the law. Now, my friend is there every week and everyone knows her and her kids. There are constantly children in the department unsupervised, and they are NOT hers. My friend's kids are quiet and respectful. I told her the librarian must have it out for her and that she should complain about being singled out. She said that she can't argue if she did something wrong.

Any insight or opinion would be helpful.

Answer 1

The librarian was out of line.  I wouldn't think anything of an eight-year-old being in a different section of the library from his mother for no more than five minutes.  Your town and library might be different from mine, but it doesn't sound like you, his mother, or many other parents think it's an unsafe place.

Answer 2

Maybe your friend could address this issue with the administration of the library district?  I would, if it bothered me so much....

Answer 3

I think the reaction was inappropriate especially if there is no other way out of the library than downstairs. I still would just ignore it she had probably just a bad day.

Answer 4

I went to the library every weekend with my mom when I was a child and once I got to be school aged (5) my mom would leave me downstairs in the kids section while she went upstairs to the grownup section. I knew enough to stay put and not talk to strangers. Plus all the librarians knew me. It is not against the law to allow you child to go their own way in a public place as long as you are in the same building with them. If she would have dropped him off at the library at 8 yrs old and then left to go somewhere else then that would be different. The librarian was totally out of line. I think that she was singled out because she is there so often and the librarian knew that was her son. But if he was not causing a disturbance or breaking any library rules then there is no reason for the librarian to react like that. If that was me I would have immediately told her that I had done nothing wrong and then asked to speak to the head librarian. I would tell your friend that the next time she goes to the library she should ask to speak to the head librarian and inform him/her of the situation. Unless the library has a policy of no child left unattended that librarian was way out of line. Even if they do have a policy like that the librarian should never have spoken to your friend like that. If it was the head librarian that acted like that she should call and talk to the head of the board of directors. The library is supposed to be a fun family environment and as long as her children are well behaved and follow the rules there is no reason she needs to keep them tethered to her side while she is there.

Answer 5

I really understand both sides......I know this is your friend but you have to look at the lirarians side too.She does not always know everything.....I bet she even was having  bad day .But your friend is right too ......maybe the librarian does have a gruge on her.......if this goes on she needs to either talk to the librarian or even switch .........i really hope this could help you a little.

Answer 6

I used to work in a library.  If it is a posted rule that children (typically under a certain age) are not to be left unattended, then the librarian should have approached your friend and calmly (emphasis on calmly) explained the situation and basically given her a warning.  If there is no posted rule about it, then the librarian was completely out of line.  But either way, she should not have yelled at a patron - it is simply unprofessional.  

I am also a mother of 4 boys ( an over-protective one, I know).  I never left my older two anywhere alone - they always at least had each other (they're 19mos apart).  I probably would have sent my 10yo up to keep an eye on the younger one while I got the cocoa set up.  But that is just just me and besides you know what they say - hindsight is 20/20.  I wish your friend luck.

Answer 7

well i would have went off becaues at our library its so tiny I can just about see my son everywhere he is in there. The people know us there since we go twice a week and there is even a play area for the kids and i leave my son there while i get books which is right there but still nobody says anything and if they did i would not allow it. A child that is 8 is old enough to get their own books at the library. My niece is very mature and goes to find her own books and knows to come back. Its not liek I drop her off at the library but I am still there and its one level. I think they lady must have been having a bad day but still its no excuse

Answer 8

The librarian is uptight.

And yes I know kids are always being kidnapped.

I wouldn't let an 8 year old out of sight.

But in a library he or she should be ok, emphasis on ok!

Have her talk to the staff about the librarian lady!

Answer 9

I see your point, and I see the librarians point as well...... In all honesty (and I must be a bad mother) I've done that....there is only one way in the Library and one way out here, plus we live in a small town (the library is the size of my house). But I do see why  you shouldn't leave your children.. I mean they could get taken......I see why the Librarian had a fit, but she really should have been calm about it first, instead of freaking out...... And if there are other children running around unsupervised then the Librarian really should yell at their parents as well!

Answer 10

I too agree w/the librarian.

Answer 11

To be honest ANYONE is allowed in a library and maybe the librarian has seen some perverts lurking in the kids section and has nothing more than a bad feeling about a few of these perverts and that is why she flipped out.

Our local library just had a huge drug bust in it about 6 weeks ago. People were meeting to buy drugs on the lower level near the movie department. And our library has a Starbucks in it. People of all walks of life are working there and hanging out there.  It is not such a safe place as you may think.  If everyone knew your friend there why didn't this woman?

Answer 12

the situation is what it is any kid can disappeare in a heart beat. i can't ssay for sure why the librarian plipped. but she needs to keep her kids in her eye sight till there are older....13-14

Answer 13

Eight years old is plenty old enough to be out of direct line of sight of a parent for three minutes! I simply don't believe it is against the law to be a few yards from your child in the same building. I mean, come on, this is a library, what are you supposed to do if you have two kids browsing for books? Insist that they always both look at the same side of the same shelf at the same time?

I suggest that your friend asks for the exact rules of the library, in writing, and clarifies exactly what they mean by "leaving a child". I just don't believe that it includes "my child loves reading so ran up the stairs faster than I did".

Answer 14

If this is the first and only occurance I would say just let it roll off her shoulders simply because maybe the librarian was having an off day. Heck, maybe your friend just caught the end of a rather stressful moment that had something to do with the other children who are frequently left unattended and she was the only parent available for the librarian to vent on.

However, if this becomes a regular thing I would definately suggest for her to have a talk with one of the other librarians.

Answer 15

I would be writting a letter and complain about being singled out. Its not like she left him up there to go down and get a drink without the kids. Her kids are known in the library and the staff all probably know that if her kids are there, then she is probably close by.

Although, there was that 6yo that was molested in a library a couple weeks ago while his mother was on one of the computers not too far away from him. But there's always that danger. I think if she felt her 8yo was safe enough to venture upstairs by his/herself (after all you have to somehow instill a sense of independence in them as they grow up somehow!) and since she followed him/her a few minutes later then it really shouldn't have been a problem.

Answer 16

I understand that your friend was in a relatively safe space with lots of adult supervision and other unattended children .... I still don't think it's ok.  Imagine you are a child molester....wouldn't the children's department of a public library be a great place to find unattended children?  I don't mean to scare you....but I just think it's something to think about.

Granted ... I think that it does not always need to be a parent who is watching a child.  I think an idea would be to walk upstairs with the 10 and 8 year old .... and to find an adult/supervisor to place the 8 year old under the care of.  Just a quick "I need to do something downstairs for 5 minutes, could you please keep an eye on my child??" would do the job.

I don't think its possible to be too safe with children.  Who knows, maybe they will see something interesting and wonder off into a different area of the library.

Answer 17

Sorry, I agree with the Librarian.  The child should not be left unattended.  It's not a matter of them being quiet and respectful.  It's about safety.  

What if the child had got hurt or worse, abducted?  And how does the mother not know, that the librarian hasn't approached the other children's parents?  She doesn't.  

Your friend should let it go, and in the future not leave her children unattended (even if it's only 3 minutes).

Answer 18

I don't think your friend was being neglectful by letting her child go the children's department without her.  My daughter at 7 years old knows to yell her bloody head off if somebody ever tries to coerce her into leaving with them and that she should never go anywhere with an adult that isn't myself, my parent's, or other close family members that she knows.  In a library there are often children's story times that parents are allowed to leave their child unattended.....

In my case, our library is VERY small.  I can hear my daughter talking upstairs in the children's section from anywhere downstairs.