Lets hear it, tell me how bad my poem is..

Question

Sometimes when I am down

I think about you to get rid of my frown

I think about the past

and how long our conversations would last

That nervous feeling still comes back to me

As I think about how bad I wanted you to see

You had it all

and in love with me I wanted you to fall

Like a kid with an ice cream cone

or a teenage girl with her phone

We were destined to be

How I thought you were right for me

Now just distant memories I cling too

I sit here wondering, if you remember them too

Honest answers only please. I have a site up with many more songs and poems I have wrote, check it out if you want:

untappedtalent.co.cc

Thanks!

Answer 1

Man you could easily make a nu-metal riff with this

Answer 2

You know poems don't have to rhyme. Some of your words word too simple (sometimes not a bad thing, but here it was) I just didn't feel any emotion, it just seemed liked a love poem a teenager wrote cause he was bored, didn't put much thought into the analogies. There is nothing deeper, it only has face value

REWRITE:

As thoughts of you cross my mind

I feel overjoyed, carefree

LIke wild horses memories of you race

The clock slowely ticks

the calender pages flip

My mind wants to scream

Tell you how I feel

You are perfect,

you had it, everything,

everything, but for what I wanted you to have

Love, love for me

Like a child and his balloon

Only to have it float and away into the noonday sun

Memories of you, memories of us

I hold onto, only to wonder,

Do you rember them too?

Answer 3

kind of cheesy, but you can still get away with it.

.

Answer 4

its awsome!!! :D  

Answer 5

this is amazing (:

Answer 6

I don't think it's bad at all! I actally really like it!

Answer 7

dude its fine, not "wow" but most people dont write "wow" poetry. whatever you feel, write it down and itl be beautiful; "i write on yahoo, so thats why im cool"-see?

Answer 8

Its actually pretty good.  

I like these lines..

Like a kid with an ice cream cone

or a teenage girl with her phone

We were destined to be

:))

Answer 9

really sounded boring, ok because its too typical for a poem and just really talked about one subject the overly abused relationship stuff that doesnt transcend to me at all

Answer 10

good rhyming but you really should work with the lenght in every line(measure).. however i would rate it 5 out of 10

Answer 11

did you watch death poets society? poets are rare! why do you think? are you one of the spastic poets? with a plastic flower? go on! it is not the quality that counts! talent is stolen! do you believe it?

Answer 12

I think it is a beautiful poem.  Why would you think it is bad - I think it is wonderful