Let me get your thoughts on this?

Question

Kind of a long one folks..I've been dating this lady for a few weeks.We've gone on a total of 3 dates,one movie,dinner,casual lunch.So a friend of mine was throwing a bbq at 'her' house.So the lady I am dating went with.Now this caused a huge issue and has put a wedge between us.Let me explain.

The friend who had the bbq is a good friend of mine.I do not have many close friends but she is like a little brother to me,helps me with my computer,even got my mp3 player loaded with my cd's.I'm a little stupid when it comes to computers.we talk about cars,music,ya know pal stuff.,she is 28.The thing is why I say little brother is because she is trans-gender.In other words she is going from female to male with the help of hormones and surgery.I lived for many years in California and really am cool with anyone who is g*y,trans,whatever. I see people for who they are not what lifestyle they live,so we became good pals.Now the lady I am dating didn't know about my friend being trans.I didn't think anything about telling her.So this lady told me that if I was to continue the relationship with her,that I have to never talk to my "trans" friend again and that I can never hang out with such "freaks".I thought after our few dates that perhaps a relationship would bloom from this but now I don't know what to do.I can't just dump my friend because of what this lady I am dating thinks...What would you do?

Answer 1

My boyfriend doesn't approve of the lifestyle of a couple of my friends (we'll leave it vague).  Sometimes when we are all together in a group at events he gets a little weirded out; likewise if I talk about something specific to their lifestyle.  That said, he has never told me I had to cut these people I care about out of my life (nor have the friends said the same of him).  Both sides know that I love and respect all of them and if they love and respect me, they can at least be mature enough to act like civil adults.  This is a long way of me saying that someone who cares about you in the way that you deserve would not make you choose between them and someone else you care about (provided your friends aren't doing anything illegal, mean, trying to get you to cheat etc etc).  I think it is a shame the lady feels that way, but it's probably good that you found out sooner rather than later.  

I would tell her I respect her wishes, but blood is thicker than water (sure s/he isn't your real brother, but still).

Good luck.

Answer 2

There is nothing good about this lady you are dating.....not to disrepsect her or anything but she should have NEVER told you that you couldn't talk to your friend....think...you've known your friend for a lot longer than this lady...and what if you and this lady don't even take off as a realationship and you chose her over your friend...now your left withouy a lady or a bestfriend.....Dump this lady nothing is worth losing a friend over.

Answer 3

poeple make mistakes and say stupid things. if you can really feel a connection with her then talk to her and tell her what your thinking.

Answer 4

I congradulate you on your openmindedness and I do the same for your friend for becoming what comes natural. Your shallow gf apparetly has not had the opportunity to get to know the world and all of its wonderful differences as you have been blessed to do. Perhaps she should grow up some before getting involved with a guy like you. Or maybe pick out some nasty guy who g*y bashes and beats her everynight or f**** around on her all the time. My point is she seems to have a really nice guy who happens to have different friends but she is not mature enough to realize it. Dump her because it will always be an argument.

Answer 5

Someone you're looking to spend possibly the rest of your life should be understanding of who your friends are. I can understand if your friends are a bad influence that can possibly cause you harm but in this case it seems like it's a matter of her beliefs.

Sincerely ask her why she objects strongly to your friend if her response is something you can't accept then move one. But if you can come to an agreement then that's great. Sometimes people with different beliefs can work things out and compromise and have great relationships as well.

But you should never compromise your beliefs to satisfy another, it just wouldn't work in the long run.

Good luck with the tough choice.

Answer 6

Well, she is entitled to her opinion. But she should not give you an ultimatum. Your friends are your business.

If you are thinking of becoming serious about her, you may want to consider her value system, which is obviously different form yours. One of many things you need to discuss before you make a decision about changing your life.